The Bears are behind, they come back in the fourth quarter to beat the Oakland Raiders. The Cubs are tied in their series, playing in Atlanta, and win their division. My mom can sit up and is able to hold her water on her own and is breathing easier. It was a good day.

It's been a very hard 4 days, but I'm so happy I'm home! I've been practically living at the hospital, most of the staff knows me and my sisters by face. Claudine came into town last Friday (her super-duper boyfriend Dan drove to Des Moines, picked her up, and drove straight back to Chicago). Not only do they know me, my sisters and my dad by face, but they also know all my cousins, aunts and uncles, too. Like my cousins Melanie & Marilyn, who've been mine and Claudine's stand-ins whuile we've been gone. They've really helped out the family. The '2 visitor' rule they have here doesn't seem to pertain to my mom's room. There's been herds of relatives coming in and out of the hospital for the last two weeks. The family waiting room here has been taken over by brown people.

I got here at about 1pm last Thursday. Wednesday night was a pretty bad night for me, after realizing that it was about time that I went home to be with my mom and family. By the time I was on the plane I had a pretty good grip on my emotions, no longer getting teary at the drop of the pin.

But when I finally arrived at the hospital, seeing my mom there lying in her hospital bed, I almost lost it. I wanted to burst out crying, crawl into bed with her, put my head on her shoulder and tell her it was going to be alright. But something within me told me to be strong. But I just came up to her and held her hand and said 'I'm here, mommy'. I looked at my dad and Fatima and saw the fatigue and worry in their eyes. They had been so strong to go through all of this, after being here day in, day out for 4 days, it takes a lot out of you. And my sister has been here for the last 2 weeks during the day, while my father would be here for most of the day and all through the night, catching only a couple hours of sleep at home in the morning. When my mom has problems breathing, he rushes to her side, holds her hand and patiently helps her with her breathing excercises, helping her relax and get her breathing back to normal. It's incredible to see the devotion to my mother that he has, and it breaks my heart to see how worried and worn out he is. Actually, my heart breaks several times a day.

People have told me that I'm a strong person, which, I often disagree with. If they think I'm strong, they should see my family. It's been an emotional roller coaster here, with a parade of doctors and specialists walking through the door, seeing my mom in her condition, trying to help out as much as I can. I'm heartbroken, I'm angry, I'm exhausted, I'm frustrated, I'm moved, I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm laughing, I'm tearing up, I'm confused, I'm irritated. There are so many instances in the day when I have to take deep breaths not to break down, but my family is here, going through the same thing. They are so incredibly strong, it helps me be strong.

There's so much love here. So many people have come in to give her their well wishes, though sometimes it tires her to see so many people throughout the day. But it's a sign of how many people she has touched, how many people are out there pulling for her and praying for her. I know its hard for a lot of my aunts, my mother's best friends. It's hard not to start crying when they come to me and hug me as they're breaking down and sobbing.

My mom is doing better. She was a lot worse off when I came in on Thursday, and I guess she was in pretty bad shape on Wednesday. But she's talking a bit more now, awake more, breathing a bit easier, moving around, eating more, and even cracking a couple jokes. (Marilyn had showed her some of the pics from my wedding, and she showed a pic of me making a goofy face and my mom remarked 'She's ugly!'. Some things never change.) She's happy that all her girls are home, and I'm happy to be home. I really don't know what's to come in the next couple weeks. I'll stay here as long as I can. Work has been very understanding, and I'm grateful for that. It's a lot of work, physically and emotionally to be here giving support to my mom, and to control the masses that are coming to visit, but my mom needs us, and we'll be here as long as we can.

We had another million people come and visit the room today. Some people had to wait in the family waiting room when my mom was sleeping. Dave flew in straight from working 24 hours in California and came right to my mom's bedside. Me and my sisters got a little misty watching him talk with my mom, he's become very close with her throughout her sickness. His parents and his brother also came along. They all stayed past visiting hours to finish off the game. It's pretty funny to walk through the halls in the hospital to hear the game being played on all the TV's in the rooms. During the last inning, we were all silently screaming in the family room. I thought Dave's dad was going to have a heart attack he was so happy. They both have been waiting their whole lives for this.

Back at the room, I quietly told my mom that the Cubs won. She smiled and said 'That's good!'. I didn't know that my dad had told her already. Then my sister told her after I did. 'I know! I know!' she whispered. After that, she went into an easy breathing sleep (or maybe she was just pretending so we would stop telling her that the Cubs won). We kissed her goodbye and went home as the rejoices of the Cubs fans in Atlanta and here in Chicago rang in our ears.

Thanks for listening...

Posted by Yano at October 5, 2003 08:10 PM

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