Today is the fortieth day after my mother's death. In our culture, it means something - having a prayer service. As to why, I'm not really sure. The only thing I can gather is because the 40th day after Easter is the Ascension, when Jesus ascended into heaven. I went scouring around the net and found this:

The fortieth day marks the end of the soul's sojourns on earth where it visits the places and people it knew when it lived in its body and begs for prayer during this basic transition phase. During that time as well, the soul is shown heaven and hell as it prepares for the time when it will be assigned a place in the "forecourt" of one or the other until the Final Judgement when Christ will return again in glory to judge the living and the dead.

If I had known my mother was sojourning around earth all this time I would have looked out to say 'HI'.

So tonight we'll have a mass in her honor, and then go about our regular family New Year's eve party at Marlon's place.

A new year is coming, and so comes a whole new chapter in my life.

Happy New Year's Eve everyone! It's back to the LBC for me tomorrow!

Just thought I'd give you all a collection of my favorite pictures from this year. I've taken most of them, but one or two were taken by others. A new year's resolution many years ago was to take more pictures, and I think this year I've really lived up to that. My camera, "Cammie II" is always in my purse, which is actually a camera bag. And I don't care that people always make fun that I dn't have a real purse. There's just so many beautiful moments that I see that I love to share with my camera, so I need to have her around all the time.

So enjoy my pictures. I'm sure you've seen them all before, but it doesn't hurt to see them again!

Coming next year: Christine's artsy photo gallery

Hmm...this is going to be a long one....I mean, I'm going to be going over the enitre YEAR here. You may want to print this out and take it on the train home so you have something to catch your drool as you fall asleep...

So anyway, with the coming of the new year, I've been really thinking about this past year, and how much of an impact it's made on me. So much has happened in the last 12 months, good and bad.

Truthfully, this can be listed as the worst year I've ever had, from stresses at work to little dramas in my life to my mom's sickness and death. It's been hard.

But on the flip side, this has definitely been the best year of my life, from planning the wedding to moving to California, to meeting all the amazing people in my travels to getting married. It's been a blast.

So it's been one hell of a rollercoaster year emotionally from the highest high (getting married) to the lowest low (my mother's passing). I don't think I could have gotten through it if not for the help of friends and family, and in a little way, this blog. It's helped me vent out my frustrations, share my joy, and give me something to do when I feel like I'm going crazy.

So looking back, trying to sum up the past year, weighing the good and the bad, there is one word that I think sums it all up, that I found myself using often in the last few weeks. Blessed. I have been blessed this year.

...Blessed to have met and married someone like Dave. Someone I love, respect, adore, admire and who tolerates my crazy antics. I have seen a part of him that he doesn't show to the world, a silliness and a goofiness that he shares only with me. He is definitely the love of my life, and I'm so lucky to be with him, and he's lucky to have a chica like me! Oh. And he's got a hot bod, too.

...Blessed to have been brought up with the love of my mother and father. Although I lost my mother this year, I know I was lucky to have had her in my life. Not everyone grows up with both parents, and I know I was fortunate to have them both take such an active part in my life.

...Blessed to know that my mother passed knowing that I loved her. In the movies, people always have regrets because they never get that last moment to say goodbye and I love you. But my mother passed knowing that I loved her, knowing that many people loved her. And I realized before it was too late what a remarkable, strong woman she was.

...Blessed to have two sisters that I adore. I may not get along with them all the time and maybe once in a while have urges to push them out of my car as I'm driving, but I love them. I'm not as good of a big sister as I'd like to be, but they're both wonderful sisters....most of the time.

...Blessed to have a huge family that I can rely on. Ever since birth I have been enveloped in the love and support of my extended family, and although I'm not related to most of them, they are closer than blood to me. They have been there for me through everything, always there to be by my side, to make me laugh, to cry with me, to just sit around with me and do nothing.

...Blessed to have friends that are just kick ass awesome. My wedding was the best day of my life, not just for the fact that Dave is now my slave husband, but also for the fact that I got to spend the day with my best friends. We had so much fun and the day was that much more memorable because they were a part of it. I'm so lucky to have friends that are so understanding of my inability to keep in touch, reply to emails or return phone calls. Because I suck as a friend. But the friends I have are the best, because even though I suck, they still stand by me.

...Blessed to have made such wonderful new friends this year. Whether it be by people coming by this blog, or through my short track escapades or through comic books, I've met a lot of new people this year. And I would have to admit that some of these people I have grown to consider to be my closest friends. It's amazing how many incredible people I've met, and how these friendships have grown throughout the year. Too bad these suckers don't know what a sucky friend I am yet. That is the final test of my friendship!

...Blessed to have had the crazy experiences I've had this year. Aside from getting married, I had some really incredible things happen to me this year. Doing interviews in Salt Lake City with Olympians, working at the Aspen booth at the Chicago Comic convention, meeting Jim Lee, driving cross country to live in Long Beach, actually having friends to visit when I travel to different cities, going on my very first cruise, blogged for 24 hours and made lots of money, was upgraded from fan to webmistress, my first live Christmas tree, and so much more! If I stop to think about it all, I think my head would explode!

...Blessed to be employed. As much as I bitch and moan about how sucky my job is, I know there are people out there who don't have jobs. So I know that I should appreciate mine. Even though I'm grossly underpaid. And overworked. And underappreciated. And feel there is no place for advancement. And I feel my company might fold over. But hey, it's a job.

...Blessed to be loved. One of the things that I had said during my mother's eulogy was that if you give love, you'll get love in return. And as much as I could this year, I have tried to show people love, to share love, to inspire people to enjoy life and love it. And I have felt it in return. Sure, there were times that I wasn't too loving, but that's something I need to improve on. And although sometimes the love that I gave to people wasn't returned, there was never a point where I didn't feel loved. And I didn't spread love to get it back, I shared it because I love to see people happy. Making people happy gives me a little high.

So yeah, that's my review on the year. It's actually shorter than I anticipated, but then again, it's about time for me to go home from work, so you lucked out this time!!! (until I get home and post more)

2003, thank you for all the experiences. Each one has molded me to become the person I am today, good and bad.

2004, I can't wait to see you. I've got a lot of big plans for you!

Here's another ¿Yano Asks You a Question? It's a little more involved than the previous ones. Feel free to write an essay.

What was the best moment of 2003 for you?

On a side note, I'm so proud that I know how to do the upside down questionmark. How do I do this remarkable feat, you ask? Well, I hold down the Alt key and hit 0191. Poof! The upside down question mark. Learn something new every day! Amazing!

Get it? No? I know...I suck. Anyway, looks like the Bears sacked coach Dick Jauron...

Coach Dick Jauron fired by Bears

Though he didn't have the best of records, I really liked Jauron. He had a quiet intensity when coaching from the sidelines. He was a good speaker, and I felt that he was a good coach. If anyone, get rid of the offensive coordinator, John Shoop. Ech... I think we have horrible offensive plays, and I see Shoop on the sidelines, and I know he's to blame.

Poor Jauron, he had nothing really to work with in terms of quarterbacks, and he did what he could. Look at what he did with Miller years back...Miller really came out and shone when we had that 13-3 record. But with Miller gone, who did we have left? Kordell Stewart? Chris Chandler? It's not Jauron's fault that our QB's weren't up to par. He did what he could. Jauron was fired because they lost a lot of games, but considering that they played 'away' all season last season, I think he's done pretty good. The players hated playing in Champaign, they never got used to the field there. And the players respected Jauron, you could see it when they talked about him.

And now, he's gone.

In a little way, I feel like this is just General Manager Jerry Angelo's way of flexing his muscle. Jauron wasn't someone he had hired, so if he gets rid of Jauron and brings in a winning coach, then he'll look good. But that's the thing - can we have a winning coach with the team that we have right now? I dunno. It takes a while for a coach to get in sync with a team, to earn their trust, to learn each player's strengths and weaknesses. It will take time. And truthfully, I felt that Jauron could have done that, given time and if he had a better offensive coordinator to work with.

Oh well....goodbye Mr. Jauron. May you go to a team who's general manager treats you better.

I'll just steal a pic from Melanie's site of the drunkards of Saturday night...

Well, I am so exhausted right now, and I had this huge, detailed post in mind to go over what happened yesterday and today, but I'm really pooped, and I've got work tomorrow, so I'll give you a summary. Which will still probably be pretty long. *wink*

Anyway, after slacking off for most of the day yesterday, my cousins Melanie and Marian met up at my house and we headed over to hit the bars on Division. I was going to be the designated driver, but then Dan agreed to come and drive us around. Which made me a happy girl, because that meant that all of us could drink without worrying about who was driving home.

I don't usually go to the Division bars, but every once in a while it's a nice change of pace. When we got there, there wasn't much parking left, so we went further down the street and found a nice spot. I looked at the sign right next to where I had parked, and it said 'No Parking'. I told Dan about it, but then he corrected me - the fine print said 'Between 6am and 9am'. Oh. OK. And underneath it was the standard 'No Parking if there's more than two inches of snow between 3am and 7am.' Or something like that.

So we went to our first place (we were planning on hitting most of the bars there) and had a couple drinks, watched people sing karaoke, and played a couple games of pool (which my team consistently won, even though I played like crap for the first half). The main object for the night was to get my cousin Marian to meet some men. She's been single for a bit, and she just wanted to have some fun. The first place was a bit dry of any good prospects, so we headed to the place next door.

This place was definitely more lively than the first, with girls dancing on poles and a sausage fest near the bar. We stayed here for the rest of the night, drinking, dancing, and for Marian, meeting a ton of cute guys and talking and dancing with them. The girl was a magnet, and I was quite proud of her abilities. She was on fire! The music was great, so I got some good dancing in. There was one guy that tried hitting on me, but I flashed him the ring, and he got all sad, so I had a talk with him about how to pick up a girl, because he came on way too strong. It was a nice conversation, and my little pep talk gave him the courage to go and hit on 30 other girls. OK. He would have done it without my pep talk.

So we had a great time. A lot of good laughs. We were ready to go home at around 4am. We left the bar a bit tipsy, and Dan was our pimp. We started walking back towards the car, and there was a point where Dan and Claudine were standing on the sidewalk. I looked next to where they were standing and didn't see any cars. Dan looked really confused, and he was reading the parking signs. "Fuck!" he shouted. "Don't tell me we've been towed!" I said. But indeed we had. After closer inspection, the parking sign said that if there was 2 inches of snow OR between the hours of 3am and 7am there was no parking, not the combination of the two! We seemed to have missed the 'OR' part of the whole thing.

So we asked the cop that was patrolling the street where they towed the cars to. He gave us an address and we all piled into a cab and went to the impound lot, which was on Lower Wacker, a creepy, scary place at night.

When we got there, the guy told us my car wasn't there, but was actually somewhere on the south side. So once again, we piled into a cab and went there (after going to the ATM to get the wad of cash needed to get our car out). And there were quite a few people at this lot. We waited in line for eons and more people piled in, most who had gotten their cars towed because of the snow parking signs. It was like 'Club Impound' in there...all we needed was a DJ and some strobe lights. But I guess this has been a problem for a lot of people.

Finally, we got our car back, and when we got home, at around 5:30am, we were completely exhausted, too tired to make our much anticipated White Castle run.

So the lesson here, kids, is always read those signs, even though you see them every day, make sure to read the fine print!

Reading Pleasures

None

I really haven't had time to read. Once I do, I'll review something here!

song stuck in my head

'Seven Nation Army' - White Stripes

This song has a awesome bass line. I'm a sucker for rock songs with good bass lines. Another song that has a great bass line is 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl' by Jet.

at the movies

Return of the King

Well, since I've seen this movie twice already, I'll make this my movie pick. I feel like I've been anticipating this movie forever, and it definitely didn't let me down. It was epic, beautifully filmed, and I'm happy with the way that the plot went. All the good stuff that people say about it is true.

However, it wasn't my favorite of the three. That would have to be the first one. I usually like the first movies of trilogies just because they introduce us to the characters and the plot of the story. However, three did a great job in searching deeper into the relationships between the various characters. But the last installment to the trilogy didn't wow me, as I wished it would. To me, no battle in ROTK beat the awestruck feeling I felt when I watched the battle of Helm's deep in Twin Towers. Then again, maybe I'm just used to it now. But nonetheless, the movie was good. I loved it.

Though I could really have done without the pretty eyes that Frodo was giving everyone. By the end of the movie I was snickering every time Frodo would look at Sam. And I'm not really going to give anything away here, but that scene where the hobbits are on the bed, and Gimli walks in? I just about died. I could hear Dave whispering, 'The dwarf is in on it, too?' I know that hobbits are happy, loving people, but it was a little much!

comic you should be reading

Wolverine: The End

With 'Origin' Marvel told us about the beginnings of the mysterious Wolverine, with a lot of big surprises. With 'The End', Marvel fast forwards way way into the future with Wolverine's last story. How will he ultimately meet his demise? What are the last days like for a man with a natural healing factor? I don't know if this series will answer these questions, but I hope it does. So far, we see in Wolvie's future that he lives as a hermit, but that he has some contact with humanity, so fortunately he hasn't turned into a rabid animal up in the Canadian wilderness. This is definitely something to read if you're a Wolverine fan!

yummy for my tummy

Ghirardelli Chocolate

Dan gave me a 10lb block of Ghirardelli chocolate for Christmas. At about 270 calories per 1 ounce square or something like that, I should get my ass back in no time!

addiction

Exhaustion

I've been so busy lately, I haven't had time to myself. Hopefully after the New Year, things will slow down!

This week's Unconscious Mutterings

1. Seeker:: Quidditch
2. Mirror:: Wall
3. Fire:: Flame
4. Goblet:: Gold
5. Empty:: Nest
6. Secrets:: Victoria's
7. Defense:: Shield
8. Hatchet:: Bury
9. Vapour:: Mist
10. Ministry:: Halloween

Sitting here during my day of doing nothing and watching "The Sound of Music". This movie is the shit! I think I can watch it over and over again. It's one of my favorite movies. I love the singing, the music, the story, the romance...and Julie Andrews is the best.

Why don't they make musicals anymore? The last good musical was 'Moulin Rouge', but it didn't have the same feel as these good ol' musicals of yesterday.

I love the part when they dance The Ländler. Would you believe that me and Angelo broke down that whole scene, taught it to 6 couples and did it for a fashion show? Hop, skip! Hop, skip! I think it was one of my best scenes ever. I think I can still do the dance today, given that I have a partner who knows how to do it, too! I miss the days of coordinating and choreographing!

Tonight, I dance!

And here's a little something for you out there that love The Sound of Music, and also the X-Files, as I do...

The Sound of Krycek

Yesterday a whole bunch of us went to watch the Chicago Wolves play the Milwaukee Admirals. I haven't been to a game in a while, and it was fun to go. We had a lot of first timers with us - my aunt, my dad, Fatima, Marian and Marlon. They had a great time, which was made even better due to the fact that our team won! It was nice to hear my dad cheering and having a good time. He needs it!

We found the mascot 'Skates' in the lobby and got our picture taken with him. His handlers seemed overjoyed at the fact that Marian and Fatima were hockey virgins. They couldn't stop saying it. And when we took our picture with Skates, he was rubbing Marian on the shoulder. Bad Touch, Skates! But it was a good laugh...

Today, we go and drink cheap beers with the cousins.

I got this from Fata's page....I'm lounging at home doing nothing, so I thought I'd waste some time answering these questions...

I'd like to call it...
Your Personal Guide to Stalking Me

Essentials...

1. Name: Christine Feliciano Estacio
2. Birthday: 05/27 and I seem to have forgotten the year
3. Piercings: One in each ear
4. Tattoos: Tattoo free
5. Height: 5'3". OK. 5'2 and 3/4"
6. Shoe size: 8
7. Hair color: Dark dark brown
8. Hair Length: a short angled bob
9. Pets: Luscious the rabbit and Ewok the dog
10. In the morning I am: Not wanting to wake up
11. All I need: is love
12. Love is: returned when you give it
13. If I could see one person right now: my mom.
14. I'm afraid of: being alone
15. I dream about: long movie type dreams that linger and haunt me throughout the day

Last...
1. Movie you rented: Ghost World
2. Movie you bought: it will be Whale Rider
3. Song you listened to: The end theme to the Two Towers (I just watched it)
4. Song you had stuck in your head: 'Bad Boys' from Cops
5. Song you've downloaded: Download? What's that? Uh, "Seven Nation Army" but the White Stripes
6. Person you've called: Marlon
7. Person that called you: Claudine
8. TV shows you've watched: Mutant X...the TV was on...
9. Person you were thinking of: Dave!

Do...
1. You have a B/F or G/F? No. I have a husband.
2. You have a crush on someone? Yes. My husband. And Mark Wahlberg.
3. You wish you could live somewhere else? Not really
4. You think about suicide? I have...
5. You believe in online dating? Yes. It's been quite successful for some people I know.
6. Others find you attractive? Maybe. It would be nice.
7. You want more piercings? Yeah, I've thought of it.
8. You want more tattoos? Nah...

For or against...
1. Long distance relationships: Worked for me!
2. Using someone: Hmm...I'm torn on that one. I'd be lying if I said that I haven't used someone. It depends on how. *wink*
3. Suicide: Against.
4. Killing people: That's another tough one. I can't say against, because the death penalty comes to mind. So lets just say, when a person's time comes, it comes.
5. Doing drugs: It's your body, go ahead and mess it up as you wish.
6. Driving drunk: Against, but once again, I admit to doing it in the past.

Favorite...
1. Food? Sushi, Tiramisu
2. Song? all time fave, On Bended Knee by Boys to Men
3. Thing to do? Sleep
4. Thing to talk about? Comic Books, Short Track
5. Sports? Love to play and watch football, and I like to watch speedskating
6. Drinks? Boba Shakes, Jack and Coke, Iced White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks
7. Clothes? Out: Jeans and a baby tee. In: Pajama pants and a T-shirt
8. Movies? The Princess Bride, Contact, Pulp Fiction
9. Bands? Barenaked Ladies, Outkast
10. Holiday? Halloween, Christmas
11. Car? My Honda CRV
12. Ever cried over a girl/boy? Yeah.
13. Ever lied to someone? Yes.
14. Ever been in a fight or arrested? Uh, not that I recall...

What...
1. Shampoo do you use? Garnier Fructris
2. Perfume/Cologne? JLo's Glow, Prescriptive's Calyx, Estee Lauder's Pleasures
3. Number of times I have had my heart broken? Once, but I got over it, quickly
4. Number of hearts I have broken? Let's not go into numbers here...
5. a. Number of guys I have kissed? Intentionally? Because there have been a number of accidental kisses in there. Nonetheless...I plead the fifth on this one.
5. b. Number of guys I have kissed in the last three days: Zip. My hubby is back in da LBC and I'm in Chicago. No kissy kissy for me.
6. Number of drugs taken illegally? At least one...
7. Number of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? There's a lot. I hope if the time ever comes I'm not proven wrong.
8. Number of people I consider my enemies? Um...At the present time, I can count 4 people that I believe don't care too much for me. There are possibly many more.
9. Number of people from high school that I stayed in contact with: Enough to count on one hand.
10. Number of CDs? Damn. Who's got time to count?
11. Number of scars on my body? I scar easily due to a lack of vitamins. There are many. Are we counting the scars on my heart? Hardee har har...
12. Number of things in my past that I regret? Ack...Let's not even start!

With the opposite sex:
1. What do you notice first? Smile, then ass.
2. Worst thing to say? You're like a brother to me, dude!

Who:
1. Makes you laugh the most? Dave
2. Makes you smile? My cousins
3. Gives you a funny feeling when you see them? The police
4. Has a crush on you? Um...I dunno...and even if I did, I'm not naming names!
5. Easiest to talk to? Jaygee

Have you ever:
1. Sat on the Internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you? Not waiting for someone to IM me, but I have sat on the internet all day.
2. Saved AOL/AIM conversations? Yes. The FBI might need it someday. Though saving conversations can also be a BAD thing. Very bad!!!
3. Cried because of someone saying something to you? Of course.
4. Fallen for your best friend? Yeah, I guess so...
5. Rejected someone? Yeah. But I'd like to say I've got that down to an art.
7. Been cheated on? Hmm...yeah

Who was the last person:
1. You talked to? Fatima. She's in my room
2. Hugged? Marian before she left yesterday
3. You instant messaged? Dan
4. You laughed with? Fatima

Do you:
1. Color your hair? Not anymore. I should be at 100% natural hair color by now.
2. Ever get off the darn computer? When Dave the Slavedriver makes me do chores. Yes. :-P
3. Hablas espanol? un poco.

Have you/ Are you/ Do you:
1. Obsessive: At times, yes
2. Could you live without the computer? I shudder tihnking of such a question
3. Like watching sunrises or sunset? Sunsets,yes
4. What hurts the most, physical pain or emotional pain? Emotional

Final Questions:
1. I want: Peace of mind
2. I wish: for more wishes
3. I love: life
4. I miss: my mom
5. I fear: being disliked
6. I hear: the clicking of the keyboard
7. I wonder: who wrote the book of love
8. I am: me!
9. I will: be better

Well, we got through Christmas in one piece. It wasn't as bad as I was thinking it was going to be. Fortunately, we were all together with our aunts, uncles and cousins, so it made it a lot easier.

I spent the first part of Christmas with Dave's family, though I was reluctant to leave my own. After hanging out at his family Christmas party, Dave's parents, his brother and girlfriend, and Dave and I headed out to my family party, which was already in full swing.

We all went to midnight mass together, taking up about 5 rows. All the Polish people at church were probably like 'Oh, look at all the Filipino people! Must be the Feliciano's or their neighbor's hosting Christmas again.' Church was pretty difficult, since there's a lot of thinking time. I was getting through the holiday pretty successfully by constantly moving and constantly talking and cracking jokes. At church, I could do neither. So it took a lot of willpower not to sit there and think about my mom not being there. When that happened, I could feel a black abyss of despair opening up and a wave of emotion gripping me. It was hard not to fall in!

After church we went back to open presents. It's our first Christmas together, and it was interesting to see how many 'Dave and Christine' presents we got. We got a nice platter, the Two Towers DVD, and a lot of other cool things. Opening the presents was fun, and felt so normal. It was nice. Afterwards, we just hung out and played cards. Well, I fell asleep on the couch, but I could hear everyone else playing cards. I slumbered while listening to the laughter of my sister and cousins. (Because of course, Claudine was the first to fall asleep)

Christmas day, I woke up and ate lunch, then we all headed over to the cemetary. I think that was the hardest of all for all of us. But we got through it. I talked a little to my mom in my head, telling her I missed her and that it just wasn't the same without her. My aunts said things like 'I miss you Cris!' or 'Merry Christmas, Cris!' I know that they felt her absence from our holiday, too.

Then we went to go and watch 'Lord of the Rings', to catch the matinee. We usually go to see a movie on Christmas day. But this year, for some reason, the theater was PACKED! The movie was actually sold out and we had to come back later to watch the movie. What are people doing watching movies on Christmas day? Don't you have lives? *snicker* We enjoyed the movie, and couldn't help snickering with all of the loving hobbit parts. You know what I'm talking about.

So it wasn't that bad. It was great, but it wasn't horrible. I'm glad it's over, but I'm also glad that we were able to spend it with family and people who love us, they made a hard day a little easier.

Here's some pics....enjoy!!!

Me and Dave

Us reindeer gotta stick together!

The Girl Cousins

Opening Presents

It's 1:30, and I just woke up from a night of eating, gift opening, and games that I did not partake in because I feel asleep on the couch.

Merry Christmas!

And off to eat again I go!

At work, got a lot of work to do...but as soon as I get it done, I'm just going to sit here and surf away!

Here's a little something to spread some Christmas Cheer to you...

If you don't come here before Christmas, happy holidays to you!

Carol of the Burgers
It's so wrong it's right!

So I'm back in the office in Chicago. I've really missed most of these people! It's nice to work with people again, people I know and love and miss terribly. My main goal today is to take the crap off my old laptop and put it on "Speedy", my new work laptop. There's a lot of crap to move, so it should take all day. And really, it's the only work I feel like doing, though all of my expenses (I'm behind about 3 months) are due tomorrow.

Then again, it doesn't help that the whole lot of us went to Rock Bottom for lunch today. A lot of people are on vacation for the holidays, so a bunch of us that are left over went to lunch, leaving about 3 people left at the office. It was nice to go to lunch and talk and laugh and drink and laugh. A couple ex-coworkers came, too, and it was great to see them. I'm so happy that we haven't lost touch with them, even though we've gone our seperate ways.

So anyway, I've had a bit to drink, which is what often happens at these lunch soirees. My tolerance is definitely lower than it used to be! But that's ok, I had a good time with good friends. Tonight I have to do some mad Christmas shopping. I haven't done any and I'm way behind!

But to tell the truth, I don't really feel much of the Christmas spirit. It's sad, because it's one of my favorite holidays, but it's just not the same. Everyone told me that it's going to be hard, and it is. We have a tree up, but haven't bothered to turn on the lights. The only presents under our Christmas tree are from Dan. We really don't want to do anything for Christmas. I just want it to pass. :( When I hear Christmas songs on the radio, I change the channel, and I have to keep moving and doing things just so I don't sit here and dwell on how hard it's going to be on my whole family this Christmastime.

*sigh*

That's what I did today, and I was so exhausted when I left my client site at 8:30 that I was just about ready to cry. It was a long day's work, and I had a LONG night. My flight left LA at 8, and a 2 hour layover in Vegas, then got to Chicago at around 5:30am. By the time I got home it was around 6:30, which didn't leave me much time for a catnap.

Then I went to my client site, and this gig was thrown together really fast, and I had only a vague idea of what I was supposed to be doing there. Then I realized I had also been sent there as a sacrifical lamb, once again. Sent there to show the client that my company cares enough to send a consultant out there to sit and listen to their complaints and be their punching bag for a day. It's pretty tough to sit there and listen to someone talk about detailed issues with our product after only having an hour of sleep.

Oh, and here's a fun little story that you can laugh at.

So I was going to go get some sushi for lunch (but of course, it was closed today) so I was walking out to my dad's car. I'm using his car because mine is in California. So I get to my car and try to unlock the door. But the key isn't working. It's kinda cold, but I don't see any ice on the car. So I try the key again. No can do, it won't turn in the lock. It doesn't even fit in the door all the way. I'm starting to get a little worried.

Then I realize that I was using my car keys, rather than my dad's. Duh.

Yes, laugh. Laugh away!

So I'm grumpy! I'm rarely grumpy and irritable, but I am today! I was planning on doing some Christmas shopping today, but didn't get the chance. Hmph!

Bah Humbug!

Finishing up packing and going to go for my plane ride back home to Chicago! As soon as I'm off the plane (tomorrow - I've got a stopover in Las Vegas and I get in tomorrow morning) I'm heading straigh to a client site. No rest for me!

Anyway, to tide you over until then, here's a picture that you can laugh at, at my expense. It's not the mythical afro picture, but it's bad enough!

One of the major setbacks of living in California, and Dave can be the first one to complain about this, is not the traffic. It's that we don't get Chicago sports here. So around this time of year, we don't get to see any Bears' games, which you guys know, I love to watch. And the one this week is extra important, because my dad is out there watching, and it's his very first Bears' game ever, but he's always been a Bears fan, always watched the games whenever they've been on. He's never been to Soldier Field before, and I'm sure he's out there, camera in hand (it's genetic, you know) snapping away, freezing his fingers off, and having the time of his life, whether the team wins or loses. I'm really happy he's there, its something that he really needs right now. Thank god for angels with red hair with Bears tickets!

So I'm sitting here, watching Billiards on ESPN. Not that I'm complaining, because one of my sports idols, Jeanette Lee, is commentating. She is awesome, and the game is even better to watch with her doing the play by play. This woman knows the game. She knows the mindset of the players and she knows the shots these women are going to go for, and she speaks with someone who has a passion for the game. And I love the giggle of glee she gets when someone makes a good shot, because it echoes my giggle of glee at home.

OK. I should be packing!

Just got back from Seattle. Really tired, so I'm going to post something that I had written earlier this week...

Things are still really tough for me. I kinda stopped doing the 'Thank You' emails because it was taking too much out of me. This holiday season is really tough, in a way, I don't want Christmas to come because I can't bear having a Christmas without my mom. When I head Christmas songs on the radio, I change the channel. Everytime I think of Christmas, I get teary eyed, knowing that my mom won't be in our annual family picture. It's so hard! I can't wait to go home for Christmas, to be with my family again, but then again, I don't know if I can be strong enough to get through it without breaking down.

I was looking at my cousin's blogs the other day, looking back at the days after my mom's death, and it was so touching to see the beautiful things that they wrote about my mom. For a long time I've been wanting to publish them here, but I never had the time...But here they are, it may get pretty long, but you don't have to read them.

I said it once, and I'll say it again, I don't know what I would do without these wonderful people in my life...

This is from Melanie:

But she was able to read it aloud, and it was wonderful...

From Marilyn:

Whoo! Someone pass me some tissue!

The Friday Five:

This week is a long one!!!

1. List your five favorite beverages.
1) Bubbletea Shakes
2) Raspberry Iced Tea
3) Jack and Coke
4) Vanilla Frappucino
5) Thai Iced Coffee

2. List your five favorite websites.
1) Margaret Cho
2) rustysmith.com
3) ohnozone.net
4) aspencomics.com
5) yahoo

3. List your five favorite snack foods.
1) Guacamole Doritos
2) Ho-Ho's
3) String Cheese
4) Kit Kats
5) Bugles

4. List your five favorite board and/or card games.
1) Speed
2) Clue
3) War
4) Cranium
5) Trivial Pursuit

5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games.
1) Any Tony Hawk game
2) SIMS
3) All of the Mario Games, but Mario Kart and Super Mario Bro's 3 are the best
4) Super Bomberman
5) Old School Pitfall

So I got back to my hotel room, and I hooked up my laptop, and tried to connect to the internet, then NOTHING. "Page Could Not Be Found".

Bastard!

So I tried again.

Then I called tech support. And they said try back in 20 minutes, the server was down.

20 minutes pass, and I try again, and nothing.

I call again, they said they were working on it. Try again in 15 - 30 minutes. So I waited. What can I do? Work on my Christmas cards??? OK. So I did. And I got 10 done before I started getting restless. Back to the computer. Still have 10 minutes before the 30 minute mark.

What to do?

So I played around with my hair. I've been playing around with my hair all day, because I love it. It's so much more fun and easy to take care of than my other haircut. And it's so me. And yes, Chris, I was walking down the street today and thinking of buying some pink hair mascara so I can pretend to be Freefall. So I was working the hair, all day, just like the lady at the salon told me. It's easy to maintain, too, I didn't have to mess around with it too much this morning to make it look normal.

And I thought, hey, what if other people had my hair? So if you've ever wondered, here's what it would look like...

Yes. I have too much time on my hands. Actually, there's a ton of other things that I need to be doing, but I chose to waste half an hour to do this.

And here I am, moved to a new hotel room with a working internet connection, and so with this newfound internet connection I shall share the fruits of my labor with you. I hope you enjoy it!

I don't really watch news, unless I'm out of town on business. And the big buzz in Seattle is the sentencing of the Green River Killer, Gary Ridgeway. Since everything was reruns today, I got caught up in watching all the coverage for it, sitting in a daze, watching the TV.

Ridgeland had killed at least 48 women, whose bodies were found between 1982 and 1998. There were so many, he hardly remembered them. He called his victims 'garbage' and said that he didn't care about them.

Today, they were showing the sentencing on TV. This included the families of the victims confronting Ridgeway, letting go of years of grief, rage, frustration, anger and sadness. It was heartwrenching, but in a way, it helped me deal a little with the grief that I'm still going through, and gave me some perspective. These families never got to say goodbye. Many of these women were between 17 and 25, their lives ended before they had even begun, lives so full of potential. Some of these women were missing for more than 10 years, their families having no idea where they were. When the first remains were found in 1982, the families had to deal with their grief, but they didn't know who to blame.

So I sat there, and heard these families talk to Ridgeland, their grief open for everyone to see, looking at the face of their sister, mother, or daughter's killer in the eyes. These people had been waiting for this moment, some for more than 20 years. They spoke of the women that were lost, a woman who was five when she found out on mother's day that her mother was dead, a sister that loved horses, a daughter who wanted to be an artist, a mother that went missing before her son even got to know her...And everyone had different ways of dealing with their grief. Some broke down. Some called him a monster, some said they wanted to kill him themselves, some showed him pictures of the victims who he had called garbage. And Ridgeland sat there, looking at each one of them, without any expression other than slight interest. Only when one of the only 3 families that actually forgave him came up to speak did he break and show emotion.

"I can only hope that someday, someone gets the opportunity to choke you unconscious 48 times, so you can live through the horror that you put our mothers and our daughters through. ... To me you are already dead."

"Gary Leon Ridgway, I forgive you. I forgive you. You can't hold me anymore. I'm through with you. I have a peace that is beyond human understanding."

"The one thing I want you to know is that there was a daughter at home, I was that daughter at home, waiting for my mommy to come home. I'm glad you didn't get (the death penalty), because death is too good for you. You'll die someday, and you'll go to that place, and you'll get what you deserve."

"I'm angry, I will always be angry. I will never have my sister in my life. You broke my family apart. For 20 years, a lot of birthdays and a lot of Christmases were broken apart. I hope you rot in hell, you son of a bitch."

"I forgive you for what you've done. You've made it difficult to live up to what I believe, and that is what God says to do, and that is forgive, and he doesn't say to forgive just certain people, he says forgive all. So you are forgiven. My daughter was 16 at time you killed her. My wife and I were separated, and she had to live on the street. She did things I may not have been proud of, but she was still a little girl."

I can't imagine what these people are going through. I know loss, but not a loss like this. Not a loss where someone was taken out in the prime of life in such a senseless way. Not a loss where the body was found in pieces, and not knowing who killed them or why. Not a loss where the murderer showed no remorse and called the victim, the victim being someone I love, 'garbage' and not worth anything. To have my life revolve around bringing the killer to justice and rebuilding my life. On these people's faces I saw 20 years of grief. And many of them spoke the words that I felt they had been waiting so long to say, words that they had imprinted on their hearts and that they were able to say with no mistakes by memory.

I only hope that these families find peace. It will be hard and may never happen, but I pray for them.

Theme Thursday: Bliss

Wedding Pics at Wrigley: August 2003

This was the best day of my life, and being at Wrigley Field with my family and best friends was total bliss. In 45 minutes, we had the time of our lives. I'll never forget it!!!

Well, I've been debating for the last couple weeks about my haircut. I like it, but it's a lot of maintenance with the ends, because they tend to flip out a bit. I also thought it made my face look really long. But did I really want to cut more off? I wasn't sure. I had already cut enough off.

But when I found out I would be going to Seattle for work, that made the decision for me. I made an appointment, and today Yuki cut my hair. I like it a lot, and I think it's going to be a little less maintenance than the previous cut, even though it's shorter. He cut off some of the back and angled the hair to the front, which is actually similar to the way I had it in '96. Since I have significantly less hair, this cut lasted only about an hour, rather than the 2 hour marathon of the last haircut. It was nice to see Yuki and to chat with him again. He's so cool to talk to, and even though we didn't get to talk about as much short track this time around, we talked about my wedding, marriage and having kids. Who'd have thought!?!?

But anyway, I love my hair. He cut it just the way I wanted. Though I was kind of surprised when he cut me some bangs. I haven't had bangs since I was 16. But they're really light, you can hardly see them. But I think this cut suits my face and my personality a lot better than the last one.

In other news, I had a two and a half hour lunch today since I got most of my work done in the morning. I went shopping around downtown Seattle which was a lot of fun. I really love downtown Seattle, there's a lot of great shopping. I stopped by FAO Schwartz and I just about freaked. There were hippos everywhere. I went into hippo overload. Only the fact that I can't fit all of those homeless hippos in my luggage prevented me from buying the lot of them!

You know, when I posted the "How Do You See Me?" thread, I didn't think that many people would reply, or that it would be such an ego booster. I've been so down lately (see below) that it was nice to see how other people percieve me. You guys are all great, and I'm so lucky to have you around to stroke my ego when I'm down!

So I thought I'd stroke your egos a bit...

DK
- Has the best, cleanest, web design out there
- Always has nice things to say to me and makes me laugh
- I wouldn't have gotten to know half of the internet people I have without him taking me under his wing
- His view of life is pretty inspiring, especially now with training

Noelle
- Our friendship has transcended talk of short track and skinsuits
- She works really hard on things that she doesn't get paid for, but that a lot of people reap the benefits of
- She has lived and traveled more in 10 years than most people will in 5 lifetimes
- I trust her. That means a lot.

Melinda
- It's amazing how much her life has changed for the better in the last couple years
- She hooked me and Dave up in the zoo and didn't roll her eyes at all the hippo paraphenalia I bought. Well, just a little
- In a short time, she learned HTML to build up Derek's site
- She cares enough about skating short track to drive up to LA from San Diego just to skate

Melanie
- 85% of my childhood memories involve her
- If ever someone does something bad to me, this girl will always have my back, and I hers
- I wish we were closer, and I miss her a lot
- One day, I aspire to be as neat and organized as she is

Denise
- She gives so much of herself but never asks for anything in return
- She has helped me through some very tough times, has been my shoulder to lean on, and she's not afraid to tell me the truth
- She has had some amazing experiences in the last year, and she deserves every bit of it
- She looks REALLY good for her age. Whatever age that is.

Amy
- Without Amy at the office, I would be lost without a female companion and drown in a river of testosterone
- She's stronger than she thinks she is
- She inspires me to work out. Or do yoga. Or whatever she's doing to better herself these days.
- For some reason, I feel really protective of her, and I'm quick to defend her when there's trouble near, or try and cheer her up when she's down

Nav
- The girl has guts to be standing on a streetcorner wearing a laker's jersey in Chicago
- From what I've seen, she doesn't take shit from anyone, and stands her ground
- She hangs around cute guys
- I hope she gets to go away for college so she can have a good time and experience what it's like to be away from home

Pridey
- Whether by choice or by nature, she stays out of any drama that happens, which is pretty smart
- She thinks I'm funny. I love people who think I'm funny!
- I've learned so much about horses just be reading her blog. Educating non-horse riders everywhere!
- She works in HR. One day, I will ask her to explain all the HR BS that gets thrown at me that I just sign and never bother to read.

Chris
- Need an interesting link? Check out his site!
- He loves Hawaiian outrigger canoeing. I have no idea what that involves, but from the looks of the pictures on his site, it looks pretty strenuous!
- I believe he has posted pictures of shirtless men on his site. Whoo hoo!
- I'm not sure, but I think he's Filipino, and that in itself is pretty cool

Lara
- She didn't know anyone there, yet she still came to my mom's funeral all the way from Milwaukee
- She's part of what I call, 'The Late Night Rusty Crew'
- She endured an 8 hour drive to Michigan with me. And we got lost twice.
- She never complained about my snoring, which I'm sure I did, after ingesting all that alcohol.

Added at 21:00

Jerry
- Jerry is the best pool buddy a gal ever had. I am the black widow, he is my wingman, bringing in the unknowing victims.
- Jerry is single and a great catch, he would make any gal a great boyfriend. He's got a huge heart!
- There's nothing better than Vegas with Jerry and having the porn slappers slap his ass
- He is one of the few people I know who has a real appreciation for old school house music. Probably the only white guy I know who has even heard of old school house music!!!

Kathy
- I miss Kathy a lot. Her family is like the mirror of mine - 3 girls, about the same number of years apart.
- Kathy is one of the few people outside of work who actually understands what hell working a support desk can be.
- Kathy's blog inspires me, because she has so much in there. She blogs as much as I want to blog, but never get a chance to!
- Kathy is a total sweetheart, and I'm so happy that she has a wonderful husband.

Mike
- I love hanging out with Mike. We can have the best conversations about so many cool things that I never get a chance to talk about, like Star Wars or comics, or japanese animes.
- I wish I was still working in Chicago because I never got to eat lunch with Mike as much as I wanted to.
- Anytime I hear 'Suddenly Seymour' I think of Mike, because he sounds so great singing it.
- Mike changed my life with one late night in the Allen Hall computer lab and a sleepless night on IRC's #Jeopardy.

So yeah, thanks everyone for all their kind words. Hopefully this brightens your day a bit like it brightened mine.

OK, I swear I've used that subject before, but I don't care.

Anyway, I'm in Seattle right now, drove straight to the airport from working in the Oaks. I'm pooped! But I'm so happy that my laptop has 7 hours of battery power, compared to the 2 my other laptop had. So I was able to work on my picture galleries and listen to some tunes while my flight was delayed.

But I am so tired of work. It has definitely played a part in the funk that I'm still in. It's not too bad, but I'm just so tired and spent with everything that's been going on. You know, since I came back to Long Beach after my mom's funeral, I've seen Dave an average of twice a week? With me staying up in the Oaks and his schedule at the hospital, we never see each other.

Things have been pretty tough for me lately, especially since I've been working far from home, and I don't know anyone at the company I'm consulting at. With the holidays coming up, it's been doubly hard. I change the station when I hear Christmas songs come on. I almost don't want Christmas to come, because it will just be another reminder.

And I have done ZERO Christmas shopping. And it will be HELL to do it in Chicago. I might have to throw down like I did last year when I got my parking spot stolen. OK. I didn't throw down. I gave a dirty look. But if Fata or Mel was there, heads woulda rolled!

So I sit here in my comfy hotel in Seattle, not being able to sleep, which has the regular theme for the past couple weeks. The only time I get some good sleep is when Dave is around.

So I'm off to go an lie in my super plushy hotel bed to stare at the ceiling and count hippos to help me sleep. Wish me luck!

Here's the next installment of ¿Yano Asks You a Question?. Why? Because I have a ton of work and I have to leave to catch a plane in 2 hours. And because I'm curious, and I need something entertaining to read once I get to my hotel room.

So go ahead and answer. I'll give me answer when I get back.

What's your favorite cereal?

I'm wearing my boots today, because I'm wearing jeans at work today, but I can't wear gym shoes with them, so boots are the way to go. Since it rained a bit earlier, my shoes are still a bit moist and have been making weird noises. Only now have I realized that as I'm walking it sounds like I'm letting out little farts.

But I swear it's coming from my shoes.

Maybe.

I got this from Mel who got it from Kat...I think it was originally called 'How Well Do You Know Me?' but I think it shows more how you see me than how much you know me...

What you do is copy the questions below and paste them in the comments and answer them. My readers are a mix of people I've known since birth, people I've just met and people I've never met. I'm really curious to see your answers...

So here goes....Please be gentle!

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What do you think makes me happy?
10. What do you think makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

Went over to the Cajudo pad for some Thai food and to 'kick it'. 'Kicking it' in the midwest means a completely different thing than it does on the west coast. Let's just say I was relieved that there weren't any body fluids exchanged when we all 'kicked it' together.

Anyway, this was my first try at anything social since my mom passed away, and even though Dave wasn't with me, I held up pretty well. It was great to see Rod, Rick, Lanie and Rocena again (Rocena's friend was there, but I forgot his name). Since I missed the last poker party, and I've never really played poker before, they all taught me the different games that they play. To tell the truth, I don't remember half of the games we played, but some were 'Speed', 'Texas Standoff', 'Omaha', 'Crazy Eights', 'Five Card Stud', 'Chicago Low', and 'Screw Your Neighbor'. There were a ton more, and chances are I didn't even get the names right of the ones that we did play, but all that matters was I was winning 'em all. Totally first time luck. I think it helped that we weren't playing with real money, so I had nothing to lose.

It was nice to socialize, it's been so long since I've hung out with anyone my age who wasn't either married or related to me. We had a lot of good laughs. I'm lucky to have friends out here.

I also got a chance to see some of the SLC footage, and watching it all just confirms the fact that I HATE MY VOICE. That, and I speak at 100 miles an hour. I apologize to Rusty, Apolo, Stephen, Andy, and everyone else for talking so fast and sounding like a chipmunk on speed during the interviews.

But it was fun to relive the memories of SLC. I forgot how fun it was doing all of that. Next time, if there IS a next time, I'll speak slower, not jam the mic in my mouth, take the word 'um' out of my vocabulary, and touch up my nailpolish.

Unfortunately, I couldn't concentrate too much on it, since I was too busy taking everyone's money with my card playing skillz.

Because I am the MASTER.

In his constant effort to keep me in good spirits, Dave took me out Christmas Tree shopping yesterday. I've never had a real tree before, and since we're only going to be here for one Christmas, we decided on buying a new tree. It was quite a challenge to find a tree that wasn't deformed, but after a while we found the perfect tree. It has some minor deformities, but that's what makes it special and loveable. We bought some ornaments, stockings, lights, and went home to put it all together. Before decorating, we decided to go and watch 'Elf' to get us in the Christmas spirit. Loved the movie, Will Farrell is awesome. Then we went home to decorate.

It was a fun time, very different from decorating with my sisters. No Christmas music in the background but The Fresh Prince of Bel Air made for a jolly background sound.

So now our little apartment is all ready for the Holidays!

Posted by Yano at 05:31 PM | Comments (8)

Yet another thing stolen from Noelle....

Sunday Brunch

1. Do you have a favorite Christmas carol? If so, what is it and why is it your favorite?
O Holy Night. Having a soloist and a choir sing it, it can be so beautiful, it brings chills up my spine. I also love the Gloooooooooooooo-ria of Angels We Have Heard on High.

2. What is the one Christmas carol you absolutely can't stand to hear?
Hmm...not really...

3. Have you ever went out caroling?
I don't remember. I think we might have when we went on vacation to the Philippines.

4. If you had to pick a character from Dickens' "A Christmas Carol", which character would you be?
Probably Bob Marley. Wait. Isn't that the reggae singer's name? I'm getting the characters mixed up. I meant Bob Cratchit. Even though I get paid pennies and get stepped all over, I try to make the best out of everything I have.

5. How many Christmas recordings do you own?
All of them? Ok, not all. But a good amount. I ever 'Very Special Christmas' CD and the Chipmunks CD, and Billboards Christmas favorites, and I think that's all you need. Oh, and the New Kids on the Block Christmas, too.

Unconscious Mutterings:

1. Warning:: Sign
2. Aspirations:: Inspirations
3. Starvation:: Africa
4. Lid:: Can
5. Sketch:: Artist
6. Interrogate:: Question
7. Credit:: Card
8. Scotch:: Brandy
9. Confused:: Clueless
10. Paris:: France

If you've got some extra cash, or feel like doing a little charity this holiday season, my friend Dave is doing the AIDS LifeCycle. AIDS LifeCycle is a 7-day, 585-mile bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles. You can read his post about his reasons for doing this, and I admire him for taking this on. I have hard time riding my bike around the block, much less for seven days from SF to LA! His challenge is not only to train for such a long bike ride, but also to raise the $2500 necessary. It sounds cliche, but every little bit counts. I remember friends who did the AIDS Ride from the Twin Cities to Chicago, and raising that money isn't easy. Dave's a great guy, and he's helped me out a lot. And to me, the best way to inspire to keep on training and make his goals is to see how many people are out there supporting him! It helped me during my Blogathon, and it will help him during his training. So help a brotha out!

Stole this link from Dave K. This is for all you Star Wars freaks out there, or anyone who has had fantasies about Scout Walkers.

Kama Sutra, as illustrated by Star Wars machines

I admit, I had bought Christina Aguilera's CD the week it came out. Though sometimes she can be something of a skank, she has a kickass voice. When I listened to the CD, I immediately fell in love with The Voice Within. It was just such a beautiful song, and it had such an awesome message. When Beautiful came out, I loved the video. It was so far away from the image that Christina had when she first came out with the CD. The video wasn't about Christina, it was about all the beautiful people in it - drag queens, gay lovers, an anorexic girl...I was pretty impressed.

So I was happy to finally hear The Voice Within on the radio, and couldn't wait to see the video.

But then I saw it, and it was all Christina. Hmph! She could have done SO much with a good video for that song, but she reverted back to the 'Look at me!' of her first videos.

Oh well....it's still a good song....

1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays?
The best Christmas is the one where snow starts falling lightly at midnight on Christmas eve, and when you wake up in the morning the world is white.

2. What is your ideal holiday celebration? How, where, with whom would you celebrate to make things perfect?
Midnight mass with the family, the choir singing carols, my uncles snoring in the pews, having an uncle play santa to pass out presents, opening all our presents at the same time, staying up all night playing and talking, waking up Christmas afternoon and heating up leftovers from the night before.

3. Do you do have any holiday traditions?
See #2. Oh, and me and Fatima make sure to push Claudine in snow, every year. It's a sign of love.

4. Do you do anything to help the needy?
I can't pass up a Salvation Army bellringer without throwing in some change. My grandaunt did it, and I always imagine her out in the cold, ringing her bell, wishing everyone happy holidays whether they donated or not.

5. What one gift would you like for yourself?
Um...I dunno. A new desktop computer....

Photo Friday: Childhood

Catching Pigeons

I had the weirdest nightmare yesterday.

I was driving my car, and my sisters were with me. We were driving on a highway in California, and the was light traffic. We come across a car in the road, and it was obvious the accident just happened for the car was overturned and still moving. I slow down the car, and as I slow down, ahead in the road I see a 70-ish year old man rolling in the middle of the road on an office chair. He looks a bit dazed, but also upset. In my head I know that he had just come from the accident I had seen. Why he's rolling around in an office chair, I don't know.

Anyway, I slow down my car, and since I know that there is traffic behind me, I come to a stop right in front of the man so he doesn't get hit by any cars. (Kinda like when someone falls at a skating rink and the guys come by you and stand around you until you get up so no one tramples you). I'm sitting in the car looking at him, and he gets off the chair and starts walking away, not even looking at me. So I start driving again. Then I see another old man in a different desk chair. I'm driving, but I watch as the first old man comes up to the second old man. I assume they are going to start talking, but then the first old man takes out a gun and shoots the second, obviously in a fit of rage. I'm driving past, and I tell my sisters to get down as I see more people walking around the highway, some in chairs, some not, and there's gunfire everywhere. My windshield gets shattered as I try to drive away.

Then I wake up, feeling really sad and scared.

Anyone wanna take a stab at interpreting it?

Am I psycho or what?!?!?!?

You know, I forgot to tell you guys...

Since we had so many people over for the week after my mom died, we had a LOT of food. And desserts. Not to mention that Thanksgiving was in there somewhere. And we went out for ice cream bubble shakes every other night. There was access to food all the time. And I was not afraid of it.

And somehow, magically, my ass came back!

Yes, my friend has returned!

When I got back to Long Beach, I tried on my 'skinny pants'. You know, the pants that you try on, and they don't quite fit because your ass is so big, but you think to yourself, 'when I lose weight, I'll look mighty good in those pants.' Those were the pants that I was wearing a couple weeks before my mom passed away, because I had lost so much weight. But upon returning, I poured myself into those pants and through to myself, 'Damn! These are tight!' I looked in the mirror and said, 'Hello ass! You came back!' Because there she was. And it was like she never left, we just picked up where she left off. We had a good talk, reminiscing about old times, had a sleepover, sat on the couch together and vegged out, etc.

Skinnypants be damned, it's good to have my friend back again.

___________

And don't ask why I'm up at 5 in the morning. i've actually been up since 3:30 and can't go back to sleep. *sigh* It's hard to sleep in an empty apartment when Dave's on call at the hospital. I'd almost rather sleep in an unfamiliar hotel. Hmm, maybe I'll try and throw in a catnap before I actually have to get up for work.

This is the first ever installment of Yano Asks You A Question. My first question for you is something I've been wondering about, since I moved up from my 800x600 screen resolution on my old laptop to a whopping 1400x1050 on my new one. It actually gives me a warning if I try to make it any smaller than that. Most of the pictures on this site are 400x300 and they look tiny on my new machine...

There's an actual purpose to this. On a lower resolution, some of the formatting is weird on this page. So, what screen resolution are you guys working on?

640x480
800x600
1024x768
1152x864
1280x1024
1400x1050
1600x1200

Don't know? Take a guess.

Have no fear, future installments of Yano Asks You a Question will be much more exciting than this!

You know, I'm really starting to like these weekly picture things...anyway, here's:

Theme Thursday: Discipline

Chicago Police in Riot Gear - 01.09.2003

There was a big convention in town, and Chicago stepped up it's police presence, and it was pretty intimidating to see all of them, lined up, dressed the same with the helmets, batons and plastic shields.

Came home today to go to Dave's Christmas Party. I was surprised when I got home to find roses and a card. Dave knows that I've been having a tough time lately, and that it's been hard with him working and me working so much. It was so sweet of him to get the flowers, and the card was really touching. My husband is pretty swell!

Anyway, we got to the party late, since I had a 2 1/2 hour drive in from the Oaks. It was a bunch of the interns and residents, and we got in during the guest speaker's talk. (something about how people get sick from the bacteria in bird poop or something). Afterwards, he introduced me to a lot of his coworkers, some of whom I've met already from when we went to Knott's Scary Farm. They had all exchanged Secret Santa gifts, and one woman got a feathery bra and panty set. After much persuasion, and a lot of chanting of 'Dave! Dave! Dave!', one of the gals managed to put the bra on Dave and all the cameras flashed. I was laughing the whole time. There goes Dave's political future. If he ever tries for office, those pictures are sure to turn up!!! His coworkers are all a really nice bunch, but I always get weirded out in social situations where I'm expected to talk to people I don't know well. But it was a good time. I guess this is what I have to look forward to now - going to parties like this and mingling with doctors and their significant others.

It's nice to be back home, but I'll have to do the long drive back tomorrow. Well, that's ok, I'm getting really used to the drive so it won't feel as bad when I have to drive into downtown LA on Friday for a client. Can't wait til the year is over, things will settle down after that!!!

FotoFeelings: Complete

Sisters - April 1997

This was a toughie, but after some thought, I chose my sisters. We've all been away at school at different times, so anytime we get together, we feel whole, like all the world is right again.

Well, I'm not going to be in Chicago when my company has its annual Christmas party. I know the president of the company will miss having me come up to him to ask if he's going to buy another pitcher of Mai Tai's so we can get a free jacket from the restaurant.

So all of you that are going to be having your company parties, have a drink for me!

Office Christmas Party Tips for the Moderation Challenged

10. Once your pantyhose have a big "Easy Access" hole in the upper thigh, just take 'em off already. You're not fooling anyone there, classy-chick.

9. The president of your company does NOT want to know how YOU think things are REALLY going. Cause you know what? If anyone really cared, YOU'D be president. So just move along, smarty-pants.

8. Eat any and all cheese products you are offered throughout the evening. It works. I don't know why, but it does. I choose not to look that particular gift horse in the mouth. Just stick to the cheese and be grateful.

7. Arrive at the party assuming you are going to be put in a cab and sent home. Translation, know your address, or at least have it written down somewhere. And for god's sake, hang on to some cab fare.

6. Nothing says class like a woman double fisting Bud from the bottle. (Use a cup, just this once.)

5. If your party is open bar all evening long, you've hit "BONANZA." Pace yourself, or you'll be pissed in the morning when you realize you were sent home in time to watch Jeopardy. If your party is open bar only for an hour, offer to help "organize" so you can get there early and hoard alcohol for yourself and your friends. If your party is cash bar only, consider quitting now. It's only December 1--you can get a new job at a company that will at least pick up the friggin' bar tab for an hour. Jeez-it's Christmas, tight-ass!

4. Just because you can't see others while you're hooking up with your intern on the dance floor doesn't mean others can't see YOU.

3. If you've fallen down more than once, and you still want to keep your job, thanks for playing, we have some nice parting gifts for you, buh bye. Check yourself out before someone has to check you in to the emergency room. (Note: Stumbling is perfectly legal. Falling and hitting the ground is not. More than once.)

2. Your body, especially your hands, do not belong anywhere within 6 inches of your boss's body. Not forany reason, period. If you find your hands in need of something to do, get another drink for crying out loud. Or wait till you get home, Spanky.

And my number one piece of Office Christmas Party Advice for the Moderation Challenged is...

1. Stay a drink or two behind anyone you really don't like. Think of the hours and hours of fun and excitement you will have talking about what a drunken fool they were at the party the next day! Oh...sure, I had 10 g&t's, but you'd think SHE'D at least slow down after number 11...duh?!?!?)

Well, I've finally gotten myself to start working on writing my thank you letters to all of the people who had written me emails, sent me e-cards, and posted comments of condolence. I've accumulated a huge backlog of emails I need to write. I'm having a bit of a hard time with it, because I just don't want to write a short 'Thank you for the card, it really means a lot.' I want people to know how much I appreciate the things they had done. But in doing so, I start to write, then I start to write about how I'm doing (which isn't great), and then I just start babbling, and sometimes, I start tearing up a little. If you see me in person, I'm mute - I don't want to talk about it. But once I start writing those thank you emails, I just can't stop typing. It's like every email I write has a piece of a different emotion I'm feeling, a piece of a different thought I'm having about what I'm going through right now. But I guess that's a way I can show them my appreciation - by telling them how I'm doing...

Anyway, I had debated on posting about my mother's death on my blog. Claudine was pretty against it. Fatima liked what I had wrote, and even wanted to post herself. But I decided to write about it, because so many of you had taken journey with me, from when I had found out that my mother's cancer had returned, to the times I went home to visit her. It only felt right to post it, since in a way, you all are family.

But I don't think I expected the response that I got. I didn't think that so many people would comment, or send cards, or call, or email me their own experiences. People I never expected emailed me to offer condolences. Friends I hadn't seen in years came to the wake. During the hardest time in my life, I was surrounded by the love of my friends and family. I don't think I can even put into words how much I appreciate it. Maybe that's why I babble on and on, because I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe people will understand what a wreck I would have been if not for the shoulders to cry on that people offered to me. I may not have taken them up on it, but it helped to know that they were there if I needed it.

Some knew what I was going through - friends that had lost a parent, and I think those were the people I connected with the most. I had gone to the funeral's of friends' parents, and looking back, I would never of fathomed the pain that they were going through. But now I do. There was a look in their eyes when I saw them at the wake, an understanding in their emails - that told me that they understood my grief. But even those that never went through it, who gave extra long hugs, who stood by my side, those meant so much to me.

Um...yeah, so what was I getting at?

Oh yeah...

Thank you to everyone out there. I may not get to it today, I may not get to it this week, this month, or this year, but I'll get to replying to you all. Because you all helped me through this tough time, which I know isn't going to last forever, but it will never be the same. But that's ok, because I know there are people there looking out for me.

Thanks.

Stole this Monday Madness from Noelle. I know it's a day late, but oh well!

All you have to do for this week's questions is put a number (1-10) as your answer; 1 being worse or lowest, 10 being best or highest. Let's have some fun! The following questions all begin with...
On a scale from one to ten.........

1. How proficient are you in typing? 8, but I gotta look at the keys
2. How well-organized are you? 3. I aspire to someday be struck by lightning and suddenly have the organization skills of the love child of the Queer Eye guys and Martha Stewart.
3. How adventurous are you? 7. Semi-adventurous.
4. How cool is the outfit that you're wearing right now? 1. Why? I was really hungry, and decided to go grab something at Del Taco. Since I didn't bring a jacket with me to the Oaks, I threw on a long sleeved shirt I wore for work. Not til I got home did I realize it was on inside out.
5. How well do you sing in the shower? 5. I'm a shower-whisperer. Afraid the neighbors will hear!
6. How cool do your kids think you are? N/A, but if I had some, it would be an 8, because I would pay them off to say that.
7. How well do you manage your money? 3. Money? What's that?
8. How efficient are you when it comes to meeting deadlines? 4. I'm notorious for being late.
9. How much do you like winter? 8. I love winter, except for the shoveling and needle biting winds of Chicago.
10. How big of a 'pack-rat' are you? 11. I like to call myself a Pack-Wombat, which is a rodent much bigger than a rat.

OK, I've finally added my Marquette gallery. Click on the pretty picture for the gallery. Sorry to you dialup peeps, this graphic is kinda big, but any smaller and it wouldn't be as cool. ;)

There's a lot of pictures in there, I know. Most of them are just OK, but I think there's a few in there at are really good. But then again, when you take 400+ pictures at an event, you would hope that at least one or two turn out really good! I believe in quantity, with the hope of catching some quality in there. These buggers move too fast for my so-so camera to really catch any quality shots.

So I hope you like them, whether or not you're a short track fan or not.

Galleries coming soon:
Updated Bay City
Updated SLC
The return of the Milwaukee gallery
and....the long awaited WEDDING gallery! Yes, I know you guys have been waiting for it....(LARA). There are just so many pictures I don't even know where to start!

I know a lot of this isn't going to make sense, or may be inside jokes, but hell, it's my blog, so I'll put in what I want! It's really long, so if you don't get bored after the first few paragraphs, feel free to continue by clicking on the link below. Without further adieu, here it is:

- I flew in and my plane got in late at night. Our shuttle also had a pick up for the flight after mine, so we waited. While we waited, our driver told us his life story and we gave him some consolation about his upcoming divorce, and he gave us some advice about marriage.

- Unfortunately, the flight after us was WAY delayed. But you know what totally made up for it? It was Yang Yang A we were waiting for. I was giddy like a little schoolgirl. She was very nice, and amazingly beautiful. Those helmets don't do her justice at all.

- Friday morning, me and my roomie Bernadette went to breakfast with Noelle, Corin, Torrie, Denise and Susan at Tommy's. We had a lot of good laughs, and we were really excited about the upcoming races. I don't know if it was senior citizen's day at Tommy's or what, but the average age in there was about 70. I think we were the only ones there outside of Butta and Tysha who DIDN'T get the discount.

- I love our little short track family. Coming to these things is like a mix between going to Thanksgiving Dinner at grandma's, going to your 10 year high school reunion, and spending quality time with your teenage cousin. There are so many different kinds of fans out there, from different backgrounds, from different locations, each with a different reason why they came to Marquette, whether it be because of a love of short track, or of one particular skater, or just to come out and see the circus that is short track fandom. We all came, we had a good time. True, it wasn't one big group of fans that hung out together all the time, and I would be lying if I said everyone gets along. Because they don't. Too many different and strong personalities. But everyone was happy with their own group, and there's a single purpose that brought everyone together, and that's good enough, because it looks like everyone had a great and memorable time. And nothing could beat the enthusiasm that each one brought to Marquette. We were crazy fans, and we loved it. It was truly wonderful to see everyone again, whether I talked to them or not. I apologize if I didn't, but most of the time the time didn't feel right, or I was just too shy to approach people to talk, just as people were too shy to come up to me I later found out. I just hid behind my camera most of the time. Or my laptop. But to those of you who did say hello, thank you. It was great to finally meet Monique, Tysha, Lucinda, Sue and Jill for the first time. And I can't tell you how much it meant to me to have people ask about my mother and how she was doing. Probably the top two questions people were asking were 'How's your mom doing?' and 'So how's married life?' Sooz even went so far as to tell me to come to the next competition with a little one in the oven. We're working on it, Sooz.


- There was some AMAZING racing in Marquette. The Koreans were definitely a force to be reckoned with. Ahn and Choi seemed almost unstoppable (almost). And I had never thought that the ice in Marquette was known to be particularly fast, but there were a couple records broken - the top 4 finishers in the 1500m all beat the world record. When I heard that Korea, China, Italy, Canada, and Japan were all going to be in attendance in Marquette, I knew we'd have some good races. I was a little concerned for the US team, since all the major players would be there, so it would be a lot harder than SLC, but we did well enough to have Apolo and Rusty in the 3000m. And both of them did extremely well. The 1000m final was great to watch - when Apolo and Rusty came in and broke up the Korean chain the crowd was roaring. The 3000m was an excellent race, as well, with two Koreans, two Canadians and two Americans. But probably the most exciting was the men's relay final, with Korea, Japan, Canada and China. All the teams were close throughout the whole 45 laps, and it was a clean race, with no DQ's and no falls. Watching Korea and Canada switch leads in the last laps had the crowd screaming and biting it's nails.

- Some people may say I got a media pass so I could get kickass seats. Or so I could be closer to cute guys in skinsuits. Or have an excuse to talk to a cute guy in a skinsuit. Or so I can sit in on the press conferences. Or because I needed the i