I don't think I've ever shared this story before, since it happened before I started blogging, uh, 4-5 years ago. It happened about 9 years ago, when I was still a newbie at X-Systems. Back then, it was a whole different group of people, a little older than the group that I've blogged about, but not much older.

There was a woman that I worked with, T, who I would sit and gossip with all day. She was really the only other female there and she was kind of like a big sister to me. We came from totally different backgrounds - I grew up on the northwest side, going to Catholic schools and still living at home. She grew up on the south side and before getting this job struggled to support her little girl. Even though we came from different places, we had a lot to talk about. We were both nosey gossips and loved to go to lunch together.

Anyway, one day, she came into the office and I could tell she was exploding with a story she wanted to share. She got us all together and said, "You guys have GOT to hear what happened to me yesterday!" She was all flustered as she started to tell her story...

What had happened was she was taking the el train home (she doesn't ride the safest line) and the train was a little packed since it was rush hour. As people got off, the seat next to her opened up. A man took the seat next to her. She didn't know if he had just gotten on or if he had been standing. She noticed that he was holding a giftwrapped box on his lap. He then started talking to her.

"Man, I'm so excited. I just got my baby a present and I can't wait for her to open it!"

She looked at him, smiled, and looked away.

The thing about the train in Chicago is that you don't want to make conversation. Especially with strange men you don't know. There's a lot of crazies out there! Believe me - I used to ride one of the nicer lines and even then there were some colorful and scary characters, like the lady who was stroking her stuffed cat and talking to it.

Although my friend gave the guy the unspoken message that she didn't really feel like talking, he went on...

"I'm a little nervous, though...I mean, I hope she likes it. Hey, can you you check it out? If you'll like it, I know my honey's gonna love it."

"No, that's ok," my friend replied.

"Please?!?! I really want my baby to love this present. I'm so excited to give it to her, and I want to make sure it's something she would like."

This persisted for a bit, and my friend was getting a little annoyed. The guy would just not let up. She looked at the giftbox and it was wrapped in pretty paper, with a huge pink bow on the top. Finally, just so he would stop, she relented and said she'd check out the present.

"Oh thank you!" he said, "Believe me, I know you'll love it."

He took the top off the gift, she looked inside...

...and she screamed.

...it was his penis inside!

He had cut a hole in the back of the box and stuck his penis inside. He must have been holding the present against him as he came inside the train and when he sat down.

She immediately got up and headed to the door, swearing and screaming at him telling him he was sick. Other people who had heard the exchange were also yelling at him. He was laughing the whole time. Luckily, they were coming to a station so she got off and waited for another train.

She was traumatized.

We laughed.

So for the rest of her time there, we'd always bring up "dickinabox" and break out into laughter. After some time she laughed about it, too, because it was so crazy. I mean, what kind of whacko would do such a thing?!?!

Well, I guess SNL has those whackos working for them.

Imaging my surprise and delight when I was watching SNL a couple weeks ago and saw this skit (watch your sound - there's some profanity):

I laughed my ass off. I mean, is the whole dick in a box phenomenon something that happens often enough that SNL does a skit on it? I had thought it was a one time thing!

The other thing that's so hilarious about the song is that I had no idea that the blonde guy was Justin Timberlake until afterwards. FYI - watch SNL when Justin hosts - he always has the best show because he doesn't take himself seriously and he's great at comedy.

Anyway...watch out for men with boxes. If at any time they want to give you a gift, tell them to put it down on the ground and walk away slowly!

Posted by Yano at December 28, 2006 11:38 AM

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