Finally At Peace
Terry Shiavo died this morning, finally putting to end the battle between her husband and her parents on whether she should remain on a feeding tube or not. Not only was this something that was battled between her family, but also through the legal system, Congress, the white house, and water coolers everywhere.
I’m glad that she’s finally at peace. I’m glad that we can stop talking about her, that our country can focus on other things, like how every day there are people dying in a war - a war that our country sent them to. But I don’t want to get into that.
The good thing that came out of this whole incident is that people are aware that they need to be prepared in case something like this happened to them. Terri did not have a living will - the legal document that says what would happen should you be in a state that you cannot make those decisions. Why would she have needed one? She was young when she had her heart attack - only 26, too young to think about death or anything related to it.
I haven’t made one yet. But with all of this happening with Terry, I’ve told my family what I want done, so there are no questions about it. I’ll make my way eventually to get a living will made, because there are so many other things that it covers - what to do if I’m on life support, who would take care of my kids (that I don’t have yet, but they’ll come soon enough) etc.
I don’t want to be a burden to my family - financially and emotionally. I wouldn’t want to live like Terry did for the last 15 years of her life, to me, that isn’t living. To ask to maintain my body’s function for that amount of time would just be selfish of me, and I would think that it would be selfish of myself to want someone I loved to ‘live’ that way, too. As I was telling my cousins the other day, with the morbid humor that I have sometimes, ‘I don’t like vegetables, I don’t want to BE a vegetable. Just let me go.’
Sure, you can say that it’s easier said than done. I’ve read debates on message boards on the whole subject. But I think that a lot of people who’ve done the debate haven’t been through this themselves.
But I’ve been through it, when my mother passed away. The last weeks of my mother’s life, when she was still able to speak with us and coherent, she created a living will. We knew her wishes and what she wanted to happen. She was suffering, but even more so, she didn’t want us to suffer anymore. She saw the toll it was taking on my father, who was by her bedside night and day for the last months of her life. She made the choice that she knew would break our hearts to make. She fought against the cancer valiantly, but she knew when it was time to stop, when her body just couldn’t go on anymore.
It killed us to let her go, but we knew that’s what she wanted.
If anything was to happen to me, I’d want to go the same way. I wouldn’t want to draw it out. At my aunt’s funeral last weekend, I was in the car with my cousin, talking about it. We were discussing what we’d want to happen, and I mentioned that I’m not afraid of death. I’ve seen so much of it in my life that I’m not scared that it will happen to me. I think that people are afraid of death because they feel that there is so much of their life that they have to live, so much that they need to accomplish and do. For me, I’m happy with the life that I’ve lived, the things that I’ve accomplished so far. I know that I am loved by all the people that matter, and that I love so many people that my heart is overflowing. My only regret would be that I haven’t had kids yet. But I don’t think that death is something to be scared of - it’ll come for you whether you’re afraid of it or not.
Wait, let me make a footnote to that last statement. I’m not afraid to die, unless it was something supernatural like the corpse of a dead girl that’s fallen into a well coming to kill me with her demon powers. Yeah, I’d be scared to die like that.
Wow. This is a pretty morbid post, isn’t it?
Anyway, rest in peace, Terry. My prayers go to your family that they will finally be able to let you go, but live on in their hearts.
One hard thing about a parent dying is that now YOU are the Grown Up and people turn to you for guidance and answers. That’s where having a large and supportive family is a great blessing.
Meant to post above comment down below Yano. As to the above I’d hate to see the separation of powers that is the basis of our form of govenment become politicized.
My husband and I have Living Wills. You don’t need to see a lawyer to make a Living Will. One of our local TV stations has them to download off their web site. The best time to make one out is when you are healthy and discuss your wishes with your loved ones.
I too hope Terry is at peace.
You are blessed to be at ease with death. I was just telling my mother that many a person will now consider living wills to avoid the unfortunate misery associated with such an already agonizing situation.
I agree with you about how I want my medical wishes to be carried out should something happen to me. I worked for a decade with the handicapped (mentally and physically) some severe and some not so severe. I don’t want to live life that way. If I had never know what “normal life” was that is different but living a “normal life” for 34 years now,, I don’t want to live as a severely brain damaged person. Uh uh not me. I am also not afraid of death Yano,, except of course the girl in the well, she scares the crap out of me!!
About the time Terri Schiavo’s situation became public, my uncle rushed to the hospital near death due to near failings of multiple organs (he’s diabetic). He pulled through and, with some changes in diet and lifestyle (excercise, cut down the sault, etc), will be around to keep us in line for awhile yet. He didn’t have a living will, nor did my aunt. However, at my cousin’s urging, both of them have living wills now.
I don’t know if anyone else in my family (including me) will draw up a living will soon, but we’re all pretty vocal that, if our only connection to life is through a plug in the wall, pull the plug.
Oh and I like vegetables. I just don’t think I’d make a very good one.
First of all nice web site. 2nd of all sounds like when my mom died. Sounds like you were lucky to have a woman like your mother in your life…I was to with mine.
As usual, you took the words right out of my mouth. I wouldn’t want to go on living like Terri did, either. I don’t know anyone that would, even my friends that don’t agree with what has happened say that, which I find interesting. Of course, it is a VERY complex issue.
The thing that I think is the most ironic of all is that this is a woman that was so loved by both her parents and siblings and her husbands, yet they could not find a way to get along, even for her. I wonder how Terri would feel about that, But, like you said, until you’ve been in their shoes, none of us should pass any judgment. My prayers go out to all of them, and I’m thankful that Terri is at peace and in a much better place now.
That would be just one HUSBAND
LOL @ Texx - one husband is good.
I often wonder where I could pull the plug if one of my parents or siblings were to be in Terri’s situation. I know it is what they would want, & I would want to honor that, but I would wonder if their is hope - maybe the doctors are wrong. If we wait a bit longer…. I guess I would always wonder if they were in a terminal vegetable state or not.