The Prayer

I pray you’ll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don’t know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe

Mommy and Her Girls
(sorry Daddy, you were probably the photog here)
Photo, once again, stolen from Melanie

Dear Mommy,

It’s been four years today that the world has been without you.

Do you know who Kanye West is? You may not know him, because even if you had a Hip-Hop/Rap station up in Heaven I doubt that you’d tune into his music. Even if you did know of him I’m sure you wouldn’t like him because he’s got a big mouth and it’s hard to understand him. You’d probably shake your head knowing I listen to him and say, “Why? It’s just a lot of yelling and noise.” Well, he’s a big rap star. His mom just died, so you’ll probably be seeing her up there.

It’s fascinating how much news is being generated from her death - it’s almost too much. But what I find the most heartbreaking is how much Kanye loved his mother. Because you know, we really didn’t get close until you got sick. It was a little too late in life that I cleared my eyes of my own selfishness and realized what a remarkable woman you were. Only now do I call you my role model, the one person whose life I want to emulate. For Kanye, he’s never made it a secret how much his mother meant to him, never cared if people called him a mama’s boy. His mom died suddenly, and he was half a world away.

When I heard the news, I immediately thought of you - you are a thought that is never far from the forefront of my mind. I felt for him, sad that he never had last moments with her to whisper his last “I love you” or to hold on to her hand and memorize every second. He didn’t have time to prepare himself for life without her - she was young, just like you, a mere 58.

So for the last week, the news has been full of stories of Donda West, and it always brings me back to you, always brings me back to the knowledge that this sad anniversary is just around the corner. Sadness for Kanye because no amount of money or celebrity can shield him from days like today, the highs remembering what an incredible person his mother is and the lows realizing that she’s gone.

I know you’re watching over me and my brood, but just in case you want my thoughts on everything (that is, if you can’t read my mind…and if you can, well, sucks to be you - then again, you knew I was crazy) here’s what’s going on in my life:

• I work too much. You’d be angry at me knowing how much I’m on the computer. I mean, I was on the computer a lot when I lived at home. It’s three times that much now! But work will get better, I’ve got a promotion and I’m working in a different department with some of my old X-Company people.
• Dave’s got a new job, and he loves it there. We’ll be moving even further out in the burbs eventually, though I’m hesitant to move from our house. I love our house! But I know we’ve gotta make sacrifices, and we’ll probably move into a kick ass big house anyway. Eventually.
• Ben is such a big boy now! One personality trait I KNOW that he got from you was his endless sense of curiosity. I know that it annoyed me when you were alive and I’m sure I’ll get annoyed with Ben when he gets older, but for now, it’s wonderful. He wants to be everywhere, he wants to touch everything, he wants to see what fits into what, he wants to be part of the conversation…You would be so proud of all the things that he can do. It’s so amazing to watch this little person grow and start thinking and talking. Just like you, he is so full of love and laughter. Like his mommy, he’s an excellent hugger!
• Claudine and Fatima are doing well. I’m sure they’ve let you know what they’re up to. We don’t see Claudine as much as we’d like, and we miss her tons.
• Daddy is happy. I know that he gets lonely when he’s home, because here in Chicago there’s a void where you used to be. He’s happiest when he’s with Benjamin. Then he goes to California to be with Tita Carrie and her kids and I know that he is happy out there with them. And I’m assuming that it’s OK with you since you haven’t come back to haunt him like you promised to do if he remarried someone you didn’t like.
• The cousins are OK. Our numbers seem to be dwindling as we grow up and apart. Marian’s out in the Washington wilderness. Jeff’s missing, as usual. Michael makes a guest appearance every now and then. Claudine’s in Detroit. But it’s always the same when we’re together. It always makes me feel warm and content, like a favorite blanket.
• The Titos and Titas are the same, just older. The Titas have made good on their promise to take care of us. You would be proud of them. Except the fact that they don’t want to host the parties anymore. But I guess that was a long time coming.
• Luscious died. Though you probably know that already since he’s probably humping your leg as you read this.
• Ewok is lonely. No one loved him like you loved him.

And so another year passes. I miss you terribly. Life isn’t the same without you, and although I know that change would have happened whether or not you were still alive, it just seems like everyone is drifting apart since you’ve gone.

I love you.

Tags: Memories by Yano
4 Comments »

Yesterday I was doing some errands after work - doing groceries, buying some new mini-muffin tins, birthday presents, etc. I love being out and about early Friday evenings because on the local radio station, Kiss FM, they have “Freak-Ass Friday”, where they play a whole bunch of old school songs. I was jammin’ in my car (is it cool to say “jammin’”? I don’t think so but I don’t know what the equivalent word kids today would use). Anyway, I was jammin’ in my car to some great oldies like “Yolanda” by Reality, “Spring Love” by Stevie B, “Show Me” by the Cover Girls and “Mentirosa” by Mellow Man Ace. Man, I loved “Mentirosa!”

I love listening to those songs from when I was gradeschool and highschool. I remember watching my older cousins dance and go out to party, I wanted to be so much like them! They were so cool to me.

When I was younger, I didn’t have the money to buy records or cassettes, and we didn’t have a tape player on the radio. So I would buy cheap blank cassettes, sit next to the stereo speakers and tape songs on an old tape recorder. The quality was horrible but I would listen to my personal mix tapes all the time. It got a little easier once we got a stereo with a cassette deck.

We used to have an 80’s station in Chicago, but it got bought out by another company. I don’t know if there’s another one, but I really loved that old station. Then again, it makes me feel old because I remember when I was a little kid and I’d hear my dad singing along with the “oldies” station I would think, “Geez, these songs are ANCIENT!” I wonder what Bentoot will think of me when I start groovin’ to “Dangerous on the Dancefloor” (yes, I know groovin’ makes me sound old!)

Tags: Memories by Yano
2 Comments »

After many months of stressing (and a week that could only be described as Bridezilla week), Claudine and Dan got married last Saturday. Of course, even though you plan and plan and make a minute by minute schedule of how the day is going to go, something is not going to go right!

I got over to the house with li’l Benby at around 10 to pick up Marilyn so we could get our hair done. I had some time before my appointment so I decided to eat some breakfast first. Claudine was already at the salon and Fatima was waiting for the makeup lady to come.

Marilyn and I headed out to the salon, which was a place I had passed hundreds of times as I walked home from highschool. It was weird to finally walk into the place. I had my hair done up since it was going to be in the upper 90’s that day. My stylist did an incredible job, pinning my hair up in tight little coils. Sorry, I don’t have a good pic of it!

We got back to the house, where Marian and Fatima had just finished getting their makeup done. They looked glamorous in their smokey eyes and fake eyelashes. I wasn’t going to get my makeup done because I knew that Ben would get fussy and I didn’t want to pay for something that I could do just fine on my own. However, I was starting to get eyelash envy. I’ve only had fake eyelashes once before, but I don’t remember when it was. I finally gave in and let the makeup lady put some one me. I was officially part of the fake eyelash club!

We then helped Claudine get ready into her amazingly long wedding dress. For such a tiny girl she had a such a long dress. She looked amazing once she had it on, and I got teary-eyed just looking at how beautiful she looked. We took a ton of pictures outside the house and the neighbors came out to watch the show and take pictures, too. We were right on schedule and we just had to wait for the limo to come get us - it was going to pick up the guys first from the hotel, drop them off at the church, then come pick us up.

My aunt then came and told me that the limo bus wasn’t coming. I thought it was a joke, but it wasn’t. Turns out that the limo broke down. We didn’t have enough information to figure out when it broke down or if the guys ever got to the church. Claudine was outside taking pictures and we were scared to tell her, so we waited til she was done taking pictures. Surprisingly, she wasn’t too upset - she told us she was more nervous and stressed about having to move to Michigan the next day.

Luckily, we lived only 5 minutes from the church and a lot of the relatives were still at the house and at Melanie’s (who lives next door). We were able to get all the gals into cars and to the church with no problem. The bride rode a blue minivan to the church! Good thing Jerome has a nice white shiny car - it was used for the pictures of Claudine getting out of the car, which the photo framed to look like she was getting out of a white limo.

When we got to the church Dan called and gave more info - the limo had broke down on the highway, leaving them stranded. The company was going to send another limo, but the company was way on the south side. Dan was able to call a friend who was still at the hotel to come and pick him and the best man up. The poor rest of the court had to wait in the heat for the limo to come by.

Dan got to the church with enough time to spare, and the rest of the guys came just in time. The wedding started on time, no one fell when they walked down the aisle, and Claudine looked like a princess as she walked down the aisle with my father. I had to control my tears because I didn’t want to be a blubbering mess in front of the whole congregation. I was so happy for her!

Fatima and I did a kick ass job in our train and veil fixing duties, even though some people said we were slacking in our job (screw you! :-P) It was hard work having to follow her around and fixing that whale of a train - we actually broke out in a sweat!

After the mass we took a bunch of pictures, and were there so long that we had to kick people out because the 5pm Sunday mass was going to start. The limo company had sent over a new limo (though it wasn’t a limo party bus) and we were off to the reception!

It was lively in the limo, even though the alcohol in there wasn’t cold and there wasn’t enough champagne in there to quench our thirst (though there was enough beer, it was pretty warm). We made the best of it, even though were were hot and melting. Many toasts were made to the happy couple, and we had a great time watching people stick their heads out of the sunroof.

The reception hall looked beautiful. We hung out for a bit then took pictures outside. It was hot and our feet were killing us, but we managed to get through the picture taking. Those are going to be some interesting pictures!

Since the Chicago Wolves are one of the reasons why Claudine and Dan got together, they managed to get Skates, the team mascot, to come to the reception. It was AWESOME! I’m sure many of the guests had no idea why there was this big furry mascot at the reception, but it resulted in a lot of laughs as he surprised a lot of people and charmed the ladies. It was definitely something that you wouldn’t expect at a wedding!

The reception was great. I was a little nervous about my speech. I had been thinking of the things that I wanted to say, but didn’t actually put anything down on paper until we were in the limo on the way to the reception. I had asked John if he wrote his speech and he brought out a couple sheets of paper. I laughed at him that he wrote it all out. Fatima hadn’t written her speech either, so we were writing it at the last minute. For me, I just put down some keywords - I had done speeches in high school and could never just read the whole speech of notecards, I worked better spouting off ideas from a couple keywords. So the time came for speeches and John went first. His speech kicked ass - it had the perfect mix of emotion, comedy and wit. I was impressed. Fatima has a cute speech where she talked about being like twins with Claudine and exposed the name of Claudine’s first boyfriend. My turn came up and I was shaking a bit from nervousness. I started off with talking about how people always thought that Claudine was older than me, then how out of the three of us, she was the best - the smartest, the most loyal, the perfect child. Then I talked about how much Claudine hated Dan when they met, then how they finally fell in love and how as unlikely as it may seem at first, Claudine and Dan were perfect for each other and Dan will treat her like a queen. There was a lot in the middle of my speech because you know I like to talk, but I don’t remember what else I said!

The food at the reception was delicious - herb chicken and medallions of beef in mushroom sauce. Marilyn and Tall Steve thought it was too undercooked but that’s the way I love my meat. Turns out every one else thought it was great, too!

Maui had a great solo where he sang Jamie Foxx’s “Heaven”. The dancing was started off with the first dance, sung by Fatima - “Bless the Broken Road” which I posted below. It was such a touching moment to see Claudine and Dan looking lovingly into each other’s eyes and to think about how their relationship had matured over the last several years. It was beautiful!

The father-daughter dance was a very touching moment. Fatima and I sat there wondering if my father was going to cry like he did at my wedding. We started to cry when we saw him and Claudine breaking down. Then they both motioned for us to join them. So Fatima, Benjamin and I joined them (I was holding Ben at the time). We all stood there on the dance floor, dancing together, laughing, crying, gasping for air, feeling love for each other in our little circle. A lot of the pain and sadness that had plagued us since our mother passed away seemed to lift from us. It was never spoken but I know it was in all our heads, that our mommy was there with us and sharing our moment. For that moment, for that one minute that we danced, things were the same as they were 3 years ago. *sigh* I guess we brought a few people to tears in the audience, too.

The mother-son dance was great. Dan’s mother seemed to know all the words to the song that was played - “A Song for My Son”, which is a beautiful song of advice from a mother to her son on his wedding day:

Be kind, be sweet
Be a gentle man
Care and share
And always be fair
And remember though you now
Have taken a wife
You will always be my son
My loving son

The rest of the reception was awesome. I took it as my duty to get people on the dancefloor and to dance the night away, even if it meant rolling around on the floor during “Shout”. There were too many memorable moments to count, from when Dan did a lapdance for Claudine before he took off the garter, Jillian pulling people to help her pick flower petals off the floor only to throw them up in the air, dance battles, the popularity of the chocolate fountain, and Dan’s dance to “At the Carwash”. Good times! You know it’s a great wedding when the lights are turned on but there’s still a ton of people left over wanting to party. From what I’ve heard, they headed out to the hotel bar and partied some more. I was exhausted and I had little Ben to take care of so I headed home.

It’s been a crazy week, and I know Claudine has been really stressed out about the wedding and moving to Michigan. She worked so hard on the wedding, I’m happy that she was able to really enjoy the day even with the little mishaps here and there. It was an amazing day and everyone had an awesome time. It couldn’t make me happier to see her live the happiest day of her life, sharing it with her soulmate.

Tags: Memories by Yano
5 Comments »

My kindergarten was about four blocks away from my home, and every morning my father would drop me off. Since my father and mother both worked, my grandfather who lived with us would pick me up when school was done and walk me home. This was our regular schedule. Daddy drops me off, I wait outside after school and Lolo (grandfather) picked me up to walk me home.

I was a pretty shy kid in kindergarten, intimidated to make friends because most of the kids had gone to pre-school together and knew each other already (I didn’t go). A couple of the eighth graders who would help out with class became friends with me which made it a little easier. One of them was this thuggish guy, who I was scared of at first because he was so tall and seemed mean. But he eventually won me over with his personality, I only remember calling “Clownie” because he was so silly.

One day after school, my grandfather never came. I stood in front of the school with my pink and blue duffel back waiting for him, and started to cry when I didn’t see him. I was scared because there was no one to walk me home. Clownie came up to me and asked me what was wrong, and I told him my Lolo never came to pick me up. “Do you know how to get home?” he asked me. “Yeah, of course I do,” I said, “but I can’t go home by myself!”

So Clownie offered to walk me home. Back then I didn’t know much about not talking to strangers or that kids got kidnapped all the time, so I was like, “OK”. So I pretty much led the way to my house and he entertained me and cheered me up along the way. As I said before, it was only several blocks away. He stayed on the sidewalk as I rang the doorbell, hoping that someone was home. It turned out that my grandfather had fallen asleep and forgot about me. He came out and thanked Clownie.

I turned around and waved goodbye and he went to wherever kind hearted thugs go after they do good deeds. I never got a chance to really thank him, or tell him that even now it’s something that I look back on fondly.

Tags: Memories by Yano
8 Comments »

This is a picture of me and my mom, when I was not even a year old. I was born with a full head of hair, and you could see that even back then, my hair was thick and plentiful. I swear it’s not a wig, as much as it looks like one!

I was a bit (ok, a lot) cross-eyed when I was younger, don’t know when I grew out of it, maybe I never did. I get a bit paranoid sometimes that I’m falling back into my old habits - which is why I don’t normally maintain eye contact when I’m in a conversation with someone. I’m usually looking somewhere else. It gets tough to focus on someone’s eyes.

I love this picture with my mom. For three years of my life, I was their only baby, their favorite, the spoiled one, the one who didn’t have to share anything. Though cross-eyed, I think I look absolutely adorable in this picture, with my thick locks (my dad said my hair was thicker than Elvis’) and there’s nothing better than being cheek to cheek with my mom.

*sigh*

Tags: Memories by Yano
14 Comments »

When I say I was the biggest geek growing up, I wasn’t kidding.

Melanie, Marilyn and ME

This was during my huge glasses, pre-braces, full on acne part of my life. This is the reason I wasn’t popular, I didn’t get dates, and I had no self esteem for the first 16 years of my life. The trauma of which still lingers with me today.

Why are my glasses so big? I have no idea! Can you believe I actually thought they were cool? Not only were they as big as my face, but I also had them tinted purple and pink. And yes, they ARE squooshing my nostrils down so I can’t breathe. To this day I cannot flare my nostrils, which makes me believe I suffered some nerve damage from my heavy glasses.

So go on. Get it out. I brought this nugget of goodness out so you can have yourself a good laugh today!

Tags: Memories by Yano
31 Comments »