Since I can't do much but watch TV and surf the internet at 10 minute intervals (my head will feel like it will explode) I've had a lot of time to think. Here's a couple thoughts I thought I'd share:

- After this is all done, I'm making doctor appointments all over the place. I'll get everything checked out to make sure the rest of me is in good working condition. And I will keep up with yearly exams and crap like that because there is no way I'm going through all this shit again!

- It's a battle to not fall into a well of self pity and despair. I admit, I've got the blues, but I'm trying not to let the blues take over. It's hard, though. Looking at that eye makes me cringe. It will take some time before it heals. For at least 3 months I'm going to have a droopy eyelid, and there's a risk that I'll have double vision for the rest of my life. If you remember, a friend of mine had an accident that disfigured his face. A lot of people speculated how he felt, what he was going through, etc. I think I have a little bit of insight, since my situation is pretty similar. It's a little more than looks. Sure, part of me is thinking, 'Well, I'm not going to win any beauty contests anytime soon.' But it's more like, 'I just want to look like myself again, not this Quasimodo looking like thing that's looking at me in the mirror.' A big part of me is paranoid that I'll never look the same again, that the eye won't fully heal.

- There is nothing good on TV. 70+ channels and I had to watch 'Independence Day' two days in a row. Thankfully Law and Order is on multiple times a day or I'd go crazy!

- You never realize how much pressure is put on your eyeballs when you sneeze or yawn. Ouch.

- Dave isn't squeamish about my eye at all. I was trying to gross him out and make him kiss my eye, and he didn't have a problem with it. (never made him do it) You'd think the guy would be like 'Eew!' or something, but I guess doctors are used to that.

- When my aunts and uncles heard through the grapevine yesterday about my surgery, they all called at different times. It was really nice, because I think that's the only time they've ever called me, and they were all really concerned.

- Thanks, once again, to everyone who's called, commented, or sent emails. To those of you who've sent emails, it'll take a little time for me to reply, but thank you so much for them...

- It's really hard to shower and wash your hair without wetting your eyes. Try it sometime.

- Dennis Leary's new show, 'Rescue Me' is pretty damn good. Make sure to check it out on FX. I know he's dabbled in drama before, but he really does an awesome job this time around. This is a show I'll be juggling me schedule over. "Sorry, can't go out tonight, 'Rescue Me' is on."

- I'd like to give props to my face, who has been a big trouper through all of this. With all the stress and not washing of my face regularly, you'd think that I'd break out or something, but my skin has been exceptionally clear and radiant. Making the monstrosity that is my eyeball that much more noticeable, but that's ok.

- OK, this 15 minutes of internet funtime is over!

Posted by Yano at July 23, 2004 08:44 AM

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