7pm - 5 bands! Four stages! The Black Eyed Peas start it off with ‘Let’s Get It Started’, the most played out song since ‘La Vida Loca’. But I still love BEP, and they did a good job. Surprised Fergie didn’t have her tiny tony skirt on. Probably afraid of the FCC. Gwen Stefani and Eve did a good job. The Joku girls are hot. I want to be one. Los Lonely Boys did a good job. The lead reminds me of Jose Feliciano, which brings a tear to my heart. The other guitarist looks like George Perez. For some reason, I’m really attracted to the lead singer of Maroon Five. His voice sounds really high and nasally today, and he looks like Peewee Herman in that suit, but still hot. Love this song by Franz Ferdinand. It rocks! Makes my toes wiggle and dance. Then everyone gets together and has one big smorgasboard of song. And it actually sounds good. Overall? A pretty kickass opening for the Grammys.

7: 20 - Los Lonely Boys win, in what to me is a surprise, beating out Maroon Five and No Doubt. They are genuinely surprised, and it’s touching to see their dad all teary eyed

7:25 - Alicia! What are you wearing? White just isn’t your color, especially as your foot is banging against the piano pedal. “She looks THICK!” Dave exclaims. “She has a big ass!” You know what, though? Who the hell cares what you look like when you sing like that? She is lighting it up tonight! She looks beautiful, and this rendition of ‘If I Ain’t Got You’ is spectacular. She’s amazing - her voice is just, man I can’t even find the words! “She’s hot. She’s really hot!” Dave says, neutralizing his earlier comment. She looks at the camera and Dave cries, “She’s looking at me!” Jamie Foxx comes out and channels Ray Charles, very well, I must say. A sweet, sweet rendition of “Georgia On My Mind” Who knew that Jamie could sing so well? And a well deserved standing O for the two of them.

7:32 - Prince wins Best Male R&B Male Performance, and he’s not there. I’m a bit surprised that it isn’t Usher. Dave’s upset that Usher didn’t win because he wants to see Usher’s date again.

7:40 - Hmm, U2 seems a little chill today. I was expecting a little more. Nice song, though. Gives me a chance to go to the kitchen and get some cookies. Did you see the shot of Quentin Tarantino afterwards? He looked like a big Korean thug.

7:45 - Pharrell Williams is up giving away and award. Yummy! Greenday wins, the first of many, I’m sure. Dave points to the TV and yells, “You saved rock, baby! You saved rock!”

7:55 - JLo and Mark Anthony. Was it worth all the hype? Well, Jlo’s dress was awesome, her voice is much stronger than I thought it would be, but she had trouble with some notes. Mark, of course, was fantastic. But he looks like a chihuahua. I admit it, they look cute together - you can really see something in their eyes - for a couple seconds, at least. I wish they kissed at the end.

8:09 - OK, I admit, that although I used the beginning of the Country mastermix performance as a bathroom break, I really loved it when they performed ‘Sweet Home Alabama’.

8:14 - ever since I listened to Queen Latifah’s jazz CD, I wanted to see her sing it. I’m really impressed. I’m tempted to start waving my arms and chanting ‘U-N-I-T-Y”. It’s been a long time since then, baby! She’s now a sexy, sultry jazz diva, and it’s obvious that she’s lost weight. Looking like a queen, there. I tell Dave that I should start singing jazz, he tells me he’s going to start tap dancing. And proceeds to dance. Which isn’t pretty.

8:20 - Kanye West loses Best New Artist. To make up for what happened during the American Music Awards where he went ballistic when he lost, he shakes the hand and hugs each one of the Maroon Five guys, who beat him for the award. I guess someone told Kanye (probably Christopher Cross) that Best New Artist translates to “Most People Who Win This Are Never Heard From Again”. No wonder he’s smiling.

8:27 - What the hell is Quentin Tarantino wearing? I think he’s packing heat, yo. He announces Greenday, who are FUCKING AWESOME. Greenday to me represents being young, being stupid, not caring, being an idiot, and just living and loving life. They make me smile, they make me feel good. I adore them. THEY ROCK! *sticks out tongue and makes rock signs with her fingers and jams*

8:45 - Love the Kanye West part. I wish he was at the podium a little more - maybe he’ll win some later. This was a great performance.

8:49 - Whew!!! Kanye wins best Rap Album. Come on Kanye, cry. But don’t make me cry. Oh, here I go. You go, my Chi-Town boy!!! Nice speech, nice.

8:47 - Kris Kristofferson co-wrote ‘Me and Bobby McGee’? That’s AWESOME. One of Janis Joplin’s best songs. He’s up to introduce Joss Stone, who I think is one of the best things to happen to music in a LONG time. Who thought such soulfull sounds could come out of that tiny little British girl? Um, it may be a little insensitive of me, but why is Melissa Etheridge bald? Is she going through chemo? Because if she is, and she’s going in front of everyone bald, she’s my new hero. Showing everyone out there that bald is beautiful - who needs wigs? Be proud of what you’re going through. I was so proud of my mom when she ditched the wig and just went out with her super short do - she looked badass. Joss and Melissa make this one of the best performances of the night!
[edit] Yes, Melissa Etheridge was diagnosed with breast cancer last year

9:25 - John Mayer sings ‘Daughters’ and it makes me all tingly. Reminds me of when Maui sang it for his little Jillian. I think I want to be best friends with John Mayer.

9:37 - Anthony Lapaglia speaks. Who? Exactly. Just kidding. He announces a song that is going to raise money for tsunami victims. I’m sorry, but this song is no ‘We Are the World’. I mean, Steve Tyler’s playing maraccas! Please, stop, I’m hurting here. Looks like Duff McKagan in the back is hurting, too. Dave says, “Who’s that guy? He looks like a math teacher!” I tell him it’s Brian Wilson, and he says, ‘WHO!?!’ and I said ‘From the Beach Boys’. Dave’s eagle eyes notice that Nora Jones’ mic is stuck to her dress.

9:44 - Is this everyone wins a Grammy night? John Mayer wins for Song of the Year.

9:53 - Usher is up! He’s got the whole package - he’s got a great voice, and he’s got some sweet moves. Smooth. I can watch him all day. Watching this really makes me miss dancing in college. That fucking handkerchief move kicked ass. And Dave’s happy because once again, they showed Usher’s date.

9:58 - Ray Charles and Nora Jones win record of the year. Her speech is touching. I was hoping he’d win this one. I can’t believe it - they’re turning the music on the people who are speaking for Ray Charles! Have you shame, Academy? OK, they turned it off.

- Album of the Year - it could be anyone! But the voters go for the safe choice and honor the late Ray Charles. I love this old man who speaks for Ray. Such kind eyes. Nice way to end the night.

Best quote?

“Everybody wanted to know what I’d do if I didn’t win. I guess we’ll never know.”
–Kanye West

Best commercial?

The one where the guy drops the case of Heineken, and then throughout the land, men stop, scared, frozen, knowing that something, somewhere, has gone terribly wrong. AWESOME.

Funniest post show comment:

“Irony Award: At the one event where no one was likely to yell out “Play ‘Freebird,’” they played “Freebird.”" <- E! Online

Truthfully, this was the best Grammys I’ve seen in a while. It moved along, the performances were all pretty good, there wasn’t one clear winner, and no big drama. Good times.

Tags: Reviews //