Not the Only One
It would be an understatement to say that I’ve had a hard time adjusting since I’ve been home. My life is so completely different now from when I left here in August. Everything is the same, yet everything is different. It’s a whole new world for me.
But all that is for a post on another day, I still need time to sort out what I’m going through.
I know part of it is that Chicago just isn’t the same without my mom. She lingers everywhere I go, in so many of the faces that I see.
I watched the E! biography on Mike Myers, one of my favorite funny men. His father died during the height of his career, and they mentioned it took him three years to get through depression. Three years! In a weird way, when I saw it, I thought to myself, ‘I totally understand.’ Before, I would have felt bad for him that it took so long to start to come to terms with it. But now, it’s just a sad nod of understanding.
Sometimes I get so caught up in my own thoughts and pain that I often forget to take a step back an see that I’m not the only one that’s lost someone important.
My cousin Melanie, who’s lived next door to me all my life, had posted this on her blog a couple months ago, and I guess I kept it to keep me grounded. Not to wallow in my own pity because there are others out there that are feeling pain, too. Her mother was best friends with my mom, they did everything together….
The other day I heard her talking to a little bird that was perched on the bird feeder next to her. “Hello Cris…” is all my mom said and went on with her gardening. It was one of those moments that I wanted to capture on film. But to do so would be to disturb the bitter sweetness of the moment… Since my mom didn’t know that I was standing there watching her and this little bird, later she excitedly told me about my aunt’s “visit” and how the bird just sat there for a little while and watched her and she just felt this kind of warmth and that’s when I started to believe that maybe my aunt really does linger there so that my mom wouldn’t feel so lonely…
I think I also keep this one because everytime I read it I cry, just remembering all their adventures together, all the time that they spent gardening, watering the lawns, picking up each other’s kids from school…
Man, I get so depressed when I’m out of town!
I cry EVERYTIME I read it, too…it’s just beautifully written…=*)
I’m so sorry dear. I send you hugs and prayers. I wish I could do more but I’ll do what I can.
Blessings,
Lara
whenever thoughts of your mommy pops into my head I think of what a friend once told me…
“the reason why thoughts of certain people come into your mind is because they’re actually thinking of you too…”
it’s nice to know your mommy still thinks of us all the time. ^_^
*hugs* to you…