A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs!"

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such questions?

Harry replied: "Pockets!"

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" The principal shakes his head..

Harry: "Pants!"

Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?" The principal's mouth open really wide and before he could stop the answer..

Harry: “Shake hands!”

Ms. Brooks: “What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious, and contains thin whitish liquid?” The principal let out a stifled gasp but before he could stop the answer..

Harry: “Coconut!”

Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?” The principal's eyes open really wide but before he could stop the answer..

Harry: “Bubble gum!”

Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?” The principal hands rose in panic but before he could stop the answer..

Harry: “Firetruck!”

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and ordered the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong."

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to
communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other
using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife
decides to find a solution.

"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you
want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to
have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to
have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach
over and pull on my penis 50 times."

Have you heard of the new pirate movie??..........It's rated ARRRRRRRRRR!! What's G-mail?? Oh and I have a new link for my site and a blog too, not as interesting as yours though, Yano. I have you as a link if that's aight. Congrats to you and Dave on the new home, looks great!!

I like the married deaf couple joke. Very cute. ;)

Me! Me! Me! I wanna post a joke! *wink*

APARTMENT FOR RENT

A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam:

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the
apartment, I was under the impression that; 1) it had never been occupied 2) that there was plenty of heat and 3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home. However, I found out that it had been previously
occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:

Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have
enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady. Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.

OOOOO!! I got one!

A young boy asks his father,"Dad,is it OK for us guys to notice all the different kind of boobs?"
Surprised, the father answers,

"Well,sure son,we wouldn't be normal if we didn't...there are all kinds of breasts...depending on a woman's age--In her twenties,a woman's breasts are like melons,round and firm.In her thirties to forties,they are like pears,still nice but hanging a bit.After fifty,they are like onions."

"Onions,Dad?"

"Yeah,you see them and they make you cry...

Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother,"Mom,how many kinds of penises are there?"
The mother, delighted to have equal time,answers,

"Well,daughter,a man goes through three phrases.In a man's twenties,a man's penis is like an oak,mighty and hard.In his thirties and forties,it is like a birch,flexible but reliable.After his fifties,it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yep,dried up and the balls are only there for decoration..."

Ohh...a lot of good ones! One more day to post before I judge the best!

A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their
sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a
postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex
felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the
wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at
first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased
for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the
wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to
go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the
Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again
slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom
waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still
nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British
Airways." Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine,
flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found
the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven
days a week, both ways." Mom fainted.

Okay, here's one of my favorites....

Q: What do you get when you cross the Protestant Reformation with Metamucil?

A: A religious movement!!!

ha ha!

Ohh...they were all great jokes, but I think I liked Komodo Dragon's the best! Not to worry, faithful readers, there will be more gmail invites in the future!

Yay...Yano liked my joke!