Last night Christine asked the cousins to say a few words at the service. And as much as I would love to do so, I don't think I'd be able to bring myself to say a last goodbye without breaking down into tears. So I'll just put my tribute to Tita Cris here and maybe by Friday I'll be able to read it aloud...

It's been said that, "What we do in life echoes in eternity."

Tita Cris's thoughts, hopes and dreams that she had for us will do just that...echo in our hearts forever. The night before she died, she talked to us one by one and told us how much she loved each and every one of us. She told us what she wanted for each of us, what she wished for our futures, how she wanted us to look out for each other and to love each other the best way we can. To her, it didn't matter what material things she was leaving behind, but who she left behind to ensure that her family would be well loved and taken care of. Her love, her spirit, & her strength will echo in eternity thru her family, her friends, her children, and her grandchildren.

It is also said that, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."

We all can sleep well knowing that Tita Cris lived a full life... full of those special moments that helped her to be strong when she knew that her life would soon end. From the moment she met Tito Vic, the man of her dreams, the one that she shared every sunrise and sunset with... to the very first day she stepped foot on the US where she would build a home and future for her family and where she would meet all the wonderful people that she has grown to love as her own flesh and blood... to the day she became the mother of 3 beautiful daughters... Christine, the one that made her laugh... Claudine, the one that she knew would one day help to heal the world... and Fatima, her baby, her heart, the one that stood by her everyday until her last breath. She was like a daughter to the Lolas & Lolos, a sister to the Titas & Titos and a mother to the Cousins. In the years that have gone by our extended family has grown from one generation to the next. And she spent everyday watching us live, love, laugh, learn and grow together as a family. And when her time came to close her eyes for the last time, she saw all of those who loved her, and in all of us she saw that life was good... And it took her breath away...

Wow... It was hard enough to write that... Don't know if I'll be able to say it aloud. So, I guess this will have to do for now... Anyway, we love you Tita Cris and we miss you so so much. But don't worry, we're all looking out for each other just like you wanted us to...

On November 22, 2003, my Tita Cris passed away. Now I'm not trying to be dramatic when I say that ever since she's been gone, life's been so cold. She battled with cancer for so long...and I guess it was time to just stop fighting and rest. It hurt in the beginning of it all, when I found out the cancer had gone to her lungs. It hurt even more when I found out she was hospitalized. But it hurt the most when I saw her take her last breath. For the past two months, I made a commitment to rush to the hospital right after school. It was like nothing else mattered to me--didn't think about my social life, didn't think about my break up with my boyfriend (who I usually thought about every other minute), didn't think about what homework needed to be completed by the next day, didn't think about when to eat, when to sleep--every minute with her was important.

So now that she's gone...I feel like a big chunk of me is missing. I mean, this year has been so hard for me...I seriously didn't think it would get any harder. I know her passing away wasn't sudden--I've been preparing myself for this...but I guess no matter how much you prepare for death...it hits you hard. I really miss her...I miss every little thing about her...but I know she hasn't left my side. Yeah, she's gone physically...but spiritually I know she's not. She's in my heart and everywhere I go...and I know she's watching me from up above.

In the beginning, when she was hospitalized, I was at her bedside when she told me to a 'good girl' and to finish high school. I cried thinking about how she wasn't going to be at my graduation...but going home later that night, I thought, everything I do from here on out, I'm doing it for her. And if she isn't on this Earth when I cross that stage--I know she'll still be there, looking down from Heaven...smiling...and she'll be proud of me.

I don't know how many times I've said this, but I miss her. I was blessed to have her as my aunt...she was more than that to me. She was my mom. She treated me like her own daughter...I always felt loved when I was with her. I always felt secure and at home when I was with her. Because of her, I have the best childhood memories...because of her, I know how important family is.

I can't remember the last time I hugged her--I mean, really really hugged her. I wish I could feel her arms tightly wrapped around me, at least for one last time. But I guess if her arms were tightly wrapped around me, my arms would tightly be wrapped around her--and I don't think I would ever be able to let go...