This one brought to you by Earl:

Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says:”7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.”

The white man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy
says, “What’s wrong with you?”

In a weak voice the little guy says, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?”

The big dude says, “I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I’m 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weighs 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.”

The small guy says, “Turner Brown?!…Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, “Turn around”

Tags: Funnies by Yano
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I always thought that Redpac was a fast eater. Whenever I’d go out to eat with him he’d be done with his meal before I even had 3 bites of mine. He scarfs his food down without breathing and finishes it in record time.

Last year, Redpac entered an eating contest at a Chicago Wolves hockey game. The preliminary round had him eating Twinkies. He practiced for weeks, and on the night of the competition, he beat out the pack and made it to the finals. I wasn’t there so I didn’t get to see him in action.

The finals had him eating buffalo wings. He was up against the winners of the other rounds - they had eaten a variety of other foods, like donuts, bratwurst and jalapenos. As I looked at his competition, I knew Redpac was in trouble - these were some big guys. Then again, the world eating champion was this tiny Japanese guy, right? Maybe Redpac had a chance.

But as you can see from these videos, he had no chance. Either he was too slow or these double fisting bottomless pits were too fast. I vote for too slow - it felt like 10 minutes before he finished that first wing!

Part 1
Part 2

He picked it up later on but the damage was done. However, he did finish with a respectable 27 wings eaten, and he placed in the middle of the bunch. If it was me, I would have finished about 6.

Youtube is fun. Expect to see more of my home videos in the upcoming months!

Tags: Funnies by Yano
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Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies out there, and I know there theres a good amount of mommies reading this site!

Mother’s Day has been really been tough for me ever since my mother died. It’s a day that the sadness I feel on a daily basis gets amplfied and I fall into an little funk, remembering my mother and all she meant to me, feeling the pain of knowing that she’s gone. Sure, I remember the good times and what an amazing person that she was, but in the end it turns bittersweet.

Today is a bit different, since it’s my first mother’s day! I don’t know how long I’ve waited to celebrate this day as a mother, to go from giving the cards to getting them. Benjamin gave me the sweetest present (via his papa, of course) - a locket with “Mommy” engraved on it where I can keep his picture close to my heart. I cried when I saw it, it’s such an awesome present.

Of course, I still think about my mother. When I was pregnant, the thing that would get me the most emotional was thinking about my mother and how much I wanted her to be here for me and my baby. Now that Benjamin is born, I often find myself wondering what it would be like if she was here. There are so many questions that I have about my own upbringing, to ask her about her own experiences raising me and my sisters, what her advice would be, and so much more. I wonder how she would be with my baby, though I know she would spoil him horribly and shower him with tons of affection and talk nonstop to him in baby-talk. I even know what she would say to him, “Benjamin, Lola (grandmother) loves you very much! Also, your mommy is crazy but I know she loves you, too.” She loved to call me crazy. Then she would turn to me and ask me a million things about my baby and if I’m taking care of him in the right way and I’d get “yes. yes. yes….” and eventually tune her out. But I would smile and have happy feelings watching her with Benjamin, as I do watching my sisters play with him and my father hold him in his arms, staring lovingly at him and stroking his hair. She would stand and rock him in her arms, singing to him the songs that were sung to me and my sisters when we were babies…

They say that as much as you try, even if you swear not to, eventually you end up like your parents. I know that when I was a kid my mother was far from the person that I wanted to be because she wasn’t ‘cool’ - she was strict and when we said, “So and so’s parents let her do this…” she would return with, “Well, I’m your parent, so you have to do what I say…” It was only when I became older did I realize that the values my parents instilled in me made me a stronger and happier person. Not everything was handed to me on a silver platter and I’ve had to work for a lot. At first, I resented that, but now I realize that I appreciate the things I’ve worked for so much more.

But I’m going off on a tangent.

Happy mother’s day to you all. If you’re a mother, enjoy your day. It may not feel like your kids appreciate you right now, but believe me, one day they will. Hopefully they tell you that. If you have a mother, make sure to tell her how much you love her and how much you appreaciate all she’s done for you.

So to end this post, I’ll post up a pic of me and my mom when we were in the hospital after I was born, and 30+ years later with me and Benjamin (I stole the pic from Melanie)

Tags: Daily by Yano
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I just had to post this video of Tom Cruise dancing at BET while doing publicity for Mission Impossible. It makes me laugh.

Tags: Cool Link by Yano
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[Here’s another story from my labor that I didn’t include in the original story - beware, it gets a little graphic.]

If you regular readers recall, when I was pregnant Dave and I had attended a mandatory class where we learned about childbirth and watched some really outdated videos. I was a little shocked when I watched a vid where some women were giving birth and they were completely naked. I didn’t want to be naked during childbirth!

I had told a friend of mine about the video, and she looked at me and said, “I was naked when I gave birth.” “Really?” I said. “Yeah, it was so hot in the room and it was just more comfortable without clothes on. Really, at that point in labor you really don’t care, it doesn’t even matter.” I knew that I would be different. I can’t be naked!

To tell the truth, I’m a bit of a prude when it comes to exposing my body. I don’t know where it came from because my sisters aren’t like that at all. During gym class in school I’d quickly change my clothes, trying to expose as little flesh as possible. Even when changing in front of my sisters I make them close their eyes or turn away. Even at the beach, I do wear a two piece but I usually have a towel wrapped around me because I feel weird just walking around in a bikini. (before you ask, sex is a completely different matter and no, I’m not going to talk about that here!)

So the thought of giving birth and having my vagina out there for all to see under bright lights had be a bit nervous, but I knew it had to be done. When I got to the hospital and I got that oh-so-fashionable gown that doesn’t close in the back I kept on holding it closed behind me as I was walking around. My ass wasn’t ready for the world to see it yet.

During my labor, I was a little out of it. I don’t know if it was the hormones, the epidural or just the moment, but things were a bit fuzzy. My body was completely numb from the anesthesia, I was in and out of sleep and groggy most of the time. I was hooked up to monitors that recorded my contractions and I heard the constant “beep beep beep” of my baby’s heartbeat which was also being monitored. It’s a sound I remember even now - pretty much because I heard it for 6 hours straight.

I came out of one of my naps to hear the nurse hitting the call button in the room, asking for someone to come in immediately (I didn’t remember exactly what she said, but I do remember that I didn’t like the tone of her voice.) The quick little “beep beep” had slowed down considerably.

A gang of doctors and nurses came into the room, there were about 5 of them. One of them explained to me - “Christine, your baby’s heartbeat has dropped, and we need to make it come back up again, OK? We’re going to get you on all fours so we can see if that brings it up.” I was only slightly comprehending what she was saying, but I could tell it was something that had to be done soon. “Can you flip over for me?” she asked. My brain told my body to flip over - only my arms followed the command. So all the people who came in helped me to flip over and get on my hands and knees.

My body was like a log, I couldn’t feel anything, and I felt bad for the people who were trying to move me around - I had gained more than 50lbs during my pregnancy so I wasn’t an easy woman to maneuver. Finally I was on my hands and knees, but I was exhausted. The doctors were checking the heartbeat and fortunately, it went back up again. I was exhausted and asked if I could just rest on my forearms, and they said sure.

It was then that I realized that my ass was up in the air. My naked ass, since I had on a gown that didn’t open in the back. Not only my naked ass, but most of my back and my legs. And I was on all fours - come to think of it, it was a very similar position to that Britney Spears childbirth statue (because I know you were all dying for a visual). There were at least 7 strangers in the room, all withing 20 feet of my ass waving in the air.

The funny thing? I didn’t care! I was so out of it and so relieved that the baby was ok, that it was almost a funny thought to me. It also helped that my ass was as numb as the rest of my body so I couldn’t feel it up in the air. I’m sure if I could feel it I would have felt differently. My ass was out, waving proudly to the hospital staff and I couldn’t care less.

Now that the baby has been born, I’ve lost those inhibitions I had before. When you’re breastfeeding, you need to feed that baby or he’s going to start screaming his head off (well, mine will anyway). If you’re going to come into the room when I’m feeding I’m not going to hide my boob. There’ve been times when I’ve been talking to my sisters in the nursery with my boob just hanging out, saying hello to the world. I guess when you’ve had your ass out there for the world to see (and a lactation nurse grabbing your boob 10 different ways to show you how to breastfeed, but that will be in my breastfeeding post) then having your sisters see your boob isn’t a big deal.

Who knows, maybe for the next kid I just may go without the gown.

Eh…I’ll probably keep the gown.

Tags: Pregnancy by Yano
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Anyone who’s seen the movie “Garden State” will know what scene I’m referring to. Benjamin got a lot of presents, one of them was a onesie/blanket combo that had the same pattern. As soon as I saw it I knew I had to take this picture!

Tags: Pictures by Yano
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Here’s another thing that I’d love if you all spread the word about - copy it in emails to friends, post it on your blogs, stick it on your office fridge. I checked it out (I’m always wary of email hoaxes so I check things out to make sure that they are legit. This one definitely is and once again, it’s a great cause:

PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your friends and family. THANKS!

Mastectomy Hospital Bill in Congress

If you know anyone who has had a mastectomy, there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let’s give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.

It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important…please take the time and do it really quick!

Breast Cancer Hospitalization Bill - Important legislation for all women.

Please send this to everyone in your address book. If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times. If you are receiving this it’s because I think you will take the 30 seconds to go and vote on this issue and send it on to others you know who will do the same.

There’s a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protec! tion Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It’s about eliminating the “drive-through mastectomy” where women are forced to go home hours after surgery against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their web page with a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on.

Click here for the Lifetime site to sign the petition.

I remember when my mother got home from her operation. She was groggy, out of sorts, and needed a lot of cheering up. I don’t remember how long she was at the hospital, but I remember that when she did come home she still needed a lot of TLC. Getting a mastectomy isn’t something that should be an in and out procedure - not only is the recovery tough, but it’s also mentally and emotionally very trying.

So I beg you to sign this petition, and hopefully this bill gets passed.

Tags: Cool Link by Yano
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I was at the pharmacy the other day to pick up some stuff for Benbo. I came up to the register and there was a little Filipino lady there. I smiled at her and she smiled back. She must have had pretty good Filipino radar because she immediately started talking to me in Tagalog. [Tagalog is the national language of the Philippines] It took me a minute to realize what she was doing, then another couple seconds to figure out what she said. “Is this your first baby?” is what she had asked me. I looked over at Benjamin chilling out in his carseat which we put in the cart, and replied, “Yes, he’s our first,” in English.

Unlike most other children of immigrant families, most Filipinos that I know don’t know a lot of their parent’s language. Maybe enough to understand it, but rarely can they speak it well enough to have a good conversation. This is probably because English is so widely spoken in the Philippines (I don’t remember American shows being dubbed in Tagalog when I was there). So I grew up not knowing how to speak my parent’s language, but knowing enough to understand it. Most of the practice I had was watching Filipino movies on video with my family. My parents didn’t even speak to us in the national language - they spoke to us in their local dialect, which was very different from Tagalog (the Philippines has many different dialects). Right now I’d say my understanding of Tagalog is good enough for me to eavesdrop on my aunts and uncles when they’re talking to each other and they don’t think that I can understand them.

But I don’t remember the last time that someone outside of a grandaunt had tried to engage me in conversation using Tagalog.

So this salesclerk was speaking to me, asking me how old my baby was, what his name was, etc, and I had such a hard time trying to understand her, but I was doing my best. I replied back in English, and I don’t think she got it that I was hardly getting anything of what she was saying. I felt so ashamed that I didn’t know more Tagalog, she was so excited to talk to a customer that understood her native language.

I need to find some learn-at-home videos or something!

Tags: Daily by Yano
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Olympian Anthony Lobello is going to be walking for charity in the Relay for Life, trying to raise $50,000 for the American Cancer Society on Friday. I really don’t have any extra cash lying around right now - it’s all going to diapers and doctor bills, but this is my way of contributing to the cause.

The 2006 Olympian is joining forces with the American Cancer Society to raise money for the Relay for Life Friday in his hometown of Tallahassee, Fla. Typically, participants form teams and take turns walking during the 18-hour event, but Lobello plans to walk the entire time himself. He’s looking forward to the challenge.

…He’s focused on raising $50,000 for Friday’s relay. Individuals or organizations interested in making a donation can call M’Lea Davis at 850-297-0588.

If you’ve got anything extra to give, please donate. It’s a great cause and one that’s close to my heart.

Also, I know a lot of you do fundraising out there and have sent me emails (I’m talking about YOU, Leen, the charity queen!). I give when I can, but what I’ll also be doing from now on is posting them here so other people will get a chance to donate too!

Tags: Cool Link by Yano
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It’s Benjamin’s one month birthday today! It’s amazing that one month has passed already - it just seems like yesterday that I gave birth to him. Then again, it feels like I’ve had him forever.

Every day he grows bigger and bigger. He was such a tiny thing when he was born - now he’s got chubby little legs and arms. Everyone we’ve talked to tells us to cherish this first year - the baby will grow quickly. I’ve seen the kids of my friends and though it feels like they were born yesterday, they’re so big now!

Here’s his first picture:

…and here’s a picture we took today:

Happy birthday, my little chimichanga!

Tags: Pictures by Yano
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