Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies out there, and I know there theres a good amount of mommies reading this site!

Mother’s Day has been really been tough for me ever since my mother died. It’s a day that the sadness I feel on a daily basis gets amplfied and I fall into an little funk, remembering my mother and all she meant to me, feeling the pain of knowing that she’s gone. Sure, I remember the good times and what an amazing person that she was, but in the end it turns bittersweet.

Today is a bit different, since it’s my first mother’s day! I don’t know how long I’ve waited to celebrate this day as a mother, to go from giving the cards to getting them. Benjamin gave me the sweetest present (via his papa, of course) - a locket with “Mommy” engraved on it where I can keep his picture close to my heart. I cried when I saw it, it’s such an awesome present.

Of course, I still think about my mother. When I was pregnant, the thing that would get me the most emotional was thinking about my mother and how much I wanted her to be here for me and my baby. Now that Benjamin is born, I often find myself wondering what it would be like if she was here. There are so many questions that I have about my own upbringing, to ask her about her own experiences raising me and my sisters, what her advice would be, and so much more. I wonder how she would be with my baby, though I know she would spoil him horribly and shower him with tons of affection and talk nonstop to him in baby-talk. I even know what she would say to him, “Benjamin, Lola (grandmother) loves you very much! Also, your mommy is crazy but I know she loves you, too.” She loved to call me crazy. Then she would turn to me and ask me a million things about my baby and if I’m taking care of him in the right way and I’d get “yes. yes. yes….” and eventually tune her out. But I would smile and have happy feelings watching her with Benjamin, as I do watching my sisters play with him and my father hold him in his arms, staring lovingly at him and stroking his hair. She would stand and rock him in her arms, singing to him the songs that were sung to me and my sisters when we were babies…

They say that as much as you try, even if you swear not to, eventually you end up like your parents. I know that when I was a kid my mother was far from the person that I wanted to be because she wasn’t ‘cool’ - she was strict and when we said, “So and so’s parents let her do this…” she would return with, “Well, I’m your parent, so you have to do what I say…” It was only when I became older did I realize that the values my parents instilled in me made me a stronger and happier person. Not everything was handed to me on a silver platter and I’ve had to work for a lot. At first, I resented that, but now I realize that I appreciate the things I’ve worked for so much more.

But I’m going off on a tangent.

Happy mother’s day to you all. If you’re a mother, enjoy your day. It may not feel like your kids appreciate you right now, but believe me, one day they will. Hopefully they tell you that. If you have a mother, make sure to tell her how much you love her and how much you appreaciate all she’s done for you.

So to end this post, I’ll post up a pic of me and my mom when we were in the hospital after I was born, and 30+ years later with me and Benjamin (I stole the pic from Melanie)

Tags: Daily //