I don't really watch news, unless I'm out of town on business. And the big buzz in Seattle is the sentencing of the Green River Killer, Gary Ridgeway. Since everything was reruns today, I got caught up in watching all the coverage for it, sitting in a daze, watching the TV.

Ridgeland had killed at least 48 women, whose bodies were found between 1982 and 1998. There were so many, he hardly remembered them. He called his victims 'garbage' and said that he didn't care about them.

Today, they were showing the sentencing on TV. This included the families of the victims confronting Ridgeway, letting go of years of grief, rage, frustration, anger and sadness. It was heartwrenching, but in a way, it helped me deal a little with the grief that I'm still going through, and gave me some perspective. These families never got to say goodbye. Many of these women were between 17 and 25, their lives ended before they had even begun, lives so full of potential. Some of these women were missing for more than 10 years, their families having no idea where they were. When the first remains were found in 1982, the families had to deal with their grief, but they didn't know who to blame.

So I sat there, and heard these families talk to Ridgeland, their grief open for everyone to see, looking at the face of their sister, mother, or daughter's killer in the eyes. These people had been waiting for this moment, some for more than 20 years. They spoke of the women that were lost, a woman who was five when she found out on mother's day that her mother was dead, a sister that loved horses, a daughter who wanted to be an artist, a mother that went missing before her son even got to know her...And everyone had different ways of dealing with their grief. Some broke down. Some called him a monster, some said they wanted to kill him themselves, some showed him pictures of the victims who he had called garbage. And Ridgeland sat there, looking at each one of them, without any expression other than slight interest. Only when one of the only 3 families that actually forgave him came up to speak did he break and show emotion.

"I can only hope that someday, someone gets the opportunity to choke you unconscious 48 times, so you can live through the horror that you put our mothers and our daughters through. ... To me you are already dead."

"Gary Leon Ridgway, I forgive you. I forgive you. You can't hold me anymore. I'm through with you. I have a peace that is beyond human understanding."

"The one thing I want you to know is that there was a daughter at home, I was that daughter at home, waiting for my mommy to come home. I'm glad you didn't get (the death penalty), because death is too good for you. You'll die someday, and you'll go to that place, and you'll get what you deserve."

"I'm angry, I will always be angry. I will never have my sister in my life. You broke my family apart. For 20 years, a lot of birthdays and a lot of Christmases were broken apart. I hope you rot in hell, you son of a bitch."

"I forgive you for what you've done. You've made it difficult to live up to what I believe, and that is what God says to do, and that is forgive, and he doesn't say to forgive just certain people, he says forgive all. So you are forgiven. My daughter was 16 at time you killed her. My wife and I were separated, and she had to live on the street. She did things I may not have been proud of, but she was still a little girl."

I can't imagine what these people are going through. I know loss, but not a loss like this. Not a loss where someone was taken out in the prime of life in such a senseless way. Not a loss where the body was found in pieces, and not knowing who killed them or why. Not a loss where the murderer showed no remorse and called the victim, the victim being someone I love, 'garbage' and not worth anything. To have my life revolve around bringing the killer to justice and rebuilding my life. On these people's faces I saw 20 years of grief. And many of them spoke the words that I felt they had been waiting so long to say, words that they had imprinted on their hearts and that they were able to say with no mistakes by memory.

I only hope that these families find peace. It will be hard and may never happen, but I pray for them.

Posted by Yano at December 18, 2003 10:10 PM

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