I just finished watching the Chicago Cubs rally downtown (on TV of course, because I'm a good girl and don't miss work, heh heh) and I'm a little emotional. I'm so glad our team has made it this far (and really, it makes our home a bit happier so Dave isn't trudging around like a grumpy bear). However, with this euphoric, happy feeling, comes that nervousness, that nagging feeling in the back of my head that says, "Don't get TOO happy now". Dave said it best when he said, "I feel a Bartman hiding behind every corner", which he didn't coin himself, but I don't know where he got it from.

As a city, we are overjoyed to win the division, but we know that the journey is still a long one. Yet, we have rallies, we wear our division shirts and hats proudly...and the lyrics of "Go Cubs Go" are heard throughout the city:

...oh, and I didn't want to tell y'all until I knew we made the playoffs for sure, but guess who scored tickets in the bleacher section for Game 4?

Me!

ME! ME! ME! ME!

Whoo hoo! Go Cubbies!

A couple weeks ago we went to Mike and Sue's wedding. It's kinda crazy, I've known Mike for half of my life. It was really great to be there on his big day, and to know that he's found his life partner. I've seen him with a myriad of ex-girlfriends, from the crazy ones to the ones that were nice, but just not right. His wife, Sue, is wonderful, and knowing that her friends and family are genuinely good people makes it even better.

So here's some pics, if you'd like to see the whole set, go here.

The theme of the night was Movies

The new couple!

Mmmm, cake!

The Boys!

I just wanted to confess something to you guys...

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while know that I'm a novice at cooking, that I make mistakes like shredding cabbage for tacos instead of lettuce. But since we must eat to survive, eating out is too costly, and my in-laws don't invite us to dinner every day, then I have been forced to practice the art of cooking.

Since I'm up late at night working, I often have "Iron Chef" or "Top Chef" on Bravo on. I'm fascinated by the fact that these people can come up with amazing food right off the top of their heads. For me, cooking involves carefully measured ingredients, timers, and hours and hours of chopping things. But by watching these shows, I've learned that you don't have to stick by the book, you can just use your sense of taste and what you think would taste good.

So here's my dirty little secret - I LOVE COOKING! Yes, I can't believe I've said that, and 2 years ago, cooking was like torture to me. But now, I've allowed myself to not get stressed over it. It has become less of a chore and more of an artform, a way to express myself through food. Although I still use recipes, I've learned to go off on my own. Even with recipes, I know when I can add a little splash of this or a dash of that to make it better.

I'm always working to make myself better, though I think it annoys Dave when I keep on asking him, "How is it? Can I make it better? Was it better last time?" Maybe I should just have a comment card for him to fill out after he eats.

So yeah, if I wasn't so busy working, I'd be a cooking fiend! As it is, I really only get a chance to cook something interesting about once a week...

Posted by Yano at 06:24 AM | Comments (6)

Interesting article I found on Yahoo! today:

The High Cost of Being a Workaholic

The best workers are well-rounded professionals with full lives, in and out of the office. Each year, new studies abound about the importance of vacations, hobbies, and enjoying your leisure time. But are you listening?

Your friends and family will be in your life a lot longer than you'll hold most jobs. Also, pursuing leisure activities you're passionate about can lead to a second career.

Cheng concludes, "Work-life balance is a choice. If you reflexively say yes to taking on extra work, you may live to regret it."

Eh. It would be nice to be able to say, "No, I can't do that".

Hmph

You know, I've always carried a little bit of a grudge against Claire Danes for the remarks that she made about the Philippines way back in '98 - calling the capital, Manila, a "ghastly and weird city". I think she's the only celebrity in the Philippines who has her movies banned from being screened.

Since then, I've just had this negative feeling towards her, even though I loved her in "My So Called Life". I started warming up to her again after watching "The Family Stone", because I admit, she truly is a great actress. But I still had that little nagging feeling about her.

That changed last weekend. Fatima had been wanting to watch "Stardust" for the last several weeks, and I finally had some free time to go out and see the movie. Truthfully, based on the commercials and my Claire Danes issues I really didn't feel like watching the movies. I'm a Neil Gaiman fan, so I did read the book, but it was so long ago that I really didn't remember much about the story outside of it being about a man hunting for a falling star, which ends up being a woman. But Fatima wanted some quality time, and I admit, I was curious.

I went into the movie with pretty low expectations. I knew that the movie had a pretty high profile cast - Danes, Michelle Pfieffer, Robert DeNiro headline the movie. But based on the trailer, it just looked so-so. If it wasn't for Fatima, I probably would have just waited for this movie to show up on cable.

I'm happy to say that I was pleasantly surprised at how good the movie was. The movie had the perfect mix of fantasy, adventure, romance and comedy. I found myself very involved in the movie, laughing at the funny parts and sighing during the romantic parts. Danes was excellent, and the lead in the movie, "Charlie Cox", was charming as the reluctant hero. The movie totally goes crazy once DeNiro comes on screen, and I don't want to spoil the scene for you, but let me tell you, I would have NEVER figured DeNiro to pick the role he did. He goes all out in his role, and is definitely the highlight of the movie. Michelle Pfieffer is back after being in hiding for several years, and she looks gorgeous. I was also surprised to see Sienna Miller in the movie as well - I think the is the first movie I've seen with her and she truly is a beautiful woman.

If I could compare this movie to any other, it would be "The Princess Bride". Of course, this movie doesn't hold a candle to it, but it's as close as I've seen. It takes you to a magical land, with fantastic characters, good and bad. You really feel for the lead characters, you truly want them to be together and your heart swoons during every special moment they share.

So if you get a chance, go out and see this movie. It's a lot of fun, a great escape into a wonderful world of fantasy.

I'm part of a football pool at work, and everyone has a cool name for their team. I'm overtired, over worked, and really lame, so all I could come up with is "Mama Bear".

Anyone got any better ideas for a cool name for my football team? I don't want anything with "Yano" in it - remember, these are work people, they don't know about my secret internet life (well, at least I pretend that they don't know.)

Suggestions are welcome!

Today is my mother's birthday. She would have been...um...really old. ;)

I miss her, every day....

When You're Gone
Avril Lavigne

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

So I'm on vacation for a couple days, for my annual outing to the Wizard World Comic Book convention. It starts today, but I actually had yesterday as a day off just to rest and hang out.

It feels like it's been so long since I've had a vacation (last "official" one was in February). Life has been going so fast and work has been keeping me so busy that I haven't had time to stop and take in the world around me.

So yesterday, I ran a couple errands, went crazy shopping at Hobby Lobby, and took Benjamin to the mall. I let him play in the play area for about an hour (there's all sorts of things for kids to tinker with and climb there) and to tell the truth, it had been the best hour I've had in months. No computer, no phone calls, no running around and multi-tasking...just me, sitting on a bench, watching Ben climb up a fake bridge and slide down, always running around to start over again and giving me a smile of pure joy.

It was his 16 month birthday (yes, I still keep track) and although he's still tiny for his age, he makes up for it in his want to be like the big kids. Other mothers commented on how amazed they were that he could climb the objects like the older kids for being such a little guy (he was the smallest kid who was able to walk around).

Who knew that doing something so simple could be so wonderful?

Things might be looking up in terms of workload and stress, though I'm hesitant to feel optimistic, just because we're not completely out of the dark yet. We've found some alternatives to fix some big issues, but time will tell if those solutions will bring any baggage of their own.

Ever watch the movie "The Descent"? Without giving too much away, it's a story about cave explorers who find monsters deep in the earth. It's a struggle to stay alive and find a way out. At the end, the light at the end of the tunnel is found. After all the terror and suffering of the dark passages below, an opening is found, salvation lies in a beam of sunlight shining overhead, all that is needed is to climb a small pile of rocks, a tiny obstacle compared to the monsters below, to get to safety and a normal life.

But is it really the end? Will the monsters come back and drag us back into the depths of the earth? Is this all a dream? Can we escape and become "normal" again?

That's a bit how I feel. And depending on which version of the movie you watch, the outcome can go either way...the happy ending, or the really sucky ending. I see that light at the end of the tunnel, and I want to run to it, embrace it, and breathe a sigh of relief. But I'm hesitant to, since I'm not really sure that my trial has ended, and that the road to the end is as near as it appears to be.

Oh, and I guess I spoiled the movie for you...just a little bit, I swear. It's entertaining...you should watch it. In a very dark room. By yourself. Then you won't be upset with me for my spoilers because you'll be peeing in your pants with fear.

Ugh, I shouldn't write posts at 3 in the morning!

You can tell when I'm swamped with work by the amount of posts on the main page of this site. Sadly, that's how the main page has been for the last several months!

So yeah, I'm busy. I'm in what I call "critical mode" trying to figure out issues and put out fires. Luckily I've got a great team of people to work with, so I don't feel alone in my sea of stress.

But yeah, I've got a knot in my stomach, my shoulders are a bit hunched from the tenseness and I've had about an hour and a half of sleep. CRITICAL MODE!

*insert barfing emoticon here*

This site needs some emoticons! I need graphic representations of my feelings!

Yesterday after putting Ben to bed in his pull out bed, I sat on my couch to check my email for work (I had the "day off" yesterday, yet didn't). It was about 10:30pm. I stayed on that couch until 1:30am, working.

Today, I woke up, brought Ben downstairs to hang out and wait for his grandpa to pick him up, and logged into my computer. That was 7:30am.

It's now 1:30pm. I've gotten off the couch (non-Ben related) about 3 times. Twice to go to the bathroom and once to grab a drink and eat a couple of chips. Dave's on his way home from work and he's getting fried chicken for lunch, so it looks like I can just eat my lunch on the couch and not have to get up for anything.

Usually, I'd go upstairs in the office to work, but I'm too lazy and too busy to get my ass and all my computer gear up there.

Work, work, work...I shouldn't even be taking the time to type this!

Just a nice little story for today...

Wisconsin community aids lemonade stand robbery victim with cards and cash

OSHKOSH, Wis. (AP) -- An 11-year-old boy who was robbed at his lemonade stand is seeing another side of humankind in the outpouring of support he has received since his story was reported.

Austin Cundy says some people have asked if he would like to set up a lemonade stand at their businesses, while others have sent cards with money or offered to replace the $20 that was in his plastic container when it was taken Tuesday.

"I think it's very nice that people care,'' he said Thursday.

Austin was using the stand to raise money to go camping with his grandparents and to buy his mother a birthday present.

He told police he saw two teens eyeballing him as they bicycled past, then one of them punched him, shoved him off his chair and took the container along with his wallet.

A tip from the public led officers to the home of a 17-year-old boy on Wednesday where officers found a container but no money, police Sgt. Steve Sagmeister said. The teen was being held on suspicion of robbery and physical abuse of a child, pending formal charges, he said.

Austin's mother, Nicole Cundy, said the community's response has been impressive.

"All of these people are showing how much they care about a little boy they don't even know,'' she said. "It's wonderful.''

Source

Dave and I were driving around a neighborhood once, trying to find our friends house. We saw some little kids on the side of the road, selling lemonade. Feeling charitable, I told Dave to stop and pulled out a couple dollars. The girls had a little table set up and were sitting on a cooler. Their parents were sitting in the garage enjoying the day.

I stuck my head out the window and said, "We'll have two glasses." The little girls were elated to have customers. One girl carefully poured the lemonade into a little plastic cup while the other said, "Fifty cents, please!"

Fifty cents?!?!? I was expecting it to cost more for some reason. I handed her a dollar and she proceeded to reach into her little money box to get change. "Nah, keep the change" I said. Her eyes opened wide as she said, "Thanks!"

Her partner in crime brought over our glasses of lemonade and Dave and I were back on our way.

I took a sip of the lemonade and wanted to spit it out. It was pretty watery and just had a hint of lemon and sugar in it. Probably the worst lemonade I've ever had. Dave felt the same. We joked around about driving back to the girls and throwing the lemonade at them as we drove by.

But of course, we didn't.

It was pretty fun to imagine, though!

Hello everyone!

I woke up last night, on the couch, at around 3am. I was on the couch because Ben and I had fallen asleep, and Dave had come to take Ben upstairs and asked me to wash the dishes. I said, "yeah, yeah" and promptly fell back asleep.

I woke up at around 3am, and thought, "OK, I'll wash the dishes now", and lay there for a couple seconds. Then I heard a big "pop!" outside and then all lights went off in the house. I went into panic mode (because I REALLY afraid of the dark) but luckily my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and the lights from outside gave me a little light to see with. I ran upstairs, fumbled around in the closet to change out of my jeans and jumped into bed, waiting for the power to go back on so I could wash the dishes.

Turns out it was a long wait, since the power STILL isn't back on. This morning I had to help Dave manually open the garage door so he could leave for work. Then I had a 7:30am conference call which my uncharged phone battery only lasted for 45 minutes on, and that was plugged into my laptop for power. I realized that all the phones in the house are cordless and don't work if there's no power. I couldn't find just a regular phone to plug in.

So here I am, sitting at the White Hen (like a 7-11) across the street, keeping vigil on what's going on with the power guys working on the streets in front of the house. The "free internet" sign on the store always intrigued me, and here I am, using it. However, there aren't any power outlets handy, so I'm going to head over to the in-laws to work today.

Argh!

Today is NOT a good day.

Just wanted to show off my new toy. My previous phone had been falling apart, even though I had only had it for a couple years. I also had some phone envy after seeing some of my coworker's phones at our conference in April. Often I'm at a client site where I don't have access to company email or the internet, and having a web-enabled phone was a good idea.

So after a little bit of shopping around and research, I finally went for the Sprint MotoQ. In terms of performance and price, it was definitely the best option for me. I still haven't set it up for my company email, but so far, so good, it's working well for me. I've also become quite the texter, thanks to the easy to navigate keyboard.

The main con I had for the phone was that the charge didn't even last 12 hours. It was really annoying because I would have to turn off my phone for part of the day if I was traveling just to make sure that I had enough power in case something happened with my flight. Of course, I hadn't taken time to read the manual, so it was only a couple weeks later that I realized that if I turned off the "Constantly recieve data" option (or something like that) then my battery life moved up to 3 days.

So I'm lovin' my little MotoQ, it's slim, light, and has all the functions I need!

It's been a while since Ben had seen him cousin Kenzo, so his mom and I decided to have a play date. It was agreed that the location would be the Chicago Children's Museum over at Navy Pier. I hadn't been there yet, and was curious to see what the place was like.

It was horribly busy at Navy Pier, which was no surprise, since it was a Saturday. Trully had both boys in tow, little Leonardo and "too cool for a stroller" Kenzo. Let me tell ya - if I ever have another kid, I don't think I'll be going out of the house again - EVER. Just watching her trying to handle both boys gave me a headache! How do people do it?

There was one point where she left to go to the bathroom and I was left with all the boys. Leo was no problem - he's still a wee one so he was going to stay in place in his baby seat. However, whenever I would spy Benjamin, I would lose Kenzo. Whenever I would find Kenzo, then Benjamin would magically disappear. I also had to make sure that both boys didn't grab toys away from the other kids, or, in Ben's case, get too close to unruly bigger kids.

It was still a fun day, the boys really had a great time. Especially in the water room, where they got to play around with water and boats. Ben was very serious as he was experiementing with the mini water fountains and what his hands would do to them. Kenzo, on the other hand, was a little more adventurous and got pretty soaked.

Here's some pics of the boys - I had been planning to bring my nice camera, but I had forgotten it at home so I used my phone camera.

Waterboys

In His Raincoat

Kenzo the Rock Star

I'm going on about 12 total hours of sleep since Monday, which explains why I haven't been able to update my beloved blog.

I miss you all.

Tired. So tired.

A couple weeks ago, Ben and I slept over at my Dad's place, the house were I grew up. It was a little weird to sleep in my old bedroom, which had been converted into a guest room. The bed is in a different place, the drawers are against the other wall, the drapes are different, the floor is now polished wood, rather than my shaggy mauve carpeting.

Its always great to come "home" again. I call it home, because to me, it will always be home. It doesn't matter that my dad has changed the flooring, added new things to the walls or, the thing that bugs me most - rearranged the items in the kitchen drawers (come on now, it takes me 5 minutes to just find a spoon!) - it will always be home to me.

We went to church the next day, which hasn't changed as much as our house. Ben was an active little bugger, and I took him to the back of the church midway through mass. He had a great time walking around the back, trying to go down the stairs to the church basement, talking to other people in the back...he was a little clown.

Afterwards, we went to the cemetary to visit my mom's grave.

Now, I haven't brought Ben to my mom's gravesite yet. It's not that I haven't wanted to, but I just haven't found the time or the occasion to. I know that it would also be a very hard thing for me to do. It's hard enough for me to go there without him. This was the first time he went there.

Before that day, I had imagined a hundred times what it would have been like. We drive up there, just the two of us...maybe I would bring a blanket so we can just sit and chat with his Lola (grandmother). As soon as we get to the gravesite, I would be holding him in my arms, and I would say, "Mommy, this is Benjamin. Benjamin, this is your Lola." Then I would bust out in tears and sob and sob, with poor little Ben trying to figure out what was going on. I would then throw myself on her grave and beat the earth, wailing and trying to catch my breath. It would take me hours to recover.

But it wasn't like that. Probably because my dad was there, too, and I always tend to throw up the emotion dampener when he's around. We got to her gravesite, and Ben toddled next to us. He stood upon my mom's grave and started picking on the grass. I told him to get off because it was rude to step on his grandmother. We said a couple prayers as Ben explored around him. No tears, no wailing, the earth did not feel the wrath of my pounding fists. Just a well of emotion knowing that my mom was watching over us, smiling, and probably rolling her eyes at the realization that I am grooming a Mini-Yano.

I still miss her a lot. She would have loved Benjamin and spoiled him rotten. I can't let another year go be before visiting her with Benjamin again. I want to make sure he knows his Lola and the incredible woman that she was.

Independence Hall

I took this picture two years ago in Philadelphia. I had finished up with a client early and had several hours before I needed to go to the airport, so I decided to go to the historical area of the city and check things out.

I joined a tour of Independence Hall, where the Declaration of Independence was signed, as well as where the Constitution was debated and written. It was really cool being there, and I soaked up the history of the building, imagining the Second Continental Congress sitting there, in a room that's as big as two of my living rooms, deciding the fate of our country. Representatives of the colonies, trying to put aside differences and agree on separating themselves, as a new country, from England. Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and other figures from history, sat in this room. It was an incredible feeling.

If you haven't seen the movie "1776", you should. It gives a lot of insight into what happened in the months before the Declaration of Independence was signed. Sure, it's a musical, but it's also very interesting. As a bonus, you get to see Gwyneth Paltrow's mom, Blythe Danner, in the movie. When you see her, it's obvious who she is!

So I hope you all have a great holiday today. It sucks that it's in the middle of the week, but hey, it's still a day off!

Yesterday we attended Dave's graduation from his residency program. It's been a long, challenging 3 years for the both of us, but we've made it throught. It was a great dinner at the swanky hip W hotel downtown. We got a little lost when we were trying to find it, since there was construction on the streets surrounding it. We came across this building and I was like, "Is this the W?" Then I felt like a big idiot because there was this huge statue in the front in the shape of a W.

We brought Ben with us, as well as Dave's parents, his aunt, my dad and his brother and girlfriend. I was worried that Ben would be grouchy since he didn't sleep on the way there. He was so enthralled by the sights of downtown Chicago, he kept on pointing out the window at the various buildings and shouting, "Da?!? Gogoodada?!?" Yes, his vocabulary could use some work!

The dinner was at the top floor of the W, looking over the lake and Navy Pier. After the dinner we had a great view of the weekly fireworks show. By then, though, Ben was out like a light.

Ben was a little testy during dinner, but he didn't fuss too much or start crying. He just wanted to move around from person to person and threw a lot of his food on the floor. Many people remarked on how well behaved he was, so I guess other people's kids are much rowdier at the table. Either that, or they just weren't paying attention.

The dinner was ok, although because of Ben I only ate half of my halibut. After the crappy food at the W in Seattle, I didn't have high expectations for the food here. The fish was a little dry, and the couscous had too much pepper. Eew.

They had some cute video spoofs, with jokes that only doctors could appreciate. There were also photo montages of the graduating residents. It was cute to see Dave's fellow residents as little kids. I had submitted some baby pictures (and I was nice and didn't submit the ultra embarrassing ones) and Dave was surprised to see them on screen. "Where did they get those pictures from?" I just shrugged my shoulders and looked away.

After the dinner, our family went home, with my dad assigned to babysitting duties so Dave and I could attend the after party. It had been a LONG time since I've been to an after party, and even longer that I've been out in Chicago past 2am. Which is hilarious, because when I was 22 my dad imposed a 2am curfew for me which I broke every weekend. But that's another story.

The after party was at this gorgeous downtown condo that had views of both the east of downtown, which included the John Hancock building as well as my old building, and the south, which includes Sears Tower. I don't know if it was because most people had several drinks in them or because I was just tired, but I didn't have my little social freeze thing that I usually do at functions like that. I mingled with no problem, talking to different people about a multitude of topics. (By the way, Melanie and Chariya, Rob P from gradeschool says HI).

At the end of the night, with my feet hurting (it's been a while since I've been in heels) and exhausted, I played the designated driver and drove my man home. I had already decided to do that earlier in the night, because on our way to the after party, Dave insisted that I "press the button" to cross the street. FYI - there aren't buttons to have the walk sign appear when you're in downtown - there are so many people down there the walk sign comes on automatically. However, when I told him there wasn't a button, he went up to a pole and looked for one.

So now, Dave's done with school. Of course, he insists, he's not done with studying because as a doctor he is always learning. But he's done with the schooling part and the giving lectures part. I'm proud of all the hard work he's done, and I have never regretted the sacrifices we've had to make to get to where we are today. I'm also happy to say, that next month, I will no longer be the breadwinner of the house.

Bring on the sugardaddy!

;)

It's hard being a road warrior, finding yourself in a different city every week. When I was on pregnancy leave, I kind of missed the whole travel thing (and worried about being able to keep my Premiere status, which I have lost.) But I wanted to stay home to be with Ben and make sure that we bond together and that I wasn't an absentee mommy. That was one of the main reasons that I took on the client in Milwaukee - it was only two hours away (well, an hour and a half with my driving)

Lately, though, I've been traveling a lot more. As much as I love new experiences and seeing different parts of this country, the traveling life is a lonely one. I basically go to work in the morning, and usually by the time I'm done, all the cool touristy places are closed, so I end up going to the mall. Dinner is usually fast food, room service, or, if I'm feeling special, sushi, if I can find a good place.

This time around, I got lucky. I'm teaching a class this week, and one of my students invited me over to dinner at her house. I guess I should have had the "stranger danger" alarm turn on, but she was a sweetheart and if she did end up being a serial killer, people in the class knew where I was going and they would know to look in her dark and musty basement if I didn't show up the next day.

So I drove over to her place last night, which was an enjoyable ride in the hills north of Atlanta. I love the local roads around here. They're long, windy, and surrounded by lush green forests. Her house was gorgeous, and her husband and daughter wereawesome. They were so easy to talk to and joke around with that I immediately felt comfortable with them. We ate tortellini and freshly brewed sweet tea (y'all know how much I love that sweet tea!) Afterwards, we sat on the porch eating ice cream and just chatting about deep things like passport laws and dog farts. Although I knew I had a lot of work to do last night, I was reluctant to leave.

I take it as a big compliment when clients invite me out to dinner, even more so if it's out to dinner with their family or to their home. It shows me what amazing people they are, to be able to bring in this stranger into the lives of their loved ones, and even into their homes. I don't know if I'd be able to do the same thing (probably not, since my cooking sucks).

It was nice to have a sense of home, a sense of being comfortable around people while I've been here. As great as it was, though, I can't wait to go home tomorrow!

I know it's a little late, but I just wanted to wish all you dads out there a happy Father's Day.

We had a pretty busy day today. Woke up early and headed out to breakfast with Dave's parents, where Benjamin behaved pretty well, and ate all of his scrambled eggs. He then made friends with this old lady who had an oxygen tank. I thought Ben would have wanted to play with her tank, but he had more fun playing with the zipper on her purse.

We went to church after that, where Ben was a total trip. We were sitting in the back of the church so Ben could walk around. He was making rounds and made several friends. He was trying to steal the sunglasses of the woman who was next to me, so I gave him my sunglasses to play with. I found his broken pair of sunglasses and fixed them up. At first, he didn't want to wear them, but one he let me put them on, he loved them. He walked around the back of the church and was showing off his sunglasses to his new friends, giving them a cheesey grin.

After church we headed out to Brandon's christening. Of course, Ben made some friends there as well. He also grabbed the waiter's ass. Not because he wanted to, but because he was using the waiter's ass because he needed something to hold on to as he was going down a step. Pretty resourceful, my little guy!

To top off the day, we headed out to Leo's "welcome to the world" party. Since his kuya Kenzo had his shirt off, Ben decided to go shirtless, too. Though he did look a little funny because his diaper was so high up on his back. There was a little girl at the party who was about six or seven years old. She had mentioned that she had a younger brother who was as old as Benjamin. It was hilarious because she kept on picking him up from behind and carrying him around. Ben would be so surprised he was being picked up that he would just be frozen while she was carrying him around, so it looked like she was carrying a mannequin. He had a lot of fun with the other kids, trying to follow them around and take part in their little games. He was like the little brother who wanted to play so badly with the big kids!

So now I'm back at home, trying to catch up with everything before I head out to Atlanta tomorrow.

I'm so tired!

I'm a hugger, as I've said before.

I love to hug people, and I make sure when I'm hugging, I squeeze tight. Of course, there are times when I can get the vibe from a person that they're not a hugger, so I hang back when I feel the need to, but in most cases, I'm a bear hugger.

I think the best kinds of hugs are the ones when you give someone a hug, and they grunt at the fierceness of your hug. Or they just grunt because the hug feels so good.

That's when I know I've done my job. I've hugged you, and you've "hoormphed" in return.

Those are the good hugs.

So to all you grunters, thanks for making me a better hugger.

Guess who drove me home on Tuesday night?

My sister Fatima!

Now for those of you who don't know her, that statement brings no surprise. But for those of you who do know my sister, as well as the history of the females in my family, then you'd be surprised, and probably pretty impressed.

The thing is, my sister doesn't have a driver's license, and she's in her mid 20's. Of course, it's not a bad thing, it's just a personal choice that she has. She has just never needed to drive.

We've got something close to a family curse, where no females in our family have gotten their driver's license when they were in highschool. I'm not sure why - I got mine when I was 19, my sister Claudine was in her 20's, my cousin Marilyn still needs to get one, my cousin Marian was in her 20's as well.

Although I took the required driving class when I was in highschool, we weren't required to actually get our licenses. I was planning on getting it, but after a red light misshap (who would have thought that two interections with red lights would be so close together?) I didn't feel like going in to take an extra lesson, so I never went for my license. However, when I was in college, I dated this guy who lived about 15 minutes away from my house by car. Since I didn't drive, he would pick me up when we'd go out. He'd also pick me out when we were just hanging out at his place. After a while, he got pretty tired of having to make that trip back and forth, so he told me that if I didn't get my license, I would have to take the bus. Being stubborn, I took the bus. So the 15 minute trip to his place ended up being an hour and half by bus. I did that a couple times, but then realized I had to suck it up and get my license.

So each of us has had our own reasons for putting off the whole license thing. I'm happy that Fatima's making the effort to get her license now. I had gone over to her place to pick her and Marilyn up to have a sleepover at my place. Since my car is getting on in years (when Claudine was first learning how to drive, I stated that she could never drive my car, or something like that) I'm not as protective of my car as I was before. So I asked her if she wanted to drive, and although she was a little surprised that I offered, she agreed.

We drove back to my house, which involved some city driving, a LOT of crazy merges, one toll and 3 different highways. She did great, although there were one or two times when I needed to squeese the door handle just a little tighter. However, at no time did I press the imaginary passenger side brake, which is what my dad used to do when I was learning how to drive (and still does to this day).

So the last one that needs to get their license is Marilyn and then there are no more females left in our family, so the curse should be over...that is, until I have a baby girl!

When you're alone
And life is making you lonely,
You can always go downtown
When you've got worries,
All the noise and the hurry
Seems to help, I know, downtown


Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city
Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty
How can you lose?


The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and go
Downtown, things'll be great when you're
Downtown, no finer place for sure
Downtown, everything's waiting for you

Last Saturday we went to a party at a condo downtown. One of Dave's attendings had a pretty sweet place, a couple blocks away from Michigan Avenue. We had a good time, and we brought Benjamin, who was a hit with everyone.

I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but I no longer work downtown. When I'm not traveling, I'm working at home. It was just too expensive to maintain our downtown office for the 3 or 4 people who went in on a daily basis.

Even though it's great working at home, because a lot of the time Ben's just downstairs, ready for me to play or dance with, I really miss working downtown. When we were driving home Saturday, I took the long way to the highway, a route that led us through my old downtown 'hood. We had the windows open and were blaring my old school hits ("It Takes Two", "Bust a Groove") and the city was so alive. I realized how much I missed the hustle and bustle of the city, the noises, the lights, the buildings...the city is so alive! Especially on a Saturday night, with the restaurants filled and people walking around everywhere.

I need to come back downtown sometime soon to just hang out and maybe walk around. I never really got a chance to take pictures like I wanted to before they closed down our office. The end came too soon.

So, to end this post, I'll give you a shot of the amazing view I used to have from my desk window. Right now, my view is just the busy street in front of our house, but I think I'm going to print out some of my old pictures from the office so I can pretend I'm back at my old building...

Both Dave and I have been crazy busy these last several months. I've been busy with work and Dave's been busy studying for his boards. It's been a great help to have the grandparents help out with taking care of Ben, but daily maintenance of our home has been lacking. Laundry is undone, there are crumbs and crackers on the floor, the fish tank hasn't been cleaned in recent memory.

One of the things that has been undone for a while is the light above our kitchen sink. It's been out for several weeks now. Although we have a regular kitchen light, it's still kind of dim around the sink, so I'm washing dishes in the dark.

I was hoping that Dave would change it, because it's a weird light fixture and he did it before. But he's been so busy that he hasn't had a chance. So I decided to do it myself.

It's hard to get to the light fixture, because it's above the sink. I put a chair right next to the sink and had to put my foot on the sink to balance myself to reach the light. The light is actually in the ceiling with a frosted glass cover over it. I tried to twist the glass cover off, but it wouldn't budge. After several minutes trying, I finally sucked it up and asked Dave how he did it. He told me that I needed to get a screwdriver to wedge the cover off the light. I grabbed a screwdriver and was able to wedge the cover loose. After some pressure and twisting, I was getting the cover off, little by little. Pieces of dust, dirt and ceiling fell on me and into the sink below. The light had this little contraption that made sure that the cover didn't fall off, so it was difficult to take off. But with some prodding I was getting it loose, as more bits and pieces of dirt fell down.

Then I realized it wasn't dirt. I looked down, into the sink to confirm my thoughts.

I screamed in horror when I realized what it was.

Carcasses.

Bug carcasses.

I guess that the bugs had gotten curious about the light, crawled up into the light fixture and died. There was a little mass grave up there, as could be seen by all the bodies in my sink.

Dave came down to ask me what was happening, and I cried, "Bugs! There's bugs up here!"

"Are they alive?"

"No, it's just bodies, dead bodies, but I thought it was dirt. They were falling ON ME and I didn't even know!"

He shook his head and walked back upstairs.

I knew I was close to changing the bulb, just an inch or two before I could stick my hand in to remove the bulb. I resisted the need to put on a full body hazmat suit. However, I couldn't stop myself from looking down at the various bug bodies in the sink. I reached in and unscrewed the bulb, took it out, and then tried putting in the new bulb. Because of the angle that my hand was in there (I hadn't completely removed the cover) it was hard for me to screw in the new bulb. My head was filled with visions of the relatives of those dead bugs swarming up onto my hands to get revenge for disturbing the little bug graveyard. Finally, I got the lightbulb screwed in.

I sighed and felt proud of my achivement.

But next time, I'm going to make Dave change it. Either that, or get my dad to do it!

Today, I turn 32.

Isn't that crazy?

I remember in years past, I'd always make a big deal of my birthday, hinting to people months before the day actually came. I would keep an internal countdown calendar to the big day. I would make sure that something big was planned, some party at a club, a dinner out with friends, or a shindig at my place.

This year, not so much. My birthday has pretty much crept up on me. I really haven't had the time to think about my birthday. With work and Ben in my life, I don't have much time to think of anything else. I'm living day to day now, with no time to think about things like birthdays. Even now, I really don't want to make a big deal of it. Today I'm just going to hang out with Dave and Ben, go to Ben's cousin's birthday party (a carnival at the park!), and just chill out at home. I never thought I'd say this, but this birthday is just another birthday. I've got so much more to think about!

This is the first year that I've actually felt like an adult. I guess with the responsibility of taking care of another human being, you tend to feel older and more mature. I'm at a completedly different place in my life than I was last year, professionally and personally. But I can honestly say that I'm happy with my life. I have a steady job, but more importantly, a husband who loves me and puts up with all my crap, and an adorable baby boy who I can't live without.

Of course, I can't help but reflect on my life as a turn another year older. To date, I've led a good one. I love to reminisce about "the good ol' days", referring to crazy days in college or in highschool. After watching the Lost episode where Charlie goes over the most important moments in his life, I started wondering what my top 5 (or top 10, because how could I just narrow it to 5?) list would be. My horrible memory doesn't really help the matter, so the list really focuses on the last decade or so, but here's a couple that I've come up with so far:

1) Ben's Birth, of course...the most memorable, emotional, crazy, surreal moment I have in my life
2) The day I got married - I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. The sun was shining, we were surrounded by friends and family, we had a kick ass time in the limo, and although everything didn't run perfectly, it felt like it did.
3) The first time I saw Dave - I thought to myself, "What a hottie!" yet, since my friend had a crush on him, only saw him as a hot peice of meat, not as someone I would eventually have a relationship with. Was I wrong!"
4) Sister trip to Florida - Our one and only sister vacation in Orlando. The most memorable moment? Driving on highway 4 in a red Mustang convertible next to some military trucks. We were like Thelma and Louise and some other chick.
5) The last time my mother laughed at me - I was living in California, but had come home to visit my mother in the hospital. I had lost a lot of weight because my client had a sushi restaurant, and I was doing a butt dance for my mom to show her how much smaller it was. She was laughing and shaking her head in that "I can't believe that I gave birth to this fool".
6) Waking up in our new house - it's incredible to wake up and walk around your very own house. You feel so proud of your place and that this place belongs to you.
7) Senior year of college - although my whole college experience would be part of this list, if I had to pick out a year, it would be my senior year. It was full of ups and downs, but it was an awesome time.
8) My Orlando trip with my girls - the first time we were all in Orlando together...pretty interesting times!

....those are all the BIG moments that I can think of right now, but there were a lot of moments that I've had that I consider memorable, but didn't make the list, like...

- When I was on a flight to LA with one of my favorite comic book artists, and although he was in the front of the plane and I was in the back, he actually waited for me to get off the plane so we could talk about stuff. For that, I'll love him forever no matter what happens!

- The wild and wacky trip that is known as "Christine Goes to Salt Lake City" - drama, alcohol, laughter and men in skinsuits and interviews in the hallway...who could ask for more?

- Watching Claudine get married

- Playing air hockey and watching donuts being made at Krispy Kreme with my favorite Olympian

- The first time I performed on stage, acting out a script that I wrote

- Family parties, playing the most inappropriate game ever - "Thrill Kill", all night and screaming like banshees while doing it

- Telling Dave I was pregnant

- The first time Benjamin walked

- Getting a perfect score in a solo contest in 4th grade, I had to play my clarinet in front of a huge audience and I nailed it.

- Dancing with Wesley Snipes at a club

There's a ton others, stuck in my memory somewhere, but these are the ones that come up in my mind when I think of when I look back at my life. These memories, and so much more, make me content with my life. If I were to die tomorrow, I would be OK with it, I wouldn't wail about there being so much more that I have to do. I am happy with the life I've led, the good and the bad. I know that whatever life has in store for me, nothing can change what's happened in the first 32 years.

So, yeah. I'm old!

Last week, I went bowling when I was in Canada. We went to this hole in the wall bowling alley, but we had a lot of fun. The bowling shoes, however, were pretty crappy. I think they were about 20 years old. The first time I went to throw the ball, my ankle felt weird, it kinda popped a little.

Ever since then, I've had intermittent pains in my ankle. It hasn't been swollen and the pain isn't constant, it's just every now and then, I'll feel a sharp pain and the feeling that something just isn't right with my ankle.

The instances have been happening more and more often since last week, so I decided to get it checked out. I went to the hospital to get an x-ray on my ankle, and it was just the weirdest experience. I'm lying on this table in this big room, with the x-ray machine above me. The technician then takes my ankle, puts it in this weird-ass position, and says, "can you rotate it to the left a little bit? Now move your toes up...ok, that's it. Let's hold it there..." I felt like I was taking school pictures! He took several shots, two different angles of my ankle, and then I had to lie on my side for the last one. Each time I felt like my body was contorted along with whatever crazy angle my foot was in. If I was actually in a lot of pain, taking the x-rays would have been pretty painful.

I find out the results today, though I'm going to be in Milwaukee so I won't really be able to do anything about it until tomorrow...wish me luck (and don't say "break a leg!")

Wednesday morning, I got up bright and early in my crappy hotel to try and catch the first flight out of Toronto. After being chased around by a massive roach/beetle, I packed my stuff back up and headed to the airport.

At the check-in, I was told that there was an earlier flight (though not the early one I wanted, which was full), which the guy on the phone I talked to the day before didn't tell me about. I took it, since it got me into Chicago earlier, actually coinciding with the time that my other coworker would be getting into O'Hare. I knew that I had to go straight to Milwaukee once getting to the airport, but I was hoping to see Ben before heading out there. However, by taking the earlier flight I could just ride along with my coworkers to Milwaukee and get there earlier. I was supposed to be in Milwaukee at 7am, but with the whole weather debacle and my flight being cancelled, the earliest I would get to Milwaukee was 11:30am.

Then I had to go through U.S. customs again, answering the same questions about my reasons for coming to Canada. This time the border agent gave me a hard time about my passport - it still has my maiden name. I explained that my driver's license has both names, and he then told me that anyone could get a driver's license, that it really wasn't an official document. Flashes of being thrown into an underground dungeon once again flashed before my eyes. Fortunately, he stopped being a tool and let me through.

I know I say this all the time, but I love flying into Chicago. My heart just dances on the plane, seeing my hometown from above, knowing that I'm home. It was especially nice this time around since we were flying from the north. Usually I'm coming from the east or the west, where I'd see all the little homes of the city. Coming in from the north I got to see the nice big homes and the lakes and golf courses of the affluent northern suburbs. The flight in was a little bittersweet, though, because I knew that even though I was flying into my hometown, I wouldn't actually be going home.

We landed and I hooked up with my coworker and we got my bag (which had actually come on the early flight which I was stand-by on and had to be freed from a cage.) Our project manager then picked us up and we headed out to Milwaukee.

It's always a difficult situation when you're coming onto a client site late. Luckily, we've been working with this client for a while and they were understanding.

This was the first time that our whole team was together onsite. Later that night several of us just hung out in the hotel talking about the project. It was nice to hang out together and talk face to face, rather than on IM or e-mail.

I finally got home yesterday...and I missed my little baby boy so much. I hugged him and squeezed him until he couldn't take it anymore. I had thought that now that he's older, now that he's walking and everything, that trips away would get easier, but in some ways, it's worse. I miss his personality and crazy little antics. Fortunately, I'll be home most of next week, so I'll get to hang out with him every day.

It's good to be home!

I was supposed to go home tonight, but due to a mass of thunderstorms that shut down the Toronto airport (and caused a lot of delays at O'Hare as well) I am still here in Canada. I had to go through US customs to board the plane, which was an earlier flight that the one I was scheduled for. But after about 3 hours on the plane, we realized we weren't going to go anywhere.

I'm pretty bummed. Tomorrow (today) I have to be at my Milwaukee client to do a 7am demo, and the a full 2 day workshop. Also, I was going to spend my night hanging out with Benjamin, who I miss terribly right now. Alas, that wasn't the plan for me - i was left to simmer in a too hot airplane with a bunch of grouchy passengers, and having to go back through Canadian customs once they finally cancelled the flight I was on because the pilot was over his work hours.

I then waited 45 minutes for my luggage, which was pretty wet when i got it. I waddled over to the airport Sheraton, praying that they had rooms open but seeing all the people around me who had the some thing in mind, knew that it wasn't going to happen. I then called the hotel I stayed at yesterday, but they had no rooms. I got in touch with 5 other hotels, all packed with people. Finally I got a hold of an inn near the airport that had 2 rooms left - one non-smoking room. I waited another half hour for the shuttle to pick me up.

My inn/hotel is a little shady, though the guy at the front desk was a really nice guy. The floors here are stained, there's a musty, almost-urine smell in the hallways and the bedcovers look like something out of the 1970's. But hey, it's a place to put my head down and I'm thankful that I even found a place, sparing me from sleeping at the airport. Also, there's wireless internet, which is always a great thing for a hotel to have!

So tomorrow, I'm probably going to go directly to Milwaukee without stopping at home first. I'll already be late for my workshop, so I don't have time to stop at my place. I won't be home until Thursday night. *sigh* Things like this are always stressing to me.

I miss my baby!

...driving home on a cool spring night, with my windows open blasting "Shake Your Groove Thing", listening to my son babble in the back seat, with green lights all the way home.

It's little moments like that which make all the stress and uncertainty of the rest of my life just melt away...

My Seattle trip last week was pretty exhausting. As much as I loved learning new things about the company and seeing coworkers I haven't seen in a while, by the end of the week I was totally missing my little boogerman.

I took the redeye back home, and as soon as I buckled my seatbelt I was out like a light, not to wake up until 4 1/2 hours later when we landed in Chicago. I got in at around 6am, and since Dave was working, his father picked me up and took him to their place, where Ben was sleeping. Ben looked like he'd grown a foot since I left him! I plopped down on the bed next to him and passed out, without even changing out of my clothes. I was in and out of sleep for the rest of the morning, and Ben woke up and looked at me like, "Where the hell have you been, Mommy?" and jumped on me and played with my face. I played a bit with him, but then fell back asleep. I woke up again at noon, and heard Ben downstairs playing. I got up and then realized that I hadn't switched my watch, and that it was actually was 2 in the afternoon. I'm a slacker! That week really took a lot out of me!

So for the rest of the day, I just vegged out and watched Ben. I just marveled at how much he's grown and that he's a little boy now. I couldn't help but pick him up occasionally and hug him and cover him with little kisses. It's hard to be away from him for so long!

So here's a pic of him from a couple weeks ago, the first time he's walked on his own in our backyard. He wasn't too fond of the squooshy, uneven feeling of the grass!

The craziest thing happened today (well, yesterday) to me. I got an award!

We had an awards dinner for our big meeting, and awards were being given out to people for various things. The people who I knew that got awards definitely deserved them. One woman always takes the time to answer people's questions when they send out a mass email to everyone. One guy has been the expert on one of our products and has done a lot of work, helping people out. It was great to see my coworkers get recognized for all the hard work that they've done.

For every award, the presenter gave a little speech, talking about the work that has been done and sometimes offering a little tidbit here and there - she's a poet, this guy travels all the time. Then a presenter came up, talking about the next award winner's childhood heroes...and they mentioned Ralph Macchio, and how she watched it a hundred times. I laughed, because I loved Ralph as a kid, too. Then they mentioned Scott Baio. Then Michael J. Fox. I started seeing a trend - the list had sounded familiar to me. Wonder Woman was then mentioned. The clincher was when the mentiond the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. That's when I knew it was me.

That wasn't possible, though. All the people who got awards before me DID stuff. They worked their asses off and they knew their stuff. True, I work a lot, but I really don't feel like it's worthy of getting award. There were so many people I work with who are more deserving than I for an award...it couldn't be me.

They went on to talk about how the awardee had trained a lot of clients, done work in Crystal Reports, worked on other projects. Then they called out my name. It was all a bit surreal. I only slightly remember going up there, hearing some cheers from the crowd from my old Company X and X-Systems peeps. I shook hands with people up in front, mumbled thanks, and really concentrated on getting back to my seat without swaying. Then again - the whole swaying thing had nothing to do with the award, it was more because I had a couple drinks and was a little tipsy.

Anyway, I'm still in complete awe that I got this thing. Me? Why me? I feel in some ways like I don't deserve it. I know so many people on my team who work just as hard as I do, if not harder. I wish we all got awards. I wish they all got the recognition that they deserve. As much as I am humbled and honored by getting the award (this pretty glass block with a globe inside and my name engraved on it) I am always uneasy when picked out of the pack like this. As much as I like getting the spotlight in some circumstances, I'm always uneasy when awarded or complimented in front of the team. I'm not really sure why. Nonetheless, I'm not giving back my cool little block!

So I got back to my seat in a daze. I then started to wonder, where the hell did they come up with tha list? Did I fill out some form during a workshop or ice breaker where we had to list our childhood heroes? Because I always mentioned Wonder Woman and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Then I realized where I remember that list from. It was from a post I made a couple weeks ago. I went into a bit of panic mode, because it always freaks me out a little bit when I think about someone from work might stumble upon my page. Luckily, I don't really speak ill of clients or say the name of my company, so I think I'm safe. Sure, I complain about work at times, but doesn't everyone?

I talked to my manager later that night, and he had mentioned that he was wondering if there was anyone famous that might share my name, so he googled me (ohh, that sounds so naughty). Of course, this site pops up, and he found my little Hero list which they used for the awards. A little freaky, but not too bad.

I'm having a good time here. As I said before, it's great to hang out with co-workers. I really love most of the people I work with...they're a good bunch!

So I'll stop babbling, and get some sleep.

I'll leave you with a picture of my soap. Why? Because it's cool....and it smells good.

You're probably living under a rock if you haven't heard about the shootings at Virginia Tech earlier this week. Every station you're on mentions it. The other day, the face of the shooter talked to me from my television all day, even when I drove in my car they played his audio.

It's all a little bit crazy. I admit to being glued to my television the day it happened, and the day after when they had identified who the killer was. I've thought a lot about the debates on what happened, how it could have been prevented, who did what wrong. I've got my opinions on things, like how the campus police did as much as they could, that parents shouldn't freak out about sending their kids away to school because this could happen anywhere, and that people are crazy if they think that this could have been prevented if students were allowed to bring guns on campus.

However, I'm tired of it. I want VT to go on and take time to heal amongst themselves. I was watching the Today Show the day after, and they had a VT student that was also a student at Columbine the day the shootings happened. She was shy and quiet and when Meredith Viera asked her about the media involvement, she said that having the media around made it very hard to come as a community to heal. Every time they would gather or have some sort of memorial, there would be cameras there.

I understand the media's need to bring news to the general public, but I feel at times it becomes an exploitation of people's pain for ratings.

Today I was watching the news and the anchor said that Cho Seung-Hui's parents feared for their lives. The video feed then showed a house, and the ancor went on, "This is where his parents live, in in Virginia." Come on now, his parents are already getting death threats, why are you going to show their house and tell everyone what suburb they live in?

Ack, times like this I'm glad for the brainless entertaininment that is American Idol.

I have to admit that I've been watching American Idol this season, more because I have some virtual bets placed on the contestants than for entertainment. Well, Benjamin likes to dance to the music, too.

Anyway, Sanjaya, the biggest name to come out of AI in a long time, got voted off yesterday. I was pretty surprised, because I was figuring him for a top 4, not because of his talent, but because of the people voting him in. At first I think it was the work of votefortheworse.com that was keeping him on, but as time wore on, I think that more people started voting for him because they thought it was funny to have him stay in the competition.

Admittedly, the kid's talented. He's a good singer, but not at the levels that the current contestants are at.

And now...he's gone. I admit, I feel for the li'l guy. He wasn't a villain, he wasn't horrible, and he seems like he was a sweet, hardworking guy. Poor thing hugged Lakisha for hours after it was announced that he was leaving, and cried as they showed his "We're booting you cuz you suck" montage onscreen.

Bye bye, my little Sanjaya Papaya.

Now the REAL competition starts!

My poor poor blog, left alone and near-empty as a result of my super hectic life.

I remember the days when I would post in this thing pretty much every day, sometimes even two, three times a day. But life was simpler back then, my work life was way different than it is now.

Lately I have been in non-stop motion - handling things for work, traveling up to Milwaukee, getting things prepared for Ben's birthday party, trying to make sure that things are still working at home with me MIA on my work projects.

So here's the things on my plate right now:

1) Getting some documentation out to my clients
2) Planning and preparing for Ben's birthday party. Luckily, my dad and father in law were awesome enough to come over to the house and clean
3) Pay bills
4) Reinstall my computer (I had to wipe it out after that whole virus crap a couple weeks ago)
5) Lose weight (which I have - lost 7lbs since starting this project, more because I've been forgetting to eat)
6) and last, but certainly not least, spend some quality time with Ben

My days usually start at around 8 in the morning, unless I'm going to Milwaukee, then it's out the door at 6. Once I get home, then I make sure to spend time with Ben, who I hang out with until around 9:30. Once he sleeps, then it's back to work. Most of the time, I get around three or four hours of sleep. I'm running on fumes right now!

Even though I'm nearing the point of exhaustion, I'm happy I'm working with this client. They're a good group of people, and I'm getting a lot of much needed experience.

But I'm tired.

So tired!

Driving back and forth to Milwaukee can get pretty boring. Usually in the morning I listen to a local radio show, but once I get over that Wisconsin border, I've got to start channel hopping. As much as I complain about the drive, I do enjoy it in a way. It gives me time to myself, time when I can't be working or I don't have to worry about if I'm spending enough time with Ben or worry about watching over him. It gives me a chance to think about my life, where I'm at, to digest everything that's currently happening to me. There are a lot of thoughts that go through my mind, especially when there's traffic or those close calls when people do stupid things on the road that keep me on my toes. There are also some other times when I'm just so tired driving that I'm slapping myself in the face to keep awake. Times like that I think about one of my favorite driving CD's, the Barenaked Ladies' Maroon. My favorite track on the CD is called "Tonight is the Night I Fell Asleep at the Wheel". It's a pretty morbid song, especially when you're driving, but I like the notion behind it.

Tonight is The Night I Fell Asleep at The Wheel

Driving home to be with you
The highways dividing, the citys in view
As usual, Im almost on time
Youre the last thing thats on my mind
I wish I could tell you the way that I feel
But tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

No commotion, no screaming brakes
Most of its over before I awake
From the ceiling, my coffee cup drips
While out my window, the horizon does flips
The worst part was hitting the ground -
Not the feeling so much as the sound
Cant help but wonder if all this is real
Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

Rubberneck traffic and passersby
And slow motion walter the fire engine guy
Stand around with their mouths open wide
I heard some idiot ask if someones inside
With the jaws of life they tried and they tried
Nobody here can know how I feel
Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

I guess its over now
Cause Ive never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
I guess its over now
Cause Ive never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
So much blood

In all the confusion, theres something serene
Im just a posthumous part of the scene
Now Im floating above looking in
As the radio blares and wheels spin
I can see my face slump with a grin
And you...youre the last thing on my mind
Youre the last thing on my mind
Youre the last thing on my mind
Youre the last thing on my mind

I love the song because the first time I heard it, I laughed when he first says, "As usual I'm almost on time, you're the last thing that's on my mind..." I had thought that the singer had so many other thoughts in his head that his love was the last thing on his mind. But the lyrics were literal - his love was the very last thing on his mind before he died. Morbid, but beautiful at the same time...

OK, it's time for me to get some sleep...I've gotta drive to Milwaukee tomorrow!

Just when I was going to complain about work more, I get a call from my manager about my yearly review that just got approved.

Turns out I'm getting a raise.

Enough of a raise that I gasped, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!" to my manager after he gave me what I'd be making.

I guess I was a good little girl this year and got some good marks on my review based on all the coworkers I've bribed to put in a good word for me should my manager ever ask for their input. That, and I suspect that I was making much lower than the people who are currently doing what I'm doing at X-Inc, so not only did I get a raise, but I got an adjustment on my salary. Which means that its a significan payraise for me.

So for now, I am happy. Tired, overworked, and stressed....but happy nonetheless.

What makes this all better? Tomorrow is a new episode of Lost...which has been pretty kickass over the last several weeks!

Even better than that?

Tomorrow I go home and get to hug Benjers! Yay!

Still working like a madwoman...but here's a couple quickies to keep you busy while I'm working for "The Man".

Speed Racer
I had asked my client in Milwaukee if the cops in Wisconsin were tougher on Illinois people than Wisconsinites. I had heard a rumor that the cops up north target IL license plates. She told me that it wasn't true, but that people from Chicago tended to speed more than people in Wisconsin. I checked it out and it was true - more cars with Illinois plates were speedier than Wisconsin cars. I guess that's because we've got that "10 over the speed limit is ok" rule.

So I try to keep my speed in check, but sometimes I fall into my old ways.

Today, as I was driving to Milwaukee, I saw the cars in front of me brake, and I realized, too late, why. There was a state trooper in the median, ready to pick his prey. I did a speed check, and before I softly applied my brakes I was doing about 12 over the speed limit. As I passed to cop I looked in my rearview to see the car pulling out from the median. I started chanting to myself, "please, not me, please, not me", but since I was the last car in my little batch, I knew that I wasn't going to be lucky. The cop came up behind me, and I waited for him to start flashing his lights. Nothing. Then he pulled up next to me, and I maintained an even 65mph the whole time. I looked at the cop car to see if he was motioning for me to pull over, but nothing. He stayed right next to me for about two miles, then exited the highway.

It was a little bizarre, but at least I didn't get pulled over!

Heatwave
At my client site today, they didn't have the air on. The conference room we were in was sweltering, we were all complaining about the heat (it was 78 in Milwaukee today). I was talking to one of the women I was working with and told her I was tempted to take off my sweater and just wear my sleeveless shirt underneath. She said it wouldn't be a big deal and that I should since it was so hot in the room and my sweater was pretty thick. So I did, and although I felt a little self conscious with my sleeveless top, I didn't feel as warm. We ended up leaving early anyway since no one could concentrate with all the heat.

Out Sick
Looks like my home desktop has gotten a virus. I'm not sure how it got it (though I know it wasn't me since I don't surf the internet on that machine) but every time I go to the computer, it seems to have gotten worse and worse. I've run through several programs to fix the problem, but I may have to suck it up and bring it in to get repaired. For some reason, this really pisses me off. It makes me angry that there are people out there trying to create these things to screw people over, and it makes me angry to know that someone actually get this virus on my machine. Fortunately, I was able to make a backup of Ben's good baby pictures before the situation got too bad!

Yesterday, I had wanted to bring Ben to the Zoo, since I knew that it would be in the 50's. I wanted to have some quality time with my little guy, since I've been away from home so much. It was cloudy yesterday, and the weather said that it was likely that there'd be thunderstorms. We ended up going to Dave's parent's house because they had guests from out of town over.

Today I woke up and saw the weather report, and they had mentioned that it was going to be a beautiful morning and afternoon, in the lower 70's and we had a chance to break the record temperature for the day. I wasn't planning on going to the zoo today, since I'm a bit behind on some work and I didn't really do anything yesterday. But the weather was too good to pass up. So we decided to head out to the zoo today to enjoy the beautiful weather. It's still early in the season, so I knew that there wouldn't be a lot of people there.

I guess I'm not the only one who thought it would be a perfect day to go to the zoo. When we got there, there was a line of cars trying to get into the parking lot, and there were people everywhere! Luckily, I've got a membership, so we didn't have to pay for parking.

The day was gorgeous. There was a cool breeze blowing and the sun was nice and warm. This was Ben's second time at the zoo (though I was there several times when I was preggo) and he had a much better time this time around. When he spotted the animals moving around, he liked to shout at them and point. He really enjoyed the meerkats in their little den. I think he loved the polar bear the most, since he was pretty active today, pacing around his grotto. Ben shouted and growled at him and tried to climb over the fence to get to him. It was pretty cute.

After about 3 hours, though, he had his fill of the zoo and started getting antsy, so we headed home. There was still a long line to get into the zoo as we were heading out, so we were happy we came early.

I'm thinking of getting Ben a little book going over different animals, so we can prepare a little better for the next time!

So tired. I'm in Milwaukee right now, driving home every other day this week. I haven't been getting much sleep lately, and I've got this weird throat cold going on. I've been pretty crabby over the last week or so and find myself getting angry over little things, which is very out of character since I rarely get angry.

There are some internal things going on at work which I try not to affect my client work or stress me out too much, but I've found myself drifting off into thought several times.

It helps that I have an awesome manager to talk to (that makes two awesome managers in a row!).

It also helps that I've got someone on my team who I trust and can confide in, who understands what I'm going through.

Of course, what helps the most is knowing that tomorrow I'll be going home to the best baby EVER (oh, and that Husband guy, too).

Last week, I was trudging through the snow in Milwaukee. Today, I was standing in a t-shirt and jeans on my driveway walking Ben around. Can you believe it was 74 degrees in Chicago yesterday? Times like this I really miss working downtown. On a day like yesterday, everyone is out, basking in the warmth, and it feels like summertime. We emerge from our work-caves, like little bears after a long winter hibernation, wiping the sleep from our eyes and welcoming spring by strolling down Michigan avenue and stretching that lunch break by another 15 minutes.

Luckily, I'll be in the city tomorrow, for the first time in a while, eating at my favorite restaurant. I really need the break (even though it's work related). It's been a pretty stressing last couple weeks and it will be nice to sit and relax, even if it's with coworkers I've never met before!

We came home yesterday night after a long day at the Eagle airport. We were supposed to come home today, but there was some pretty bad weather going through Colorado and we wanted to get out before it got too bad. Since we were on standby tickets, if flights got cancelled then it would be hard for us to get on a plane since passengers would be moved onto later planes.

It was a zoo at Eagle, with people all over the place waiting for their planes, which were in holding patterns above the airport until they got the OK to land. We were on standby for the noon flight, but didn't end up leaving until four. Luckily, we got on first class.

By the time we got home, Ben was already sleeping. I wanted to wake him up and hug him and squeeze him til he popped. While we were gone he picked up a nasty little cold, so he woke up several times during the night hacking and coughing. This morning he woke up and he was so excited to see us. We spent the morning playing with him in bed, jumping around, laughing and tickling his skinny little belly. I had missed him so much while I was gone! I was away most of last week and for the first part of this week, and I'll be gone again next week. I'm going to get in as much quality time as I can!

So as much fun as I had during the vacation, I still missed my little booger!

Since I had a car when I was in Milwaukee, I felt it my duty to offer to drive my other coworkers around (it's nice to have other people to hang out with when you're out of town!). Our client site was several miles away, but not a difficult drive, unless you're counting the crazy drivers and pedestrians in downtown Milwaukee.

I love driving, it's a great way for me to relax and chill out. But I'm horrible when it comes to driving people around. I'm super cautious, but at times nervous and once in a while I make a bad decision (though nothing resulting in an accident *knockonwood*). So many jokes were made about my bad driving, all in fun, of course, but near the end of the week I could tell that my coworker was getting a tad bit nervous as well.

There's just something about having someone else in the car, someone who's life is in my hands, who is watching, judging, observing, whatever...it's like when you're logging into email or a network and someone is watching over your shoulder. Because of that extra set of eyes, you make a mistake on the password, a password you've typed a million times before with no problem.

Adding onto that was not being familiar with my surroundings, as well as all the construction that was happening in Milwaukee. That, and I like to talk. Sometimes it's not easy to talk and drive at the same time, though I really have no problem doing it when it's on the phone.

Weird thing is, I have no problem driving when Ben's in the car, or when it's Dave or my sisters. Maybe with them I'm comfortable enough or they're used to my driving style. They never have any issues with my driving! Well, except for getting lost all the time, which I always end up doing. But we always end up finding our way home, that's what matters, right?

So I AM a good driver, really!

Lately I've been so busy with life and work that I haven't even realized that it's been forever since I've logged onto AIM, YIM or MSN. We're supposed to log onto MSN for work, but I always forget.

So yesterday, since I was bored (not really bored since I had tons to do) in my hotel room in Milwaukee, I decided to log on to see who was on.

I caught a couple old friends (and old friends caught me), as well as my new coworker who's working on this project. It was fun to navigate through different chat windows, having different conversations all over my computer screen, catching up with the lives of people I haven't heard from in forever. I really miss those long chat sessions, talking about stupid things, talking about how life can be so crazy or gossiping about others.

I realized yesterday that I rarely use "LOL" to describe when I'm laughing. Someone used it when I was chatting with them, and I made fun of them. Yeah, LOL means you're laughing out loud, I get it, but I think my "haha" is a much better representative of how much I appreciate your humor. Really, I only use a couple short terms, like OMG, BRB and WTF. Usually, though, i like typing everything out.

So I'll probably be online again tonight...I was going to drive back to Chicago tonight and come back to Milwaukee tomorrow, but I didn't get much sleep and I had a REALLY long day, so I'm just going to stay here in Milwaukee and pray that I finish up early tomorrow so I can drive home and hug Benjamin!

Lately I've been having a lot of disturbing dreams. I wouldn't call them nightmares, but they're pretty close to being that. It could be that I'm stressed out, too busy, or having realy had a lot of time to think about life - so my subconscious is going haywire trying to sort it out while I'm asleep.

Over the last couple weeks I've had some dreams that have left me feeling weird and creepy for the rest of the day, like:

- I'm sleeping in my room, I hear a noise...someone's in my room. I'm afraid to open my eyes, I hear them shuffling around. I pick up the courage to open my eyes and it's Dave. He says he came home from work early. However, something still doesn't feel right. He lays down to go to bed. I close my eyes. I open them again. He's gone. It's just a dream.

- I dreamt that my cousin killed several of my other cousins, but was trying to hide it. It was a brutal murder and I confronted my cousin who denied it at first, but when I presented evidence my cousin reveals that it was an action that couldn't be prevented.

- I had a dream that for some reason, Macaulay Culkin wants to kill me. I spend most of my dream on the run and trying to hide from him, but he always manages to find me.

That's only a sampling of the ones that I remember. A lot of the time I wake up knowing I had a bad dream, but not remembering. However, I spend the rest of the day feeling uneasy.

Hopefully, going on vacation next week will give me some time to decompress and start having fun dreams again.

Who can guess where the title of the post comes from?

I've been so busy with work this week, I haven't really had time to write. I've also been really tired, but that's also because Ben's sleeping schedule has been pretty crazy lately.

Anyway, today I was on the bus going to work (I'm working in the city today) and I was napping because I only had 2 hours of sleep last night since I was working on a project. All of the sudden I hear a loud couple thumps outside the bus and a yell. Everyone on the bus gasped. It occurred right outside my window so I was jolted awake. I thought someone got run over. I looked out the window and there was a man screaming at the bus. I guess the guy was trying to cross the street and the bus cut him off and he wasn't too happy. People always try to beat the bus when walking across the street, even when it's against a light. In some ways, I'm kind of happy I don't work downtown all the time! Pedestrians can be crazy!

I love having parties, but I just really suck at planning them and getting ready for them.

But Ben's first birthday is coming up (he turns 10 months tomorrow!) and I really need to start planning on what we're going to do. I know I want to keep it small this time around, only inviting close family and friends with kids around Ben's age - his baptism was the last time I have to have a big party. It was too stressing for me, and to tell the truth, I just don't have time to do it.

I was originally going to have it at a local park district room, but after thinking about it a little more, it might be easier for everyone that it's at our place. He'll be more familiar with home which will make him more outgoing, if he's sleepy (or any of his friends are sleepy) he can take a nap in his own room, I can be assured there will be a changing table handy, and the Dads will have Dave's 100in screen to watch. He's only a year old anyway, he's not really going to remember it or really be able to do anything interactive like playing at Chuck E Cheese. Well, he'll be able to play there, but his attention span won't last too long.

So I'm looking for ideas...what to eat, what kind of theme, what kind of games to play, what to watch out for...I know some of you are parents and some of you who aren't have gone to kiddie parties before, so I'm open to any suggestions you have.

My #1 New Year's resolution last year was to lose at least 20lbs of the baby weight that I still have left over. I was pretty good for the first week of the year, but having to take care of the baby and working at night when the baby sleeps has left me little time to work out. Add to that the fact that I have no self control when it comes to late night snacks and food that tastes good. Also, whenever I travel it's hard for me to just get a salad when there's a whole menu of foods I've never tried before.

But I still want to work on it. What I plan to do (which probably won't happen, but putting it in here will give it a higher chance of happening) is wake up a little earlier for work when I'm working at home, and go on the elliptical for at least 15 minutes, for my "commute" to work. When I'm done, another 15 minutes for my "commute" home.

I guess another reason this is so hard for me to do (which is a reason why weight loss is a problem for a lot of other people) is that I never had a problem with my weight growing up. I was a thin little thing and never had to worry about what I ate, so I pretty much ate whatever I wanted. In college I was still pretty slim, and walking to and from class, as well as demanding fashion show practices (not as glamorous as it sounds, trust me) and football practices kept me moving. Really, the only time I started gaining weight was about 2-3 years out of college, which was when my metabolism probably started slowing down and my eating habits started to catch up with me. When I got married I was the heaviest I had been at any time before that. That's when I learned that stress makes me eat.

So I've learned bad food habits, and never found that high people get when they work out. I just find it to be boring.

But I've got to get over that if I ever want to fit into my old clothes. I'm tired of having nothing to wear or having to go out and buy clothes for special occasions because I have nothing that looks flattering on me.

We'll see what happens. I'll keep you posted!

We took Ben on his first roadtrip last weekend. Dave had a conference to go to in Michigan, so we decided to make a trip of it and visit my sister who currently lives there in wedded bliss with Redpac. It's about a 5 hour drive, but it ended up being a lot longer with that since we took breaks for Benjamin. We had stopped by a rest area on our way there, but to my surprise, there were no changing tables in the bathroom! I ended up having to change Ben in the car, and he was NOT happy about it!

We got to Michigan safe and sound, and we had a great time there. Here's a couple pictures as well as a run through of our weekend:

Biscuits and Gravy, at the Chocolate Gallery Cafe. This is one of the best I've ever had - not too salty, not too lumpy, not too spice. It was awesome!

This was my breakfast on the second day. Banana croissant french toast. Croissants dipped in french toast batter, cooked, covered with bananas and banana sauce. I'm drooling just thinking about it!

The Gumbo Ya Ya at Fishbone's. Not too spicy, with just enough kick to make me take a sip of water after eating.

Fishbones: Cajun food and Sushi. It seems weird to make together, but actually works out really well!

My Rainbow Roll at Fishbone's, with my unagi peeking behind it. DEEEE-LICIOUS!

Ben checks out Claudine's schedule. He had an AWESOME time at Claudine and Dan's because they had so much stuff for him to touch, from coasters to mp3 players to pennies to tape measures. He had his hand on them all. It was like sensory overload!

The big Uniroyal wheel on I-75 (or I-94, I'm not sure). We passed it on our way home. Several hours after this, we ran into an awful snowstorm in Indiana. Of course, it was during my driving shift and I was ultra alert as I was driving because I couldn't see the car right in front of me. It was pretty scary! But we got through it, and Ben pretty much slept through the whole thing.

All in all, a great weekend, except for the snowstorm thing. Claudine and Dan were wonderful hosts, taking us to some yummy places to eat! Thanks guys!

Christmas comes a little late for me, but I took my horde of Best Buy giftcards and bought myself a new lens for "The Camera That I Can't Afford". I've been doing a lot of research and there's a great deal for an awesome lens that pretty much every D50 owner that has it raves about. It's the 50mm f/1.8D AF Nikkor lens, and for a while that meant nothing to me but I now know that it's a pretty fast lens that can take good pictures, even when the lighting isn't that great - which is the problen I have when taking pics in my house, since I have to rely on our indoor lighting which isn't that great.

So I played around with it and it's AWESOME! My only complaint is that sometimes it's slow to autofocus and that when it does the autofocus it's a little loud, but other than that, I've come up with some great pictures! It's really given me some inspiration and drive to go out and take non-Ben pictures again. So here's some samples for you to enjoy (of course, pictures of my favorite subject!)

I got this email this morning from Jim Guest, the president of Consumer Reports, which I had subscribed to so I could check out the best and safest equipment for Benjamin.

Dear Christine E***,

By now, you've probably heard the news about my decision to withdraw the infant car seat report featured on ConsumerReports.org and in the February issue of Consumer Reports magazine. I took this action when we discovered a mistake in our side-impact crash tests.

We always strive to be accurate and fair, and I regret this error. Going forward, I want to make sure that our actions are as thorough and transparent as possible so that we preserve your trust as we continue to test, inform, and protect consumers. To that end, I'm writing you and the millions of other Consumers Union members to tell you what I know about the situation and what we're doing about it.

Here's what I know so far: One of our tests was intended to simulate how infant car seats perform in a side-impact crash at 38 mph. That's the speed at which many new vehicles are tested in side crashes by the government's auto safety agency. But upon reevaluating our data, we believe our tests simulated crashes that were much more severe than that.

Some of the questions I've heard involve our use of an outside lab to conduct the crash tests. While the vast majority of product testing by Consumers Union occurs in our own labs, we sometimes use outside contractors that have special test equipment or other expertise that we don't. This enables us to inform you about the safety, reliability, and performance of important products that we couldn't otherwise test.

That said, we expect all our testing to meet the same high standards, and our own staff oversees all projects. The board of directors and I are appointing a panel of experts to review this incident and determine what went wrong.

We're also retesting the infant car seats featured in our article as thoroughly and quickly as possible, so that we can publish our findings and help parents who are making this important buying decision. I've directed that we suspend the article's Ratings and other recommendations regarding specific car-seat models until this retesting is completed. In any case, I again stress the importance of what we say in the article: Any child car seat is better than no seat at all.

For 71 years, the staff of Consumers Union has worked hard to earn the trust of members like you and to build the stellar reputation we have enjoyed. We test more than 3,000 products each year, and errors like this one are rare. I apologize on behalf of Consumers Union and I promise you we're working hard to ensure that such an error does not happen again.

Sincerely,

Jim Guest

I think it's great the CR sent an email to all of its subscribers, as well as made this issue public (I remember hearing a news story about it as well). The main reason I had joined was for the safety reports, and it's reassuring to know that if they screw up, they'll tell us about it. When I was reading the artical, I was expecting that the tests were not safe enough, but then I saw that the testing simulated crashes that were TOO severe. Of course, that would have given bad ratings to carseats that would have been just fine in your average crashes, but since I already went out and bought one of the carseats that they had rated in the top five, it makes me feel that much better - my seat is a super safe seat!

On a side note, for you parents out there, here's the list of product recalls. I had been wondering the other day if there was a website that has a listing of product recalls and there is.

CPSC Recall Announcements

It's a little scary when you look at the listing of what's been recalled - things that pose choking hazards, laceration hazards, lead poisoning hazards - don't they test these things before they get sold?

Name of Product: Reebok Heart-Shaped Charm Bracelets

Hazard: The recalled jewelry contains high levels of lead, posing a risk of lead poisoning and adverse health effects to young children.

Incidents/Injuries: Reebok has received a report of a death caused by lead poisoning of a 4-year-old child from Minneapolis, Minn. The child reportedly swallowed a piece from one of these bracelets.

Name of Product: Chicken Limbo Electronic Party Game

Hazard: The game’s two side poles do not fit into their bases properly making the game unstable. This can cause the game to completely fall apart if touched, hitting children playing the game as well as bystanders.

Incidents/Injuries: Milton Bradley has received 46 reports of the Chicken Limbo party game collapsing unexpectedly. This includes 23 reports of injuries including bumps, bruises, welts and red marks, four reports of cuts, one chipped tooth and one fractured foot.

Name of product: Crib Mobile Toys

Hazard: If batteries used in the mobile leak, the caustic liquid can seep out of the battery compartment, posing a risk of chemical burns to babies.

Ugh...at this rate, I'm just going to keep Benjamin in a box, with only a large sterilized plastic tupperware container for him to play with!

I'm entering a new phase in my work life, and it's scary and thrilling at the same time. I'm a person who hates changes, who resists it with every fiber of my being, which may be surprising given how often I change this blog layout. I just like the comfort of things that I know, doing my routine, living life where I feel like I have control and there's no uncertainty.

But to get ahead, I need to open myself to new things, new experiences. It's scary and as much as I want to just dip my toe in the pool of the unknown, often with work I'm forced to just jump in, flailing and hoping to stay afloat.

Of course, everything is ok, I'm doing just fine. Things were a little shaky in the beginning, but just like