Yano What I Mean?: I'm Not the Only One

I'm Not the Only One

It can be pretty rough the first month after having your first child. There's late night feedings, doctor appointments, changing diapers, trying to quiet a crying baby and a whole bunch of ailments that make you wonder if they're normal or not. It can be pretty stressing!

Luckily for me, I'm surrounded by a network of women - family, friends even blog readers - who have shared their motherhood experiences with me. Knowing the experiences of others makes it a little easier for me and makes me realize I'm not the only one who's facing challenges, or that the unusual things that are happening are quite normal. I think if I hadn't talked to anyone, if no one told me what to expect, I'd be going crazy with worry and I would have called my pediatrician a thousand times already.

I've also been doing a lot of reading, and have several popular baby books on hand for reference:

"The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two" - by James Sears, Martha Sears, Robert Sears, William Sears
"What to Expect the First Year" - by Heidi Murkoff, Sandee Hathaway, Arlene Eisnberg

"Baby 411 : Clear Answers and Smart Advice for Your Baby's First Year" - by Denise Fields, Ari Brown

Each has their pros and cons, but they have been total life savers to me when I've had questions about what was going on with my baby.

So I'm here to share some experiences with you all. Knowledge and experience was shared with me, and so I'm passing it on to you all right now...

The First Several Nights - The first night in the hospital was awesome for me. The epidural was still wearing off so I felt no pain, Dave was sleeping over, and the baby was so exhausted that he slept most of the night except for feedings. We actually went for a 4 hour stretch of sleeping (you're not supposed to go longer than 4 hours) and would have gone longer if the nurse hadn't woken me to feed the baby. The second night was a killer. The baby just would not sleep in the hospital bassinet. Dave and I took turns holding the baby while the other slept. Fortunately there was a TV in the room, and X-Files reruns late at night. The third night was the worst - we were home already and Dave's mom was staying over and she was in the room with me and the baby. I was still trying to get used to the whole breastfeeding deal, and I had no milk yet - just colostrum. I figured out that I have a very impatient baby, and if he didn't latch on correctly the first time he would start screaming and I'd have to calm him down. I was trying not to stress out because friends told me that it's going to be hard the first couple weeks when you breastfeed, and it hurts. Also, the pediatrician said the third night will be the worst, since the baby wants milk and there's no milk to be had. It was a long, sleepless night, but I just repeated my mantra "I'm not the only one this happens to, we'll get through this...". Dave's mom was a lot more stressed than I was!

Is my baby breathing? - Yes, I wake up in the middle of the night to check to see if my baby is breathing. There was one time when I woke Dave up to listen to the baby's breathing - the baby would take a couple breaths, then stop breathing for a couple seconds. It freaked me out, even though I knew that sometimes baby's have irregular breathing patterns. Also, I read that babies have stuffy noses because they're clearing out their lungs (or something like that) so it's not unusual for your baby to sound like he's got the sniffles. But that just adds to the "Is my baby breathing" anxiety! Not only do I check if the baby's breathing (he sleeps so peacefully) I often make my sisters and cousins check, just in case.

Getting peed on - The first time I got peed on, I screamed. I wasn't ready to see the little fountain come up from my baby as I was changing him. Eventually, it became no big deal. I got a little peepee teepee as a shower gift, but my little antsy legs moves around so much it doesn't stay on. I've been tearing off a corner of the baby wipes and using that as a shield before I change him. Also, I make sure to have everything I need within reach before changing the baby - as well as an extra outfit, just in case.

The #2 - I have to admit, I've only gotten ambushed by poop once. My first exposure to it was when Dave was changing the baby - my sisters and I were in the room and we heard a juicy fart and saw it come out. We all started screaming like little girls, surprised the baby and made him cry. When it actually happened to me, I felt it coming, but that didn't make it any less gross. I've heard that it's 10x worse when they start solids. I'm counting my blessings that he's having lightly scented breastmilk poops right now.

He has more laundry than we do! - Who would have known that one little person could produce so much laundry! When you add up all the burp cloths (and he's been burping up more lately), the receiving blankets (that he still loves to be snuggled in), the outfits (sometimes he needs to be changed 4-5 times a day, depending on if he poops, pees or spits up on his clothes. Just to be safe, he has his own baby detergent and I dont use fabric softener. He doesn't seem to be allergic to regular detergent, but it's no big deal - he has enough laundry to get his own load (sometimes 2 a week).

Picture maniac! - I'm taking pictures of Bendito all the time. When I look at the latest pics I've taken, they all start looking the same. I haven't caught him smiling yet, although now he's starting to do the social smile.

TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG! - Being a baby, it's hard for BenBop to verbalize what he wants. Usually I go through a short checklist - does he need to be fed? does he need to be changed? does he need to be burped? Outside of that, I have no idea what he needs. There's been times he's cranky and crying and I just look him in the eye and say, "Send me a mental image of what you want because I have no idea!" Once he was whiny and crying and I tried everything to get him to stop. Finally I told him I had to take a break and I put him down on the bed and he just lay there, silent, and watched me. That's all he wanted, just to chill out on the bed. Life would be a lot easier for the both of us if he could just let me know what he needs!

Where should baby sleep? - I decided when B-Dawg was born to have him sleep in a bassinet by our bed. That way he was close enough for me to grab him in the middle of the night and feed him but out of the bed, where he could get squooshed by me or Dave. I said it before - I'm ultra paranoid of SIDS. But as time wore on, I would take little naps with him next to me, and then have him sleep with us on the bed after his early morning feeding. Now it's to the point where he hasn't been in his bassinet in weeks. Yes, the boy is getting spoiled. But I need to be more careful now that he's learning to move around on the bed. Once I put him to bed about a foot away from me and went to sleep. I heard him fussing a bit but then he was quiet, though I could still hear him breathing. I opened my eyes and there he was, right in my face watching me. If it was anyone else I'd think it was creepy, but with Ben it was just adorable.

OK, there's a lot more, but I think I'm going to take a nap.

After that, I think I'll work on a new layout - this blog needs one!

Posted by Yano at June 6, 2006 05:15 PM

Comments

Don't let BenBen sleep in bed with you too much. He'll get too used to it. And it's ok to let him cry once in awhile--if you're always rushing to him, he'll start manipulating you!

Posted by: Sam on June 7, 2006 08:00 AM

lol....congratulations. you've made it through the checklist that ALL moms go through! lol. i used to put a striped blanket on ayden so i could tell easier if he was breathing.

have you clipped his nails yet?

mykel and i kept ayden in a cradle by the bed until around 3 months...then it was off to the crib ever since. he sleeps so great in it, and we get enough sleep without worrying about making noise and waking him up!

Posted by: thaihoney on June 7, 2006 08:09 AM

These nicknames are crazy cool: BenBop, Bendito, B-Dawg. How about B-Diddy? :)

Posted by: Mike on June 7, 2006 08:51 AM

Don't worry, you are just going through the mommy learning curve. The only thing is that babies keep growing up and so one never quite catches up to the next phase. It is a lot of fun, though and you remind me of when I went through all that.

It is hard to not spoil your child when you want them to be happy all the time, but eventually they have to learn that they cannot have everything they want.

To sleep in parents bed or not. Letting them sleep in your bed makes it so easy, but there are pitfalls. Besides the obvious, you run the risk of never getting them out of your bed. I know from experience.

Posted by: Deb on June 7, 2006 12:58 PM

Oh wow! Did this bring back memories or what!! All of these things freaked me out and I was not surrounded by anything but my books. The Sears one is good. I have no sisters and the Grandmas lived far away.

I totally freaked out when my Mom who never worries about a thing thought there was something weird and wrong with Lucas. He was colicy and my Mom had never seen it before. But then Dave's Mom came to visit and said Dave had been just like that.

I'm not giving advice because everyone is different but we never let either of our two babies sleep in bed with us. Twelve years of marriage before kids decided that one. We had both of them in our room in cradles for about three months and then we put them in their own cribs in their own rooms.
Both of my kids are great sleepers and I think this helped.

Posted by: janet on June 8, 2006 11:55 AM

Ref Mike - not "B-Diddy," try "B-Piddley" at least the next time he pees on you. I always made sure my boy peed on Dad, not me.

As for sleeping in bed. I didn't get a vote. If I wanted even the 2 hrs sleep between feedings instead of endless crying, he was in the bed with us. Wait till you wake up and squrimy has figured out how to find his boob all on his own. Very startling.

They say crying is ok and let them cry it out or they'll learn to manipulate you and be spoiled. I don't buy it. A kid under one who can figure out cause and effect to manipulate is a genius and the only bad spoiling is the unhelathy kind, like giving your baby sugar. I did try the cry it out repeatedly, 3 hrs only led to everyone in tears, baby barfing and dehydrated. Next night, no improvement. I just told myself, he'd certainly decide to be in his own bed by his prom. (With years and years to spare in fact.)

Posted by: MT on June 8, 2006 01:39 PM

Teach him to put himself to sleep in his own crib-bed and it will be the best thing you ever do for him. Don't let him develop anxiety about sleeping and-or bad sleeping habits.

It's a security issue. He shouldn't feel he has to be right on top of you to feel secure.

Believe me. I've had sleeping problems my whole life. AND I still live with my mother. You do the math. :P

Posted by: Denizzy on June 8, 2006 05:39 PM

About the layout. I love the baby layout. The baby pics look so nice.

How 'bout giving Ben his own blog? Then you can keep the baby theme?

Posted by: Denizzy on June 8, 2006 05:41 PM

Denizzy--LOL!! I do agree with you, MT, though that you cannot spoil a baby. My babies didn't seem to mind not sleeping with us. They liked their own little beds and I do not remember having to leave them to cry.

I held my son every time he cried. He had colic and was terribly fussy. I read a book about the fussy baby and they recommended a lot of touch and holding and said babies cannot be spoiled.

It worked. It created a bonding and a closeness that is still there--21 years later.

Posted by: janet on June 8, 2006 06:10 PM

Oh yea--I remember--we put lambskin in their cradles and cribs and they'd just snuggle down and rub their fingers and toes in it---much better than Mom and Dad's boring sheets.

Posted by: janet on June 8, 2006 06:14 PM

June 06, 2006