While surfing through blogs on this site I found these two blogs which really touched me.

It's almost been a year since my mother passed away, and even now I'm still dealing with the conflicting feelings - anger, sadness, despair, longing. Feelings that I thought would eventually go away are still lingering, possibly forever. One of the things that I've been thinking about is how my mother felt, what she went through knowing that the end was near, that she was going to leave the people that she loved. During the last days she couldn't talk much, must of what she said was in a concentrated whisper, in the end we just had to figure out what her mouth was annunciating since there was no longer any sound.

I found the blog of a woman who was about the same age of my mom, who also had cancer and who knew that it was her last days. Treatment had stopped and she was on her way to a hospice. Her last post consisted of her goodbyes to her family - her husband, children and grandchildren. It hit me so hard because in a way, I could hear my mom talking through her words, I could imagine her saying the same things. What she wrote was beautiful, but it also brought back so many sad memories for me, and I was brought to tears just reading it.

Her daughter also has a blog, which I saw first (a link led me to her mother's site). Reading her words reporting her mother's death reminded me so much of what I went through when my mother died, how I debated on writing a post about it or to just write something simple. Her mother's last days were eerily close to what we went through - from the labored breathing to the problems with her mother's arm. It was a little comforting to read her post, but heartbeaking at the same time, knowing that other people go through the same thing that I did. But I wanted so much to tell her that it's going to be ok - it won't be great and life won't be the same, but life does move on.

So if you're up for depressing, but beautifully written sites, go ahead and check out these sites:

A Mother's Life in Disappearing Autumn (the mother)
Punkin Toes (the daughter)

This is a beautiful quote that was on the site:

". . . we paused and looked about us, and, slowly, as the sun made its way, we saw something, something that was all around and above us. We did not see the trees, we saw the gold, the same gold that some people spend their whole lives looking for. And, just as quickly as it came, the sun went down behind the mountain, and our gold disappeared. . ."

*sniff*

Posted by Yano at November 18, 2004 10:58 AM

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