Just wanted to post a concerned letter from a faithful reader pertaining to the ‘looks like you’re naked’ current webcam shot:

“In other news, is your naked picture an indication of where your site is going? I heard yanowhatimean was going triple X, but I didnt think it would happen this fast. I figured you’d wait until readership began to dwindle and THEN hit it up. Thats the standard MO for stars like you, no? Is it for the money? True, there’s big bucks out there in porno-land, but at what cost? Is it drugs? Tell me its not drugs.”

Dear Concerned Reader,

The picture isn’t naked, I’m wearing a sleeveless top. Contrary to rumors, YWIM is NOT going XXX any time soon. If I keep on losing money at Pokerstars, that may be an option, but not right now. When that time comes, I know of several people experienced with porn and prostitution who can help me along the right path, and of course, you’ll be the first I call. Don’t you worry your pretty almost shaved head about that. And it’s not drugs, though once again, if ever I have the need I know where to get them - as well as all the Skoal Mint I could ask for.

Best wishes and happy holidays,
Yano

So the lesson here, people, is just because I look naked on the webcam doesn’t mean I am.

Tags: Stories by Yano
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A couple weeks ago Dave and I were at home, just hanging out. Dave went upstairs to do something, and then called out my name. “Christine! Come here! You gotta see this!”

I went over to the stairway and he stood there pointing at the wall. I looked to where he was pointing and saw one of the biggest, strangest bugs I’ve ever seen. It looked like it would have been the love child of a millepede and a daddy long legs. It looked huge and hairy - like the Chewbacca of bugs. In a word, we were terrified.

“Kill it.” Dave said.

“What? No way! You kill it!”

“Come on! Kill it!”

“You’re the man, you kill it.”

“Fine, we’ll both kill it.”

So we tried to figure out to kill the beast. We knew that we may only have one shot, and if we failed it would attack us and quite possibly, kill us. We were thinking of using the slipper as our murder weapon, but the monster was a bit out of reach. We thought of the rubberband method, but we couldn’t find any rubberbands. I then told Dave of a method that I used at home to kill millipedes and silverfish - 409 cleaner.

“What?”

“Yeah, I think the chemicals burn up their insides. It works for me.”

“But that thing is a lot bigger than your average bug, Christine!”

“What other choice do we have?”

“Fine. You get the 409.”

“Ok, but you’re the first one to try it!”

So I got the 409. Dave dangled off the stairway and aimed it at the bug. He sprayed several times. The animal started scurrying. We both ran down the stairs screaming like little girls.

“It’s on the move!” we cried to each other, waving our arms around and running in circles.

The 409 did nothing. Well it did something. It just made the supermillipede-beast angry. We had to try again. I was sure my idea of the 409 would work. I grabbed the 409 from Dave and ran up the stairs. I sprayed the bug, screaming as I did so. I followed the bug as it moved across the way, running down the stairs as I did so.

Nothing. Just a wet wall and an even wetter bug. I’m thinking that this 409 mutated bug was actually getting stronger and bigger as the night wore on. After a couple more failed attempts, the bug was within reach. I ran down and grabbed Dave’s slipper. I measured the distance. If I missed this time the bug would be getting a lot more pissed that the repeated sprayings with 409.

I raised the slipper and hit it.

When I raised it again, there were only the furry legs left on the wall. The body was gone. The body was gone!!!

Then something fell from the slipper. The lifeless carcass of bug-beast.

I screamed, dropped the slipper, and ran down the stairs, leaving Dave for cleanup duty.

If we could have mounted the head of that thing on the wall we would have. We were the victors that night! Master hunters of the thousand legged beast!

Tags: Stories by Yano
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Dave had a half day yesterday, since he was on call the day before. He stopped by his parents house to chill out and have lunch. When I came home, I started up dinner and we were talking. He then pulled out an envelope from his bag.

“Guess what my dad’s manager found in his desk drawer,” Dave said.

“Um, I dunno. What?” I replied, wondering why I would actually care what this guy found in his desk drawer.

Dave held up the envelope. “Our marriage certificate.”

“Our what?”

“Our marraige certificate. Yours and mine.” He put the envelope on the table. It was the envelope that was sent to me from the county, and inside, a copy of our marriage certificate. I had two made when we got married - the other copy was in my backpack, I never really wondered as to the whereabouts of the other copy.

“Are you serious?” I asked.

“Yes I’m serious. My dad’s manager was cleaning out his desk, he found this envelope, and he asked my dad if this belonged to me.”

“Really?”

“Really!” And although Dave’s a pretty imaginative guy, THIS was a little too out there to be a practical joke.

“How the hell did it get there?”

“I have no idea! I was thinking that maybe you know!”

“No, I don’t know! I didn’t even know where this copy was. Maybe your dad accidentally brought it to work.”

“But how did it get in his boss’ office?”

“I have no idea!”

Which left us to ponder how it got there. But we had no good theories. Of course, if we were in TV Land, it would have been because I was having an affair with my father-in-law’s manager, but come on, let’s be realistic. I wouldn’t leave behind evidence like that! Who would bring along their marraige certificate on an adulterous tryst?

The truth is something which is probably simple and innocent - the envelope may have gotten lost in some paperwork brought to the office by Dave’s dad and then moved over to his boss’ desk.

But that’s pretty out there, don’t you think?

Tags: Stories by Yano
1 Comment »

When I was in Columbus, I saw that there was a sushi restaurant by my hotel. I haven’t had sushi in months, so I thought about it all day, fantasizing about those tender, mouthwatering pieces of raw fish.

I got to the restaurant and was a little sad that the selection of different sushi and rolls. Nothing out of the ordinary. So I decided to go with a tempura dragon roll (shrimp tempura roll with eel on the outside) and a simple salmon roll. I put in my order (it was takeout), picked up a magazine from the rack and stood at the counter, flipping through the pages.

This guy comes into the sushi restaurant, and you could tell he was in a hurry. He looked at me and said, “Hey, there!”. I responded with a meek, “Hi.” Really wasn’t in the mood for making new friends, but I wanted to be polite.

He picked up a takeout menu and looked through it quickly. He puts it down and looks at me.

I know what’s coming. Do you?

So the guy turns to me and says, “Can I have a spicy salmon roll, a Philadelphia roll and a california roll? And make it to go.”

I stared at him blankly and said, “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

The man then imploded into himself, totally embarrassed. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry! You were standing at the counter and I, uh…” and he stopped, realizing that if he said any more he would be digging himself even deeper into the hole he had created.

“It’s ok, it’s an easy mistake.” I said, trying to calm him down. “The waitress is over there, but they’re pretty busy tonight.”

“Oh, ok.” So he waited. And I waited. It was a bit uncomfortable and it was taking so long that I was about ready to take his order and bring it ot the sushi guys for him. Finally, he mumbled something about missing a ride and left.

Right after he left, a family came in. The looked at me. I smiled at them and pointed to the waitress, before anything was said. They then smiled at me and waited to be seated. Crisis averted.

Not to say that I wouldn’t like to work at a sushi restaurant. But I think they’d fire me immediately after finding out that someone was eating all the eel and salmon sashimi.

Tags: Stories by Yano
3 Comments »

Just wanted to share a series of emails with you with a completely random stranger…

#1

#2

#3

#4

Why do I feel like I just had a one night stand and woke up alone?

I feel like he just used me for my gmail invite.

Well actually, he did.

Hmph!

At least he said thank you…

Tags: Stories by Yano
9 Comments »

This is one of the stories that I’m almost obligated to share, since if it was someone else I would have totally posted it here. So here’s another one of those “Laugh at my expense!” moments, so enjoy it…

So I was watching “The Empire Strikes Back” the other day with Dave and his dad. It came to the part where they were in the cloud city and Lando Calrissian was showing them around.

“Who is that, he looks familiar”, Dave’s dad asked.

“That’s Billy Dee Williams.” I replied.

“Oh. What else has he been in?” he asked.

“I’m not really sure what movies, but he sang ‘Ghostbusters’.” I said.

And then Dave bust out laughing. “That was Ray Parker Jr.! That’s not the same guy!”

I realized that yes, Ray Parker Jr. is the man who sings “Ghostbusters”, not Billy Dee Williams. However, I thought really hard, but in my head, the image of the guy who sings “Ghostbusters” WAS Billy Dee. I had no recollection of what Ray Parker Jr. looked like. I know when I was a kid I watched that damn video a million times, but in my head, all these years, it’s been Billy Dee. Of course, Dave was cracking jokes like, ‘Christine, they don’t look alike at all! How could you even confuse them? Just because they’re two black men doesn’t mean that they’re the same person.” Hmph!

So I looked them up, and you have to admit they look a bit alike, right?

Right?

_______________________

In other news, I didn’t realize that the drive to Indianapolis from Chicago was so dark and full of construction. The ride wasn’t too bad, but I felt like I was the fastest one out there - doesn’t anyone drive fast anymore?

When I got to my hotel, I popped the trunk to get my suitcase out and rearrange some of my stuff. I looked at my hands and there was this mysterious greenish goo on my hands. WTF? Then I realized that a whole bottle of antifreeze spilled in the trunk, soaking everything in it - including my laptop case (luckily my laptop was in my backpack in the front sear) and my suitscase. Eeew. Does anyone know if that stuff is dangerous? I’m wondering, since I got it all over my hands. I don’t want to have 3 armed kids with 4 nipples.

Tags: Stories by Yano
9 Comments »

The other day I was helping out my coworker Sam with a client issue. I was leaning on the side of his desk and we were both looking at the monitor, and I was giving him some tips to use. All of the sudden, his computer turned off. We were both like, “What the hell! This sucks!” He’s had some crazy problems with his computer, but this was the first time it shut off on its own. We looked for what caused it, and I realized that it was me. His desktop was right at the edge of his desk and my ass was right at the on/off button. So when I was leaning on his desk, I was actually leaning on the shutoff button. My ass has amazing powers!

Yeah, we got a good laugh out of that one!

Tags: Stories by Yano
5 Comments »

Just wanted to share this email with you. There’s nothing better than getting an email out of nowhere from an old friend, who, after having an experience, thinks of you as the person that they want to share that moment with.

Yes, I feel special. And you’ll feel special, too, after reading this…

________________________

Yes, I LOVE my guy friends! They never cease to make me laugh!

Tags: Stories by Yano
5 Comments »

I’m writing from my hotel in downtown Columbus, OH. It’s a pretty nice downtown area here with some nice architecture. We’re right by the river, too. What river? I have no idea.

I actually flew into Dayton, OH, because it was about $300 cheaper. It’s only about 70 miles away, which is a commute I’m used to after working at Thousand Oaks all the time. The airport there was a lot larger that I thought it would be. As I was coming off my plane and heading towards the rental cars, I saw a mother and son standing by the windows, looking out. They were obviously waiting for a plane to come in. The mother was holding up a little doll, that was dressed up in military fatigues and a helmet. It was cute - it looked like a little cartoon. She pushed a button and it started dancing to Queen’s “We Will Rock You” (kinda like those dancing Santas you see during Christmastime, but not as creepy) She held the doll against the glass as if he, too, was waiting for someone to land. I was pretty sure that they were waiting for someone from the military to come home from the war. As I got closer, I could see that she was wiping tears from her eyes.

“Mommy, don’t cry. Daddy’s coming soon! Why are you sad?” the little boy asked.

She put her hand on her shoulder and held back a sob and said, “I’m not crying because I’m sad, I’m crying because I’m so happy he’s finally coming home!”

Just about made me want to start crying, too!

*sniff*

Tags: Stories by Yano
6 Comments »

You may remember that one of my New Years resolutions was to learn one recipe a month. But I’ve been stuck in a rut of backed fish, hapburger helper and thai peanut noodles.

So I’ve been trying lately.

So the other day, I wanted to make a taco bar. Dave loves tacos. So I went to the grocery store, got some taco mix and the rest of the fixings. I knew I was only cooking for two, so I kept my portions of everything small. Got a pound of ground beef, grabbed a couple tomatoes, picked out a small head of lettuce, sour cream, taco cheese, etc.

Got home, started cooking everything up, diced the tomatoes and chopped up the lettuce. The lettuce didn’t really feel leafy when I was chopping it up, the whole thing was pretty tough, but I attributed it to the fact that it was so small.

So when Dave got home he was pretty happy to see the taco bar I had set up. We started constructing our tacos, and he looked at the lettuce and said, ‘Oh, we’re using cabbage instead of lettuce?’

Then the light came on. I had accidentally grabbed a cabbage. DUH! No wonder it was so tought to chop up! Hey, it’s not like I buy lettuce on a regular basis. We got a good laugh out of that one.

Tags: Stories by Yano
10 Comments »