I was going to post today, but since today was the 9th day after my mother's death, we had a LOT of people over. I don't know why it is that way, but Filipinos always have a big prayer fest and gathering on the 9th day after someone's death. If someone out there knows why, please tell me. I'm too lazy to ask or look it up.

Anyway, my tiny house was PACKED with people. All the titas (aunts) and lolas (grandmothers) were in the living room and dining room, and all the titos (uncles) were in the kitchen. And my room became a cousin refugee camp, because there was no where else to go.

But the food was good. That's all that matters. Even though I haven't seen this many people in my house since Fatima's graduation party, and maybe even longer than that!

We've had people at our house every day for the past 9 days, and tomorrow, it ends. We're on our own after that. But I know we'll be okay once we all go our separate ways. I'll make sure to check in on my daddy and sister often.

Oh look, I said I wasn't going to post, and here's a post. Hmm. Funny.

Anyway, here's the original intention of this post, this week's Unconscious Mutterings.

1. Scrooge:: McDuck
2. Ribbon:: Pink
3. Physical:: Pain
4. Income:: Tax
5. Dream:: Sequence
6. Notebook:: Lines
7. Disney:: Quest
8. Combo:: Pizza
9. Booty:: Shakin'
10. Skin:: Tight

Flowers on My Mother's Gravesite

I heard the word in a reading today that they were using at my mother's funeral, and it felt like it accurately described the way I was feeling. Today was a really hard day, since it was the funeral. It was hard to say one last goodbye to my mom as they closed the casket. It was hard to watch the pallbearers, my male cousins and Dave, carry the casket to the hearse.

At the church, when I was walking back to my pew after communion, I looked out to see who came to the mass, and was surprised and choked up to see the church filled. There were more people there than attend the regular Sunday mass at my church. When we came out, the parking lot was full of cars. Maui drove the car I was in, and the rest of the family drove in the car in front of us. We passed by the house, one last time. I was thinking to myself, "I wonder if Ewok (my dog) will be in the window to say goodbye...." but as the hearse approached, I didn't see him. So then in the car in front of me, Fatima stuck out her head and yelled "Ewok!!!" and there he was, looking out in the window. I don't know if he knew what was going on, but I was reassured knowing that he was there.

We headed to the cemetary, our caravan of cars. In the end, the number of cars in the procession totalled about 75 cars. I apologize to anyone that was caught in our traffic on Milwaukee Avenue. But it was great to see, so many people turning out for my mom. Being at the gravesite was so hard for us, it felt so final. A lot of things hit me then, how much I would miss my mom, and that this all was really happening. I didn't even bother to stop the tears, I just let them flow. As I heard the cries of my aunts, the sighs and the cries to my mother being said as she was put into the ground, I thought how accurately their wails echoed the torment in my heart, how I wanted to cry out with them, "Mommy, I'll miss you....I love you...." I just looked around me and felt saw such grief in the eyes of the people I loved, the sadness I felt was overwhelming.

So now is when we start to heal. I'm lucky, because we all get to do it together. We started already today, sharing funny stories and laughing a lot. We've all grown closer, thanks to Mommy, and she would have wanted it this way.

Tomorrow, happier thoughts. This blog is getting WAY too depressing, I know!

We had the wake again today, and after the prayer service, each one of us said a few words about my mom. It was a definite tear-fest for everyone in the room. I even made the tough guys in the back cry. But it was so beautiful to hear my sister's words about my mommy, and my cousins and aunt speak about her too. I could hardly get mine out in between sobs, but I got through it. The biggest shocker for us was when my dad got up there and spoke, and brought down the house with some funny recollections about him and my mom's longaniza (filipino sausage) making days....We were so impressed - we had never seen our dad speak publicly before, and he was a natural, keeping it all together, and saying that seeing me and my sisters break down gave him the courage to get up there and speak without breakind down himself. It was a wonderful tribute to my mother.

So anyway, here's mine. It's pretty long, but if you're a reader of my blog, you should know that I'm not one to use a few words for anything!

Well, it's our first Thanksgiving without her. We're doing ok, getting ready for our traditional Thanksgiving with the family so we've been busy all day. So things go ok until we stop moving, then we start to think. The motto me and my sisters have adopted today was 'Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming!' Keep moving and we won't start getting all teary eyed. Except when we watch the Maury Povich 'Best Tearjerking Episodes' special.

Yesterday was pretty tough, having the first day of the wake. But it was so awesome to see the amount of people that turned out. We had two rooms and they were entirely filled, we even had people standing out in the hallways. It was definitely a full house. There were so many people that we knew that were there, and people we hadn't seen in ages that came to pay their respects. A lot of our college friends from U of I came. With Maui being the oldest U of I there, and a freshman in the room, that's 10 years of U of I people there. Marian even said, 'It feels like a Ginseng party in here!' I'm so thankful that so many of my old friends came, and even though I know that they didn't know what to say, having them there was enough.

When my mom passed away, we all sat together and decided to have the wake on Wednesday and Friday. "If we have it on those days, then we can't have a Thanksgiving party," they told us kids. But then we realized that my mom would have wanted us to go on. "OK, we'll have a get together, but we'll keep it small and intimate. Just us." We looked around, and that "us" was the same group that we always celebrate Thanksgiving with anyway - the same 30-ish people.

So we're moving on, celebrating Thanksgiving, with our fried turkey and pot roast, just like always. But in the back of our minds we're remembering a great woman that we miss a lot.

So today, I'm thankful for my family, I'm thankful for a husband who has been there for me, I'm thankful for my friends who have supported me, I'm thankful to have been blessed with a good life and to have a mother who loved me and taught me how to love.

And, on a related but separate note, I'm happy that I'm still the Tony Hawk MASTER. Readers may remember long ago that I have not yet met someone who can consistently beat me at Tony Hawk on PS2, and I was worried when my cousins told me that they play Tony Hawk's Underground. I've never played it before, so I thought that I wouldn't do as well. It's still got the same button combinations, so I was able to whoop my cousin Marlon's ass. Yeah. The girl's still got it. Now I just have to play my cousin Jeff. He's been a videogame freak since we were little, so he will be a formidable opponent. We'll see what happens!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

We're going through pictures for a collage that we're making for the wake tomorrow (today actually). It's so fun to relive all the memories and to see ourselves and our parents when they were young. I've found a couple albums that I've never seen before of when my mom first came to the US. It's pretty incredible to imagine what she went through, coming to a new country, making a new start for herself, meeting all these other Filipinos that had just come over. Her and my aunts all looked so young. It's hard to imagine her so young and carefree!

And I also saw some of my childhood photos. If I had a scanner here, I'd post up some old pictures of you that'll keep you laughing well into the next century. I was NOT an attractive kid. I was pretty cross-eyed when I was born, which makes for a myriad of bad, funny pictures. When I got older, I had bug eyes, HUGE glasses and the ugliest haircuts imaginable. Not to mention my Michael Jackson-esque afro in fourth grade. Claudine and Fatima were ADORABLE kids. They just had the cutest faces all the time. Well, Claudine did have a couple with her eyes rolled behind her head. But me, I was just the one with the bad hair who never smiled with her teeth. It was neat, though, to see that my cousin Maui also had his share of bad haircuts and awful eyeglass frame choices.

But we all got a good laugh out of them. Maybe during Thankgiving I'll go over to Melanie's and scan some pics for y'all.

Me and my sisters sat in tears huddled around my laptop yesterday, on our slow-ass dialup (we've been trying to get Fata's computer to connect to AOL DSL, but to no avail). We read all the comments that everyone made, looked at other people's blogs, and read everyone's wonderful emails. Thanks so much for the wonderful outpouring of support.

This poem on Chariya's blog hit us especially hard, because it put into words a lot of what we're going through....

God saw her getting tired,
And her cure was not to be,
So he put his arms around her,
And whispered come with me,
With tearful eyes we watched her,
And saw her pass away,
All though we loved her dearly,
We could not make her stay,
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands at rest,
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
That He only takes the best!

Whew!

Here's something to lighten things up.

Dave's in Cali, couldn't take time off.

So I'm twenty-something, staying at home, sleeping in a full bed with my 25 two twenty-something sisters. Isn't that hilarious? We're like little enchiladas in pan.

Filipinos are a really superstitious bunch. Our folklore is rich with stories of ghosts, goblins and giants. I remember when my grandmother died, there were whispers of many strange occurances after her death, and even I experienced something strange.

So when my mother passed away, I was waiting for something to happen. I think we all were. And, in a way, something did. You can chalk it up to coincidence, you can say it's paranoia, you can say we're making these things more than they are, but all in all, it makes for a pretty good story. Well, a couple good stories.

- When we got home from the hospital, the phone rang. I looked at Claudine and said, 'Here we go...', referring to the onslaught of phone calls that we would be getting. I picked up the phone, and no answer. Since then, we've gotten about 6 calls a day that were just hang-ups.

- At around 3 in the morning for the last couple days (since my mom's death), my mother's brother would get phone calls. His wife, who was very close to my mom would pick it up and there would be no one on the other end of the line. But in the background she could hear the sounds of a hospital (my aunt works in a hospital). Caller ID would say 'unknown number'.

- My godfather had come home to call my cousin (his daughter) in Brazil to tell her the news. After a tearful goodbye, he got up to go back to my house. As he was almost out the door, the phone rang again. He picked it up and said, 'Hello'. There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. He said 'Hello' again, and on the other end of the line he heard a quiet, scratchy, 'Hello? Hello?' The voice to him was an all too familiar voice - my mom's. He knew that because my mom's voice was unmistakable - her vocal cords were damaged so she had this faint scratchy quality to her voice that made it difficult for her to talk. He went immediately back to the house and told the story, shaking and definitely spooked.

- Before she passed away, my father took off my mom's glasses, wrapped them in a paper towel and stuck it in his pocket. After she passed, when we came home, my father was putting all my mom's things together. He couldn't find the glasses. We looked all around, asked everyone, but no one knew where it was. The next day, we were about to eat lunch. We heard the doorbell. My dad and my sisters went to see who it was, but there was no one there. We then ate lunch. After lunch, Claudine went to Ewok's box to get his food. She saw something wrapped in a paper towel in the box where we keep his food and toys. She pulled it out, and there were my mom's glasses. No one put them there, and Ewok isn't tall enough to reach the box.

- As I said, we have people over all the time. Sunday night, the family came over again. Fatima went into the bathroom. She came out, and asked my dad, 'Who put Mommy's toothbrush on the sink?' He didn't know. He asked around. Her toothbrush had been kept in a plastic bag with the rest of her belongings, which were in my dad's bedroom. There was no explanation for how the toothbrush got onto the sink. Claudine had cleaned out the bathroom earlier that day and never saw it.

- Remember my cousin Marilyn - the one who saw ghosts when she was a kid? Well, after we got home from the hospital, we were so physically and emotionally exhausted that many of us took a group map in the living room of my house. When Marilyn woke up, she came up to me and Fatima and asked, 'Do you still have the jewelry box in the basement?' Fatima said yes. Marilyn then told us that she had a dream where she was talking to my mother, and my mother took her to the jewelry box. When Marilyn was little, she loved a pair of earrings that were in that box, and the matching ring. My mother gave her the earrings, but said that the ring was too big to fit her, but when she got older she could have it. Marilyn had forgotten about it, but was reminded in her dream. In the dream, my mother said that she could have the ring now, because it fits her. Marilyn and Fatima went down to the basement and looked at the jewelry box. No ring. Marilyn was relieved. Then Fatima mentioned that my mom had an identical jewelry box in her bedroom. She took Marilyn up to my mom's room and opened the jewelry box. They opened the ring drawer, and there was the ring, right on top. Marilyn has officially been renamed 'Creepy Cousin Marilyn'.

- I've always been superstitious about the third day after someone's death. I think that's because my aunts and uncles always told stories of weird things happening on the third day - just like how Jesus rose on the third day. It's a Filipino thing, I guess. Anyway, I was at work yesterday, and I was thinking, 'This is the third day...wonder if anything is going to happen.' But to me, nothing did. But when I got home, Claudine told Fatima to tell me her story. Fatima had gone out to lunch with a friend, while the rest of the family was shopping for supplies. She came home at around 11am, and as she was unlocking the door, she could hear the answering machine going off. Once she came in, all she heard was classical music coming out of the answering machine. She thought that it was someone who put the phone on hold and went around the house putting things away, waiting for someone to speak. But no one ever did. The music went on for about 3 minutes before Fatima picked up the phone and said 'Hello'. And the music kept on going on. Creeped out, Fatima hung up the phone. When she told me that story, I realized that at 11am that morning was almost exactly 3 days after my mom died.

Kinda sends shivers up your spine, no? They're just stories and coincidences, I know, but even though it's a little creepy, it's nice to know that maybe, just maybe, my mom is sending us little signals from beyond.

Just something to start bring this blog back to its normal state, and to take my mind off things...

The Friday Five
(Known today as the Tuesday Five)

1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.
1) Learn how to cook at least 10 dishes well
2) Finish up all the pages on my site
3) Get a desk
4) Go to the health club more than once a month
5) Pick up enough miles to fly to Europe first class

2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.
All the people I was friends with in high school

3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.
1) Play the guitar
2) Ice skate
3) Cook
4) Speak Japanese, French and Tagalog
5) Drive stick

4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).
1) Pay off my sisters' and Dave's school debts
2) Fly around the world
3) Buy a kick ass house with a pool, tennis courts, bowling alley and personal movie theater, hell, if there's no limit, I'll buy the whole freakin' neighborhood so all my cousins and friends can live there, too
4) Give a fat wad to charities, like the American Cancer Society, Gilda's Club, Make a Wish, Ronald McDonald House, ACTOR: A Commitment to Our Roots and Gallery37
5) Go into space. I just wanna see the view.

5. List five things you do that help you relax.
1) Sleep
2) Playstation
3) Work on my page
4) Take pictures/Modify Pictures
5) Watch TV

Unconscious Mutterings

Concert::Symphony
Sydney::Australia
Shower::Wedding
Patterns::Sewing
Market::Street
Chair::Desk
London::England
Reception::Wedding
Republican::Party
Cough::Drops

more later today....

Thank you so much to everyone for their comments below, emails, cards and phone calls. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful and caring internet family. Through this all, you have given me so much support, and I'm so thankful for all of your kind words. You don't know how much it means to me and my family.

First things first, here's all the information about the funeral arrangements:

You know, it's so strange to have to go and make funeral arrangements. Luckily for us, my mother had talked it over with my father and Fatima and made most of the arrangements herself, so we were just left to telling the funeral director the things on my mother's list. I don't know how she could have done it, from picking out the type of coffin to deciding what she wanted to wear, to when she wanted the funeral to be. When we came to a decision that she didn't make, like what to put on the prayer cards, we were lost.

The last couple days have been a daze for me. My family is doing pretty well, though you can see that beneath the surface of smiles and 'Thank you, we're getting along okay', we're barely holding it together. I'm constantly on the brink of crying, and anything can set off the flow of tears, which I have mastered the art of stopping before they actually fall. My life has been a series of 'firsts'. The first time we came home after the hospital, knowing she would never come home again. Our first night without her. The first time we went to church without her. Thanksgiving. Christmas, and our annual family picture. Things that will never be the same for us.

Through all this, I am thankful for our family and friends, who have been at our sides all the time. Our house is constantly full of people, our phone rings off the hook. They help us to remember her by telling stories of my mom's life, and it makes the pain a little less. We've cried a little, we've laughed a lot, which is how she would have wanted it. It's great to be surrounded by love.

I guess the hardest time is at night, when everyone goes home, when we're just left on our own. That's the time that your mind really starts dwelling on it and thinking too much, the pain comes back and you start to feel how much of a part of your life is gone. Sure, she's definitely in a better place, but here on earth, there is a hole in our lives that she has left. She's still in our hearts, but we have to get used to the fact that she's no longer in our lives.

I hope that my mother's Heaven is a good place. Because, it's a given that she's in Heaven, there is no one else I know who deserves to be there than her. And I hope that in her Heaven she can see us, and feel the love and loss that we feel in her passing. That Heaven is filled with the things that she loves most - the love of her family and friends surrounding her, 'Wheel of Fortune' playing all the time, the Bulls still being a Championship team, 50% off clearance prices at the stores, pantyhose that never runs, broadway musicials, food so good that she forgets her name, the smell of roses, and peace. She's looking down on us, I can feel it, and I know she's smiling.

My mother passed away at around 11am yesterday, November 22nd.

I got the call on Thursday. Claudine called me while I was working, and said, "I'm sorry for calling you at work, but Daddy wants you to call him at the hospital." My heart sank. I called the hospital. My father's voice was very controlled as he spoke to me. "Christine, can you come home tonight?"

Now the last time I went home, my father had called, and I had asked him if I needed to go home, and he said it was my decision. This time, I didn't have to ask. I knew that I had to go home.

He explained little of what was going on, other than he didn't know if she was going to last the night and to come home as soon as possible.

I left work and started the 3 hour drive home. I called my sister and she told me to be careful driving home. I couldn't control the tears from flowing as I drove home in heavy traffic. I would be blotting one eye and keeping the other on the road, then switching. My body was racked with sobs and I came to terms with what was going to happen. I prayed that my mom would wait until me and Claudine came home. A million thoughts raced through my head. The first ones were selfish, my mom wouldn't see her first grandchild, she wouldn't see Claudine or Fatima get married, never see Claudine graduate from med school, or me and Dave get our first house. I thought of how my life would be without my mom, how my whole family's life would be. Thanksgiving, Christmas, even just coming home and knowing that she won't be there. It tore me apart. Over the last few months I've been coming to terms with the reality that my mother would be passing away, but it really hit me then. Then I realized what a full life she had led, raising three daughters that were good children, having a loving husband who stood by her through thick and thin, having a loving, supporting group of family and friends that have been with her and praying for her throughout this whole ordeal. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. As soon as I would get it under control, I would start thinking again, and the sobs would come right back.

Luckily, I got a flight home later that night that would bring me into Chicago early in the morning. Claudine was also lucky enough to get an early flight out of Des Moines. We came home on Friday morning, and went to the hospital.

It was hard to go back to the hospital. When I had left before, she had been doing so well, she was getting so strong, she was even going to go home. But then she had some complications and her condition worsened. She was happy to see me and Claudine again. We stayed with her most of Friday, and had a flurry of family come and visit. We knew the end was close, and so did she. Since she was on a respirator and her lungs were in such bad condition, she was unable to speak, so we were left to try reading her lips, which was frustrating on both sides. We said what we needed to say to her, not knowing when she would be conscious again or how much time was left, and she talked to each one of us, including my cousins and my aunts. There were many tears shed, but it was beautiful to see how many people's lives she had touched.

Me and my sisters went home to get some rest, and our cousins came to be with us. It felt good to all be together. In the morning, we left early to the hospital to say goodbye. We stayed in the room, as more and more people came in to be with my mom in her last moments. She was surrounded by family and friends. There were about 30 people in the room when my mother passed on, and when the moment happened, the room filled with tears. Everyone grieved in their own way, some having silent tears fall down their cheeks, some turning to hide their tears, some sobbing so hard they could not breathe. My heart was broken a thousand times watching it all, most of all my father, trying to be strong for all of us. I tried to be strong, but during the last moments, just seeing the emotions produced by everyone else, and when she finally breathed her last, I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I held her hand, and I never wanted to let go of it, thinking that by holding on I could still keep her with me. We all hugged each other and we cried together, mourning the passing of a woman we had all come to love.

My mommy wasn't only a mother to just me and my sisters. Ever read the book 'The Joy Luck Club'? I don't have just one mother, I've got several. Five families bringing up their children together. So my mom didn't leave behind 3 children, she left behind all my cousins (well, pseudo cousins), too. And all her best friends were like sisters to her. Women that she met when she came to this country, more than 30 years ago, who she has shared so many of life's events with, raised her children with, and yes, even playing mah-jong at every family party with. This is the first time that any of our families have experienced something like this, so they all took it hard. She was loved by so many, she had touched so many lives, and she herself had led a good, full life filled with love and laughter.

So now, it's all over. Her pain, her struggle, the difficult fight against cancer and everything related, it's the end. And in the end, she still never thought of herself. She said that with her passing, my dad would now be able to rest (he has stayed by her side through all of this). She asked my uncles to take care of my father. She asked Dave to take care of me. She asked my aunts to take care of my sisters. She made sure that my little cousin 'is a good girl' and finishes highschool, and she told my other cousin to go back and finish college no matter what. She made each and every one of us know that she loved us and will continue to love us. She was actually comforting those of us that couldn't bear to see her in this condition. Her strength and courage was incredible, the way she lived life was something to learn from. I could only hope to be even half the woman my mother was, to be loved the way she was loved by her husband, children, family and friends.

So goodbye Mommy. We all love you. We're all doing OK, we're all together, and we're taking care of each other, just like you wanted. We miss you so much already. Our lives won't be the same without you.

Can't Cry Hard Enough
--the Williams Brothers

I'm gonna live my life
like every days' the last
without a simple goodbye it all goes by so fast

and now that you're gone I can't cry heard enough
I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

gonna open my eyes and see for the first time
I've let go of you like
a child letting go of his kite

There it goes up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough for you to hear me now

gonna look back in vain and see you standing there
when all that remains is just an empty chair
anad now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough, I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough, no I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

Man, how could I almost forget to post this...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELANIE!!!!!

I miss you, lady! Next time I come home we gotta go get some sushi!

It looks like the US short track team is heading out to Korea. I'm pretty concerned about them, in light of the death threats that have plagued Apolo's fan sites (and I'm sure his official site as well). He's not a popular guy out there, even beating out Osama Bin Laden in a poll for the most hated person in Korea. That's pretty big stuff.

Welcome Mat Pulled for Ohno

Ohno Threats May Lead to Action by FBI

Since everyone else is having an Apolo love fest, I thought I'd give you all a preview of my Marquette pics...

And since the rest of the team is heading out there, here's a couple of my favorites of everyone else...

The whole team is in my thoughts during the world cups. I wish they didn't have to go, but I'm sure they wouldn't go if they weren't sure of their safety...

So I'll just say a little prayer for their safe return, til the day I can watch them skate again...

Yano.

Needs.

To.

Learn.

To.

Read.

Directions.

Sorry for problems with the comments, everyone....I have our best technical support reps at yanowhatimean on it!

Which is me.

Yes.

I'm doomed.

Hold your breath everyone, I'm going to upgrade my Moveable Type. Cross your fingers that I don't bring this baby down!!!

If it does go down, remember, I love you.

You know, I'm always looking for a good book to read when I travel or during my non-existent free time. (except when I'm in the middle of nowhere) I've always been a bookworm, and I love to talk about good books. We used to have a book club at the office, but it kind of fizzled out.

So I was wondering, are any of you interested in joining an online book club? I was thinking of having it in blog format, with each post being a book and a listing of books to talk/comment about on the side. There's a lot of good books out there, and there's a lot of people there with opinions, so I think it would be a lot of fun and a nice change of pace from our other activities.

I'm also looking for moderators for the book club, to post up books and keep the conversation going, so if you're interested just email me.

So if this sounds like something that you'd like to do, let me hear ya! It'll be open to everyone, not just readers of this site, but to anyone who loves books. I think it would be a lot of fun. If I get 5 or more people, I'll start it up...

Thanks to the lovely Lea for sending this one over...

In the words of Mother Theresa, whose actions I had always admired and tried to emulate, but without much success. But she was old. I'm young. I still have time to get to that level. I'm trying, I really am. Kinda. Anyway, it's about priorities, which I always have a problem figuring out...

This was written by Mother Theresa and is engraved on the wall of her
home for children in Calcutta.

As you can tell by the 4 posts I've made in the last 5 hours, I'm really bored. I'm sitting here in a HUGE hotel room with nothing to do, but I can't sleep. I always have problems sleeping on the road. I'm a bit homesick for my place in Long Beach and for Dave, and it doesn't make it any better that I don't really have too much interaction at the client I'm with right now, so for most of the day I'm just working by myself. It gets kind of lonely and makes me really restless. I feel like I'm starving for some sort of human interaction.

And for some reason there's some weird sinking feeling in my stomach. There's a lot of things going on in my life, some you know, some you don't. And when you're alone, you get a lot of time to think. I worry, I'm always worrying, anyone who knows me knows I constantly worry. I'm worried about my mom. I worry about being a good wife to Dave, affording a house next year, doing well at my client site, the US team going to South Korea, people I like not getting along, people not liking me for reason's I can't figure out, not being able to go home for Thanksgiving, losing my appetite, being away from the apartment all the time, being homesick for Chicago all the time, and more...there's a lot of stuff. I don't know why I let little things bother me and stress me out. I'm tired, and I'm worn out. There are a million things going through my mind right now. It's even worse because I don't have anyone to really interact with here.

I'm counting the seconds until the weekend. It can't come soon enough!

Now give me mah sugah!

Haven't done this one before...

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Plan B:: Plan A
2. Seattle:: Yuki
3. The lady wore:: Red
4. Upsetting:: Stomach
5. Tampon:: String
6. Celebrity:: Skin
7. Baja:: Chalupa
8. 64:: Nintendo
9. RGB:: Color
10. Milkshake::Song

Reading Pleasures

The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

This is a great book, and so different from most other books I've read. The book is narrarated by Susie, a young girl who, as we find out in the first chapter, has been brutally murdered. She narrarates from Heaven, looking down below at the world she has left. She watches over the lives of the people she has left behind - the father who will not stop until he finds Susie's murderer, her sister who closes herself from any emotion, the boy who loved Susie, and even her murderer. Susie knows who her murderer is, as does the reader, but the people in her life have no idea, and Susie has no way of telling them. She's up in her heaven, staying the same as the people left behind her grieve and move on and grow old, but never forgetting her in an unending search for closure.

The story is beautifully written, and it's haunting watching the lives of the people Susie knew each deal in their own way with their grief. Sebold pulls no punches, walking us through the horrific way that Susie dies, and how everyone grieves in their own way. I couldn't read this book fast enough, it's definitely something I would recommend!

song stuck in my head

'Milkshake' - Kelis

"My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard, And they're like, it's better than yours, Damn right its better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge!" How could you not love this song? It hardly makes any sense, but it's got a hot beat. *shakes her ass* Finally, I've found out what it is that brings all those boys to my yard every day. It's my milkshake, baby! Shake, shake shake it like a polaroid picture. I know, wrong song. Those Neptunes know how to work magic, baby!

Here's what a Milkshake is, if you're looking...

at the movies

Mulholland Drive

I rented Mulholland Drive several months ago, but only got about halfway since the DVD was scratched up. So last week I finally rented it again. And in a way, I think I was better off with just watching half the movie because at the end of the movie, only one thought rang through my head - 'What the fuck was that?' I was confused. Two-thirds of the way through the movie, it completely changes and you're questioning everything you had seen previous to that. I admit, though, I liked the movie. Only David Lynch can have me love something as disjointed, quirky and trippy as this, but then again, I watched all of the 'Twin Peaks' episodes and bought the sound track. Yes, I can even play the song on the piano. Anyway, once I searched the internet a bit for some enlightenment and to answer the questions that raged in my head, everything made almost perfect sense. Not. But at least it answered some questions. And Naomi Watts had an excellent performance, which is even better once you realize what's going on. And yes, Dave appreciated the lesbian scenes. As a matter of fact, those were the only scenes he watched during the movie.

comic you should be reading

Aspen #1

I may have mentioned this comic before, but it's FINALLY out in stores. I think it's selling like hotcakes, so make sure to get a copy. Aspen #1 is Michael Turner's last Fathom arc before Talent Caldwell takes the helm. Hopefully there will be some answers about Aspen's past. There's also some great sketch previews of upcoming Aspen MLT books Ekos and Soulfire, as well as interviews. I already have a couple copies of #1 from the Chicago convention (and #2) so I'm really anticipating Aspen #3. The rest of the Aspen books will be out within the next few months, so buy them!

yummy for my tummy

Ho-Ho's

Oh heavenly chocolatey cream filled rolls of cakey sweetness, I love you so!

addiction

Picture Gallery

I've been trying to get my picture galleries reformatted because since the bog blog change, the galleries look like crap. So within the next couple weeks, you'll see some fun changes in the picture gallery. Hopefully.

New Links

Aaron - Even Uppity Negroes need love, too.
Luna - Didn't know that this girl was as ghetto as she was til I read her blog!
Pat - Comic book geeks unite! Pat rocks!
Rosie - Co-Coordinator of the worst PSA dance scene ever! But we had lots of fun not working on it!
Stephani - She's good at helping me out with drunk people!

Hmm...things have been pretty tense around my 'pretend' internet world...so I thought I would throw in a little bit of happiness...

I haven't written up my 'wedding memoirs' yet, but it will be here in the coming months, but I'll share a couple happy memories from it, forgive me if I've already talked about it...

- At the church, there was a bride's room, where the brides can sit before the ceremony. It had curtains, and if you peeked from around the curtains, you could see into the church. Of course, I peeked. By this time, everyone else had lined up and it was just me and Jaygee, my maid of honor. I was looking at the church and was so happy to see so many people come, but I couldn't find Dave. 'Where's Dave?' I asked Jaygee. She looked out, and she couldn't find him either. I went into a mini-panic. Then she whispered, 'I see him now!' 'Where! Where!' I cried, looking. 'Look really hard...' she replied. Then I saw him, standing at the side of the church with his brother, so handsome in his tuxedo, and looking a bit anxious. Then I started crying. 'Don't cry!' Jaygee squealed, grabbing some tissue. 'Blot, don't wipe!' she ordered. I don't know what came over me. I think it was a realization that, yeah, my soon-to-be husband was out there waiting for me. And I was just happy.

- During the wedding, we did the presentation of flowers to the Virgin Mary. That's when the bride and groom go to the statue of Mary and give her flowers as someone sings a Mary-centric song in the background. So me and Dave walked over to the statue, as the cantor sang a lovely rendition of Ave Maria. We knelt in prayer. And then we started whispering:

Me: Wow, this ceremony is long
Dave: Yeah, I didn't think it would take so long
Me: It's because there were so many people in the communion line
Dave: We need to get out of here soon, we're not going to have much time at Wrigley
Me: Oh yeah! And we still have to take pictures.
(meanwhile, the whole church thinks we are deep in prayer)
Dave: Yeah!
Me: How long is this song?
Dave: I dunno, it's been a while already
Me: Let's just get up and go
Dave: OK.

So we got up and went back to our places. I don't know if the lady finished the song or not, but we were on a schedule!!!

So I'm back in the 'Oaks, as I call it now, and I had to go through new employee orientation today for CompanyX that I'm working for til the end of the year. I still work work X-Systems, but I'm now a contractor for our California client.

Orientation was kinda weird. I've never worked for any other company than X-Systems, and I never had to do the corporate Orientation dog and pony show. So today's deal was pretty boring for me, but I did make a new friend. It felt like high school all over again. All the popular kids who already knew each other on one side laughing and giggling, and the kids who were shy and didn't know anyone on the other (me). Luckily I met this gal from Michigan who just moved here, and we had the instant midwest bond.

So we went over internet security, passwords, company standards, maps, where the cafeteria is, etc. Blah blah blah. Then I had to get my picture taken for my security pass. It figures that the one day I wake up late and can't shower is the day that my ratty ass haircut stands on end like Alfalfa for the picture. I was able to suppress it, but the picture is 'eh'.

So now I have my own NT login ID, my own email address, cubicle, phone, voicemail, computer, all the works, at Company-X. But it's just not the same as working with the guys at X-Systems. I really miss you guys at work.

----

Meanwhile, on the other side of the earth, South Koreans threaten Apolo's life as the gals spit harsh words at each other on the OZ. Two conversations going on at once on completely different subjects, yet revolving around one young man. One is quite amusing while the other is sad, really disturbing and scary. And in a way, I'm sad that the we're caught in this state, bickering with each other while the Koreans just hack away and threaten us as well as the skaters that will be going to Korea next month. It happened almost 2 years ago, get over it! What the hell is going on?

*runs around to see who is blasting who on each other's blogs*

update: hardly anyone is! you guys are no fun. *evil grin*

I'm watching them right now. Have you seen them? The red carpet party was ok, Monica did a much better job than Lance Bass, who looked a little flustered and nervous at times, but the other guy (who I have no idea who he is) was just plain annoying. I also think it's kinda weird having so many TV personalities giving awards. Never thought I'd see Dennis Franz giving out an award there. Britney's set was OK, but I think her outfit was so tight she couldn't really dance too well, she seemed kind of restrained in her dancing. That, and I could hardly see any of the routine because the cameras kept on switching. Avril Lavigne...where's SHE been?!? Poor Hillary Duff looked nervous, but she did a good job, though it almost sounded like she was singing along with the memorex. Then again, it could be my ears. Of course, Outkast had a great set. Every time I hear that song I just gotta start dancing. But I think my favorite performance of the evening was Pink. She did away with the big garish set, millions of back-up dancers, pyrotechnics and memorex and sang 'Trouble' with just her guitarist backing her up, and she kicked ass. Jimmy Kimmell said it perfectly after her performance - 'It's always a surprise when people can actually sing'. Kinda brings back the 'Dead or Alive' that Bon Jovi did back in the day. Rock on, woman....

And my favorite quote comes from Kid Rock, 'And I'd like to thank that fat girl right up there! What's up baby!?!?'

Any one else watch it?

Oh, and somebody pinch me - did I see Li'l Kim doing Old Navy ads?

I went to a post-wedding reception today with Dave and his parents. The party was at this gorgeous home that had a great view of LA on a mountain in Glendale. Dave and I looked at the house and said to each other, 'We want a house like this!' It was on the corner of the street and had big bay windows all along two corners of the house, so you could see the chandelier inside. There were Greek columns inside with marble flooring, and there is a pool on the second floor. Yes. A house like that will be ours. After we pay off the 30 zillion dollars that Dave has in loans.

I've never been to a party like this before. It was like going to your average Filipino house party with all the aunts gossiping and laughing in one room and all the uncles watching some sort of sport in another with a spattering of little kids running around here and there. The kitchen looked to have the typical spread of foods. But on closer inspection, I realized it wasn't Filipino food. It was Armenian food. And there were waiters going around, bringing food to people. Oh, and did I mention there was an open bar? It was pretty bizarre. Never been to Filipino party that was catered like that, much less with Armenian food. Which was REALLY REALLY REALLY good, by the way. I ate so much I was sick.

On a side note: The uncles were hilarious. They were watching the boxing bout between Mexican boxing superstar Marco Antonio Barrera and teeny weeny Manny Pacquiao, a Filipino. And Barrera got his ass whooped. His coach had to throw in the towel. Must suck to get beat by a kid nicknamed 'Pac-Man'. Anyway, the uncles were going CRAZY! It was hilarious to hear them hooting and hollering and so proud of their countryman. Afterwards, the commentators interviewed him, and they were asking their questions of a Filipino interpreter. But then Pacquiano answered in English. Then it became obvious that Pacquiano understood and could speak English. But they still asked questions to the interpreter. Then afterwards, they said, 'Uh, maybe we didn't need the interpreter!'

Manny Pacquiao (R), from Cabangal, Phillipines celebrates after he defeated Mexican Marcos Barreras by a TKO in the 11th round of their 12-round world featherweight bout in San Antonio, November 15, 2003. REUTERS/Joe Mitchell

Well, that was a big side note. Anyway...

So we're sitting there and I'm stuffing my face with lamb and chicken, when this little girl sits at the piano, and there are a couple people standing around her. She looks really bothered, and the adults around her are nudging her. I know what's coming. Dave whispers to me, 'That's my cousin. She's a child prodigy at piano. She's going to be going to Julliard.'

Well, well. She may be a child prodigy, I thought to myself, but that doesn't mean that she likes having to play at family parties. When I was a kid, my parents put me through 11 years of piano lessons. Which included many years of practice, many slaps on the wrist with a ruler, and tons of piano recitals where I sat nervously, knowing that there was NO way I was going to get through my song without a mistake. And the worst part for me was having to play the piano when guests came over. I hated it. I would fight so badly with my mom when she was make me do it. I didn't like being shown off like a prize. Don't take me wrong. I loved to play the piano, it was one of my favorite things to do, but I loved to play for myself.

So I looked with pity on this girl, I wanted to whisper to her, 'I know how you feel, it's just a phase.' And then she started playing, and I sat there in awe. It was so beautiful, not just the music she was playing but the way her fingers danced effortlessly over the keys. The piece she chose was pretty difficult, but she played it easily. And I could tell that although she was so distressed to play in front of the group, when she was playing she was playing for herself and the clearly enjoyed the music. It was wonderful to see. So in a way, I was a little selfish in enjoying and taking in every moment that she played on the piano, because I knew that she didn't want to be there. But in having this gift, for the rest of her life people are going to be asking her to play, so I guess that she has to get used to it.

Um, I don't know where I was going with this....so I'll just stop it here. Oh, and to say that I will never ever make my kids play piano unless they want to, and if they do, they never have to play at a family party.

Convo I had in the parking lot of the El Torito Restaurante:

Me: Wow, I'm so full!
Father-In-Law: Are you pregnant yet?
Me: Uh...no...
Father-In-Law: When will you be?
Me: Uh....I dunno...

I just love this lil guy...

*christine runs around madly trying to clean the apartment and find extra closet space to cram shit into*

Photo Friday: Work

As Always, Hard at Work: Chicago, March 2003

The crazy antics never end at my office. Here, the professional services group does some bonding. I tend to think better with Sam's ankles next to my ears. That sounds dirty, but it's not.

1. Using one adjective, describe your current living space.
Comfy

2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer.
Demanding, Unorganized

3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pasttime.
Artistic, imaginative, fragile (comic books)

4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day.
Stressful, unorganized, adventurous, domestic

5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life.
Happy, fulfilled, successful, peaceful, and fun

So as I said yesterday, I was working on my Marquette pictures on the plane going to Pittsburgh. The woman next to me was really nice, and I could tell that she was looking over my shoulder. After a couple minutes, she asks, "I don't mean to pry, but what do you do for a living?"

I tell her that I'm a consultant for a software company, but that I was working on some pictures for a website that I help out with. At the moment, I was working on a picture of Rusty, and I pointed to his picture. "Actually, it's his site, his name is Rusty Smith, and he's a short track skater." She nods and says "I know. Do you know Apolo Anton Ohno, too?" I tell her that I've met him, but I don't really know him. "Well, I saw that you have pictures of him, too. He's great."

So for the rest of the ride, we talked short track. I told her about ohnozone.net if she needs an Apolo fix. She actually knew a lot about him and about the sport, I was pretty impressed. Even down to his pre-race yawns and how he holds his hands behind his back before a race. I gave her some more information about the state of short track right now, and about the competitions and the other skaters, and we had a pretty good conversation. It was pretty cool to meet someone outside of the little world of short track fandom that I'm familiar with who actually knows who these guys are.

_________________

In other news, for those of you who have been wondering, my mom is OK. Not as OK as she was a couple weeks ago, but she had an operation earlier this week to make things easier for her. Things are still pretty up in the air, and it's a lot of stress for my whole family. I was looking at my dad's pics from my wedding the other day, and I almost started crying when I saw how happy my mom was, and knowing how much of an effort it was for her to be with us that day. So keep those prayers coming...One thing I realized is that I have this tremendous of family, friends, and blog readers who are here to support me. As well as a husband who has always been there for me, even when, at the worst times, I told him I didn't want him around. He still stood by me. He's pretty swell.

Is it just me, or do the titles for my posts look weird??

This is one of those not-so rare Christine-get-your-head-outta-your-ass moments. Enjoy at my expense.

So I'm at the Buffalo airport, waiting for my flight...I get there about an hour and 15 minutes early, so I decide to power up the laptop and work on some Marquette pics, and chat it up with a friend. So there I am, clicking around in Photoshop and yap yap yapping away like a chihuahua on speed. Then all of the sudden, I hear something on the airport intercom. It sounds like my name. I say on the phone, "hold on..." and I listen...

"Last call for passenger Christine Estacio for flight 152 to Pittsburgh. Christine Estacio, please come to gate 28."

Oh shit. I'm AT gate 28 and I had entered some sort of time warp where I had been talking on the phone for 1 hour and 5 minutes. The whole fucking plane had boarded already. I snapped my phone shut, yanked the laptop cord out of the socket, grab may jacket, purse and laptop case, snap shut my laptop and gather the cord around me and look up at the gate. It's empty, except for the airline workers, who look at me, and know that I am the Christine Estacio they have desperately been searching for. I run to the gate, which isn't very fast because my power cord is still dragging behind me and I haven't even bothered to put my laptop back in its case.

I run up to the woman taking the tickets and say, 'I'm so sorry!' and she looks at me with scolding eyes and says, 'Honey, they're all waiting for you!'

I hang my head down in shame as I run out of the gate.

And just my luck, I have to board outside. The guy at the door says, 'The plane is on the left.' I nod and run out, and, hey, there's 2 planes on my left, buddy! I'm so frazzled, I pick one. I run up the stairs into the plane, and realize that I threw my ticket in my bag somewhere and I have no idea what my seat is. So I just pick one. And I sit down, still with all my shit in my arms. I finally get my stuff packed away and under the chair in front of me when a thought comes to me. What if I'm on the wrong plane? There were TWO planes on the left, and it's not like when I got on the plane they told me where I was going. So I'm sitting there in a panic.

The flight attendants make an announcement about the flight, but at that very moment, the lady sitting next to me decides to start conversation, so I don't get to hear the end of the sentence, "It will be an hour and 5 minutes to -" Where, dammit?!? Where the hell am I going!?!?!

But as you can probably guess, since I'm writing here in my blog, that it was the right flight to Pittsburgh. And when I got there and went to my gate for LA, I made sure to stay off the phone. Except to call back my friend. Because I realized that I just shut off my phone, without saying "Goodbye". So I called back to let my friend know that, yes, I'm still alive. Wasn't knocked unconscious, or kidnapped by midgets wearing Elvis costumes, or *gasp* miss my flight because I was on the phone. But I kept the convo nice and short.

No more phone calls to pass the time at the airport!!!

[Updated: Thanks to Noelle for bringing back a painful memory from my trip TO Buffalo. Yes. I admit it. I should have learned my lesson when I was on the phone waiting for my 10:10pm flight TO Buffalo. There I was, chatting on the phone, and I looked at my watch and it was 10:15. I turned around, saw that the door to the gate was closed, and the monitors no longer had Buffalo on them. I ran to the main desk, cried 'Can I still get on the plane?' The lady looked at me and calmly said, 'Yes.' I looked at the closed door, then at her, pleading with my eyes for her to open it. Then she said, 'We haven't boarded it yet. We're running a little late.'

Phew!]

It's my own fault, no one is to blame. I've been so busy, so involved with my own dramas and work and other things, I really haven't had time to watch over her, or pay much attention to her. I guess a little part of me thought that she would always be around. I took her for granted. I never realized what she meant to me.

I don't even know when she left. It could have been at Marquette, It could have happened after I worked out. Or sometime during the grocery strike in California. All I know is that she's gone. I got home from Marquette, Dave said, "Where is she?", and I looked, and she wasn't there. And I don't know if she's coming back. She never even said goodbye.

Yes. I'm being dramatic.

Yes. I'm talking about JLo. My ass. She's gone!!

In all seriousness, because of a lot of factors in the last couple weeks, I really haven't had much of an appetite (I know, surprising) or been too busy or stressed to eat. I knew that I had been losing weight, but I never really noticed that I was losing ass inches. Since the wedding, I've lost about 12 pounds, and it looks like it's all come from my ass. I liked my ass. We were good friends. We hung out all the time. She helped me make friends. She even has her own fan club. My husband is the fan club president. I have no idea how it disappeared so fast, but it did, and I hate it. It's not just smaller, it's flat. My pants are all saggy in the ass. It's so strange! How could this happen? How could I have missed it?

So I've been loading up on In and Out and Outback Steakhouse to bring her back.

Please come back, my friend. I miss you...

----------------

In other news, I had some great talks today and yesterday. I don't normally use the phone for communication anymore, but I was on the phone with a good friend yesterday, and before I knew it, 4 hours passed by. I don't even remember the last time I was on the phone that long! And today, I was on the phone with the guys from work. I miss those guys so much, they totally cracked me up. Sometimes I wish I was still in the office again, because I don't really have anyone to talk to when I work at home.

I'm still in Buffalo. Blah. At least I've got cool clients. We had an awesome long lunch today and we talked about radiation from the manufacturing of H-Bombs and the racial profiling of black men in parking lots wearing Ponderosa uniforms. Oh yeah, Buffalo isn't too diverse. I think I could very well be the only Asian person in a 10 mile radius. But that's ok. The food here is awesome. But it's raining here, and it's cold.

I'm starting to get home sick for Long Beach!!!

Note to self:
a) Need new socks, the Michael Jackson look is out.
b) Stop wearing Dave's socks. They're too big and the heel is at my ankle.

Today I started work in Buffalo at 8:30. Which is 5:30am Long Beach time. Which sucks really bad, because I have a hard time waking up at 8am in California, I don't know how I managed to wake myself up for work.

I'm at one of my favorite clients. She's so cool. The last time I was here, I went to dinner with her and her daughter, and I helped her figure out what to wear for an N'Sync concert. This time I brought my wedding pictures which we all looked at and we worked a little on her daughter's history paper. Nothing better than writing papers about Fredrick Douglas during work time.

Went to the local mall and picked up some headbands to keep my hair out of my eyes. And some socks. And Outkast's 'Speakerbox' which is HOT. I love it. And one word of advice - the wings are AWESOME in Buffalo, but the boba tea blows. I had some 'bubbletea' from the bubbletea shop at the mall, and it tasted like ass. Well, what I've been told ass tastes like, anyway. Just a warning for you - say NO to boba in Buffalo.

In Buffalo for a couple days for work. I'm on dialup, and it's so slow I have time to take a shower, read the whole Bible, and figure out the lyrics to 'Louie, Louie' before I can get a page to load.

Still getting used to this haircut. When I took a shower, I miscalulated how much shampoo to use and ended up with a 'fro of shampoo suds. I also need to buy some sort of hair product to keep my hair down, because since it's short now, it's really poufy and has a LOT of volume. I've got a short track helmet of hair goin' on, and it's not pretty. Note to self: Buy hair clips and headbands. It was a misconception to think that cutting my hair would get it out of my way. It's even WORSE now, and with the superstatic charge environment of Buffalo, my hair is forever sticking to my face.

I'm still trying to figure out if I'm liking this or not....

OK, so I think I was being a bit dramatic with the last post. But that's me. I love to do that whole season ending 'Who Shot JR?' bit with this blog, just to keep y'all anticipating the next post.

But it was a life changing moment. Really. Right up there with getting married, moving to Long Beach, and washing my car.

You all may remember this young little lady...

Well, she now looks like this:

Yeah, I like to take pictures. Going to the salon and getting it cut wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. I actually had my hair cut shorter way back in '97, so it wasn't too bad. My stylist kept on asking me, 'Are you sure?' and I said that I was, but she seemed pretty hesitant to cut it. But then again, I'm sure that a lot of people that decide to make a cut that drastic usually don't take it well once it's done. I'm not exactly sure that I like the cut yet, it's a little too straight and chunky for me. We'll see what happens after I wash it and style it for the first time on my own. It never looks the same once you try to do it yourself, that 'just from the salon' look is just that - you never quite achieve the look that you get at the salon!

So my hair is shorter. I'm a couple pounds lighter. I'm going to save money on shampoo. But I have no idea what to do with all my ponytail holders!

In other news, I finally met Candace and Linda today, after knowing them online for what seems like forever. The girls were really sweet, and I'm scared that maybe Rod was too much for them - the smell, that is. *evil grin* But really, it was great to hang out with the girls, and we got a great tour of the University of California - Irvine, and the University of California - LA. From way south we went way north and toured both campuses. It was like night and day. UCI has a campus where all the buildings are together, with a beautiful park in the middle. The place was pretty quiet and low key. On the other hand, UCLA was totally spread out, and in the middle of Westwood, a busy place with movie theaters, restaurants, and this yummy ice cream spot called Diedy Reese - which had an AWESOME dollar ice cream sandwich.

By the fountain at UCI

On the bridge at UCI

With the UCLA bear

There have been so many changes going in my life, so much drama going on within the last few months, that I think I need a big change. This is a life changer, people, up there with moving at getting married...and changing my blog format. It's been something I've been thinking about for a very long time, and it will complately change the way that people I know perceive me. But it's gotta be done, and it's been a long time coming. I'm really scared to do it, because normally I hate change, but when your life becomes something that you're completely new to, a new adventure, then a big change isn't as dramatic as it would be if my life was the same old stable life in Chicago. I've thought long and hard about it, and I'm doing it today.

The Christine you know now will change forever today. Take a good look, because tomorrow I'm a whole new gal.

I just hope it's the right choice.

Here's this week's Friday Five:

1. What food do you like that most people hate? Um, I'm a pretty picky eater, so there's a lot of foods that I hate, which includes the food that most other people hate. But if I had to pick something, it would be, uh, pork rinds?

2. What food do you hate that most people love? Mangos. Filipinos love mangos. I can't stand them.

3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you? Tom Cruise.

4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find attractive? Rick Moranis. Ever since 'Little Shop of Horrors' and 'My Blue Heaven' I've found him strangely appealing.

5. What popular trend baffles you? Piercings on your face. Ouch.

I'm back at my client in Thousand Oaks, CA. I was here last week, and I barely endured the 2 1/2 hour commute from Long Beach. I realized that I was wastin 5 hours of my life a day in traffic going to this place, so this week, I'm just hanging out in a sleezy hotel here. There's not much fun to do here in Thousand Oaks, and the reception for the good LA stations is pretty bad. The best station I could get was one that played 'La Vida Loca' and Lionel Ritchie's 'Ballerina Girl'. Aww yeah.

So I left home at 5:30 this morning, since I had to get here at 7:45. The commute wasn't as bad that early in the morning, but there was still a lot of traffic. But I was so tired all day, and unfortunately, I was in a meeting the whole day, sitting right across from the company president. I know I was dozing off, but I just couldn't stay awake. Fortunately I was pretty discreet about it, and I didn't drop my pen or anything. But it came to the point where the pres was talking and he would say, 'What do you think, Christine?' and I would be like, 'Uh, I agree'. Fortunately, that tactic worked.

It's going to be a busy couple weeks for me, work has got me traveling and doing a lot of things. That's ok, though, I've got a lot of things on my mind and I need the distraction!

Photo Friday: Downtown

Unfortunately, I'm not home today so I don't have access to my kick ass pictures of downtown, so this one will have to do. This is taken from the museum campus, right behind the Shedd Aquarium.

Chicago Skyline

Just saw the last Matrix.

It was pretty good.

Fell asleep for about a minute, but it's because I'm dead tired.

Gotta wake up at 4:30 to go to work, so more on the movie later!

Anyone else see it?

Yesterday I was doing some consulting over in Orange County. My clients there are SUPER cool and really friendly. One of the women was having a birthday, and they invited me to tag along to lunch at Macaroni Grill. It was a bunch of fun, and we chatted in the car on the way there. It was so awesome because we got along so well. Usually at a client site, I just have the mandatory conversation, asking them how long they've worked there, etc, but with these gals (it was pretty much an all woman department) we talked about everything. They were all interested in my wedding, and I shared wedding stories with this other woman that just gotten married. When it was time for me to go (it was a one day gig), I didn't want to go. It was the best two hour lunch with strangers that I've ever had. They all were sad that I had to leave, but my main contact said that she'll bring me back and we'll have playtime again. Having an experience like this makes me want to have visitors at my office so I can take them out and have a good time. Oh wait, I don't work in an office. Hmph.

Going to a client site and meeting people as great as this totally makes up for the mean, grumpy, anal people that I sometimes work with.

From Jerry, who is always watching out for the latest advancements in the world of porn.

As much as I love my car, I treat it so badly. We have only one parking spot in our complex, and since I work at home, Dave has the spot and I'm left to look for my own spot. Usually there's spots open near our apartment, but unfortunately, there's these trees that seem to drop this weird sap that attracts the grossest grime ever. So my car was nasty. I was too busy/lazy/cheap to take it to the car wash (there's like 30 within a mile of here) so it accumulated. And it got bad, to the point where I would open and close my door with my fingertips so I didn't get the nasty grime on me. Then, after looking at these pictures, I knew it was time to get a carwash...

I was at a client site a couple weeks ago, and she had these really cute stickers on her cube of this cute little bunny.

Kinda like saying 'I Hate You' with a smile.

www.jimbenton.com makes these happy bunny postcards, stickers and t-shirts.

On a side note, I'm checking out my site on my desktop, and these are NOT the colors I thought they would be! That's the last time I pick out web colors on my crappy laptop. Tomorrow, I'm making changes in the colors!

I almost forgot...today is Emer's birthday. He's, uh, I don't know how old he is today, and I really don't want to know, because it'll make me feel old. He'll always be my little freshman. I'm happy he's grown up to be such an smart, upstanding, sexy and sober young man. Um, ok, just a smart and sexy young man. I wish I was there to party with you. Have a car bomb for me!

If you're a regular reader, you've noticed some changes around here. Since I've been going through so many life changes lately, I thought it would be best to reflect it in my blog. Got married, moved to California, have a new job position, all within the same month. yanowhatimean.com is up for renewal, too. Yeah, it's the one-year anniversary of the day I bought this site name. Seems like yesterday!

So when I was back home in Chicago, I had a lot of free time on my hands when I was with my mom in the hospital, so I thought it was about time I revamped my site. So just like my life, I wanted it to be something completely different, shake up the design a bit, but make it a little easier to read. So I decided on the white pastel look. Don't know if I like it too much yet, but I think it could grow on me. But I do like having 3 columns instead of one. Makes it a lot easier to reach the links that I use.

I'm also in the process of updating the picture galleries with *gasp* updated pictures. Yes. New pictures. Also in the works is the 'me' page. It was weird before, so I thought I'd spice it up with more info on your favorite internet procrastinator.

As for this blog, it's gonna be bigger and better. More posts. More humiliating stories of me. More links. More sharing of links and sites that I waste my time with. Maybe even a guest writer or two.

So enjoy the changes. I'm really interested on your input, if you like it, if you don't, if you think I should make some changes, if you find a problem with the site, etc. I want to know. yanowhatimean cares about YOU. :-P

Later!

To complete Animal Weekend, me and Dave drove down to San Diego to go to the San Diego Zoo. The LA Zoo just couldn't cut it for us. We had to go to a BIG zoo. At first we were thinking of going to Sea World in San Diego, but we weren't sure there was one. But there is. But we already had our fill of aquatic animals at the aquarium the day before. So off we went to the zoo!

It was a gorgeous drive down to San Diego, going along the coast on the 5. It wasn't even a long drive. It took me 2 1/2 hours to drive up to Thousand Oaks last week to a client. It only took us an hour and a half to get to the zoo. And the time went by fast because we were listening to the Bears vs. Chargers game on the radio. It's a totally different experience to listen to broadcasters that are biased AGAINST the Bears.

So we got to the zoo and met up with Melinda, who is about the only person I know in San Diego, and who lives only minutes away from the zoo. We had a great time going around the zoo, taking the tour, riding the sky gondola thing and eating churros. I love the zoo, and I love animals. It's a beautful zoo, and it's HUGE. We didn't get through everything (we got there late, of course) but we got through enough. Maybe we could have gotten through more if we didn't stand entranced by the playful antics of the pygmy chimpanzees for an hour. It was really cute to watch them do somersaults and wrestle with each other.

Of course, we had to head out to the hippo area, because if you didn't know, I love hippos. We cleaned out the gift shop of all its hippo paraphenalia. I bought a hippo t-shirt, stuffed hippos, hippo photo album, hippo magnet, and a hippo backpack, that you can see in some of the pictures.

As for pictures, I went crazy - took about 200 pictures, of which you'll see a sampling of here. Once I get some time (which means NEVER) I'll post up some galleries of my artsy pics. I've got tons of pics of animals and of my drive to California that I never posted.

So here's the pics, enjoy!

This weekend is Dave and Christine's animal weekend. Today's stop was the Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific. It was a ton of fun, though I was really hungry for sushi afterwards. *evil grin* We had a pretty good time, and they had some beautiful fish there. They also had a petting area where you can pet sharks, horseshoe crabs and stingrays. The sharks felt a bit like sandpaper, and the rays were slimy without being slimy. After a while, I didn't want to go. I just wanted to stay and pet my new friends. Dave also made friends with a green sea turtle.

So if you're ever in Long Beach, I'll take you there. I splurged a bit and got a membership to the aquarium, so I can go whenever I want. It's only about 15 minutes away from my place, and it's a great place to take kids. I was waiting for one of them to fall into the petting pool, but no luck.

Here's a couple of my pics I took. I'm a picture taking freak - I took about 150 pictures. God bless my digital camera!